for thisfucker
Jan. 26th, 2019 01:48 amAfter their drunken escapades and the subsequent embarrassment (on Leo's side, as Conrad didn't seem to remember much of what happened), Leo makes a point to avoid talking to Conrad as little as possible. He doesn't entirely shun him, he still mostly responds to his texts, but thankfully he has the excuse that he's busy hanging out with Lex. And then that he's going down to visit Lex's mom, Anaya.
By the time he gets back, the the worst of the absolute mortification has passed, and leave even goes to an art gang hangout without turning completely red every time he lays eyes on Conrad.
Leo has chosen to ignore Lex's insistence that Leo and Conrad are 'totally into each other' and should hook up. Sure, that would probably be fun and wonderful (the kissing sure was)... for a while. But Leo does not consider himself a good boyfriend. It would just end up hurting Conrad, and as a result, hurt Leo. Conrad is just too perfect. The very definition of too good for him. Leo would be in a constant state of scared he'll fuck up, or guilty that he did. He'd rather be a coward than go through all of that.
But he does still want to be friends. Partly because he's not sure he can stand the guilt of pushing Conrad away, and he sure acts like he wants to be friends with Leo. (And be other things too.) And he is a really good friend, which is something Leo needs. Perhaps the best he can hope for is that Conrad falls in love with someone else. That'll still really hurt, but probably be better in the long run.
And Leo's not doing too bad. He's fine, really. Except now he's passed two months sobriety, and that's usually when he falters. He's having one of those days. And he knows he's not thinking particularly clearly when he gets in a cab.
He doesn't input the address to where he knows he can get his fix though. He has just enough willpower not to, instead driving around for a while. Except he knows he's perilously close to going to get high, and he needs a distraction. Company.
Except everyone he can think of is either busy, or a bad idea. Leo doesn't want to lump too much personal stuff on Rupert anyway, since they're not really dating. He's definitely not texting Carl. For a moment he's tempted to text Ash, but that's definitely a bad idea. Most of his friends he's not really comfortable asking for a favour like this, making them hang out with him when he's pretty shit company. And then he reaches Conrad in his contact list, and he hovers over it.
Screw it. Conrad's seen him much worse. Conrad would be happy to help. Conrad actually makes him feel better. So Leo texts him.
"Hey, u busy?"
By the time he gets back, the the worst of the absolute mortification has passed, and leave even goes to an art gang hangout without turning completely red every time he lays eyes on Conrad.
Leo has chosen to ignore Lex's insistence that Leo and Conrad are 'totally into each other' and should hook up. Sure, that would probably be fun and wonderful (the kissing sure was)... for a while. But Leo does not consider himself a good boyfriend. It would just end up hurting Conrad, and as a result, hurt Leo. Conrad is just too perfect. The very definition of too good for him. Leo would be in a constant state of scared he'll fuck up, or guilty that he did. He'd rather be a coward than go through all of that.
But he does still want to be friends. Partly because he's not sure he can stand the guilt of pushing Conrad away, and he sure acts like he wants to be friends with Leo. (And be other things too.) And he is a really good friend, which is something Leo needs. Perhaps the best he can hope for is that Conrad falls in love with someone else. That'll still really hurt, but probably be better in the long run.
And Leo's not doing too bad. He's fine, really. Except now he's passed two months sobriety, and that's usually when he falters. He's having one of those days. And he knows he's not thinking particularly clearly when he gets in a cab.
He doesn't input the address to where he knows he can get his fix though. He has just enough willpower not to, instead driving around for a while. Except he knows he's perilously close to going to get high, and he needs a distraction. Company.
Except everyone he can think of is either busy, or a bad idea. Leo doesn't want to lump too much personal stuff on Rupert anyway, since they're not really dating. He's definitely not texting Carl. For a moment he's tempted to text Ash, but that's definitely a bad idea. Most of his friends he's not really comfortable asking for a favour like this, making them hang out with him when he's pretty shit company. And then he reaches Conrad in his contact list, and he hovers over it.
Screw it. Conrad's seen him much worse. Conrad would be happy to help. Conrad actually makes him feel better. So Leo texts him.
"Hey, u busy?"
(no subject)
Dec. 4th, 2018 12:48 pmLeo doesn't generally mind Carl’s events too much. A part of him cherishes them, makes him feel proud to be Carl's son. Makes him actually feel involved in his Dad’s life. And when Leo's not high or in withdrawal, they get along well enough, all things considering. Leo doesn't mind the fanciness of these parties, nor does he mind dressing up -- actually, that part he rather enjoys. Especially since it's not too stuffy, and there's usually at least a few weirdos there that make him feel positively normal.
It's a bit more awkward when his adopted brother Caleb is there. They're technically brothers, but have never really lived together, or even spent much time together. Add to that the fact they have very little in common, and that Leo feels inadequate next to him because he's academically and professionally successful, has a gorgeous wife and big family, and Leo's always had the feeling Carl pays more attention to Caleb. Then there's the fact Leo was an accident during an affair, while Caleb was specifically adopted, therefore wanted and planned by Carl.
He knows Caleb is a good guy though, so he generally tries to avoid taking his feelings out on him. (It’s just when he's not sober he has a problem with that.) They get along alright enough. Enough to maintain a polite conversation. They just never bonded, which might be either of their fault, but it means they only really meet a handful times a year.
And this time… well.
When Leo sees Caleb, he's confused for a second. Because who he sees is Connor. Connor with glasses and nerdy plain clothing. Except he's holding himself wrong, and… when he looks at Leo there’s an entirely different reaction than Leo is used to from Connor. Familiarity, but not.. joy. The smile on his face is polite and a little bit tight, not sweet and easy, the kind that starts on one side then grows slowly.
It takes several moments before the dots start connecting, but even then he doesn't entirely understand. He has to pull him aside and ask basically ‘what the fuck’, and he has to coax a bit to even get Caleb to admit he knows what Leo is talking about. What really drives it home is Leo showing Caleb a photo of Connor on his phone, upon which the colour seems to drain from Caleb’s face, making him a lot paler than his doppelganger.
A brother. Connor has a brother. Caleb has a brother. Twins. Connor is technically Leo’s… adopted brother-in-law? No that's not how that works. Either way though, it's fucking weird.
(Is this why Leo was attracted to Connor? Cause he reminded him of… what Leo could have been or something? Someone for Carl to be proud of? God that’s messed up.)
It's weird, and it's frustrating, and it's confusing. And of course Caleb begs Leo not to tell Connor. Which he doesn't, but it also makes him be really quiet at Connor because he doesn't know how to act, and he hates it.
But then, Leo is dating a detective. It's impossible to keep it entirely secret, especially when Leo does want to talk about it. So Connor picks up there's something going on that involves him, even if Leo makes him promise not to snoop.
He almost has to blackmail Caleb into agreeing to meet. It's not fair to Connor, keeping him in the dark like this, and he's gonna find out eventually so might as well get it over with.
At least it's easier to convince Connor to come. Although he waits until he's actually gotten to Leo's apartment to let him know he might have misled him a little bit about the purpose of his invitation, and that Caleb is inside the apartment, wanting to talk to Connor. And then he refuses to say any more on the matter, leaving them to their own devices.
--
Caleb has been waiting for this day for a long time, both in dread and anticipation. He always wondered if he had family out there somewhere.
He has a big and loving family now, but he still feels disconnected from his own history, a little part of him always feeling like he doesn't belong. The only things he really has memory of is foster homes, a truly awful boarding school he had run away from, and before that, only fleeting memories of something happier. He thinks at one point, when he ran away, he made the decision to forget his own last name. So they couldn't find him. He had only been 6 years old or so at the time. He never remembered his last name after that.
Not until Carl had told him that he had a brother named Connor Stern.
The name Stern had thrown him two decades backwards into the past, and it hadn't been a pleasant experience. That may have been part of why he was so reluctant to meet him.
But he did look him up. A detective, similar to Caleb himself. Perhaps it was in their blood. And from what he could tell, a good detective. Working with the FBI does give you access to a bit more than most people can get their hands on.
Son of Amanda Stern, emancipated at 16. Their mother? Dead anyway. Connection to CyberLife? No apparent one.
It's difficult to put it all in a proper context when he's so close to it. He's got all these hopes and fears mudding up the water, and it's impossible to stay as detached as he needs to be to see clearly.
The fact that his brother was seeing Connor made it all the more complicated. He can't even begin to wrap his mind around that one. Leo is a decent person, but he also has drug problems, mental health issues, a criminal history, and doesn't seem like he would end up with a detective. And what does that all say about Connor?
Caleb needs time to wrap his mind around it, but it turns out that he had a lot less time than he bargained with, when Leo shows up at a Carl party (sober, thankfully -- or maybe not thankfully?) and confronts Caleb about it.
He's not ready for this. Caleb has a bad history with siblings. It doesn't usually go well. Just look at him and Leo. It’s honestly a miracle all his in-laws like him, and he's pretty sure that's due entirely to the Jerrys being the sweetest most wholesome family in history, and nothing to do with Caleb.
But Leo won't let it go, saying that Connor is already aware something is going on, and this won't hold up for long.
So Caleb has no choice but to show up at Leo's apartment, wearing one of his good work suits, clean-shaven, tidy hair, doing his utmost to give a presentable first impression. He keeps fixing his tie, tugging at his shirt-sleeves, cleaning his glasses. Should he stand with his hands in his pockets? Folded behind his back? Hanging loosely? His hands are sweaty and oh god, he has to shake Connor's hand. At some point, probably, right? He wipes his hands nervously on his handkerchief, which thankfully does away with the worst of it. And then all he can do is wait.
It's a bit more awkward when his adopted brother Caleb is there. They're technically brothers, but have never really lived together, or even spent much time together. Add to that the fact they have very little in common, and that Leo feels inadequate next to him because he's academically and professionally successful, has a gorgeous wife and big family, and Leo's always had the feeling Carl pays more attention to Caleb. Then there's the fact Leo was an accident during an affair, while Caleb was specifically adopted, therefore wanted and planned by Carl.
He knows Caleb is a good guy though, so he generally tries to avoid taking his feelings out on him. (It’s just when he's not sober he has a problem with that.) They get along alright enough. Enough to maintain a polite conversation. They just never bonded, which might be either of their fault, but it means they only really meet a handful times a year.
And this time… well.
When Leo sees Caleb, he's confused for a second. Because who he sees is Connor. Connor with glasses and nerdy plain clothing. Except he's holding himself wrong, and… when he looks at Leo there’s an entirely different reaction than Leo is used to from Connor. Familiarity, but not.. joy. The smile on his face is polite and a little bit tight, not sweet and easy, the kind that starts on one side then grows slowly.
It takes several moments before the dots start connecting, but even then he doesn't entirely understand. He has to pull him aside and ask basically ‘what the fuck’, and he has to coax a bit to even get Caleb to admit he knows what Leo is talking about. What really drives it home is Leo showing Caleb a photo of Connor on his phone, upon which the colour seems to drain from Caleb’s face, making him a lot paler than his doppelganger.
A brother. Connor has a brother. Caleb has a brother. Twins. Connor is technically Leo’s… adopted brother-in-law? No that's not how that works. Either way though, it's fucking weird.
(Is this why Leo was attracted to Connor? Cause he reminded him of… what Leo could have been or something? Someone for Carl to be proud of? God that’s messed up.)
It's weird, and it's frustrating, and it's confusing. And of course Caleb begs Leo not to tell Connor. Which he doesn't, but it also makes him be really quiet at Connor because he doesn't know how to act, and he hates it.
But then, Leo is dating a detective. It's impossible to keep it entirely secret, especially when Leo does want to talk about it. So Connor picks up there's something going on that involves him, even if Leo makes him promise not to snoop.
He almost has to blackmail Caleb into agreeing to meet. It's not fair to Connor, keeping him in the dark like this, and he's gonna find out eventually so might as well get it over with.
At least it's easier to convince Connor to come. Although he waits until he's actually gotten to Leo's apartment to let him know he might have misled him a little bit about the purpose of his invitation, and that Caleb is inside the apartment, wanting to talk to Connor. And then he refuses to say any more on the matter, leaving them to their own devices.
--
Caleb has been waiting for this day for a long time, both in dread and anticipation. He always wondered if he had family out there somewhere.
He has a big and loving family now, but he still feels disconnected from his own history, a little part of him always feeling like he doesn't belong. The only things he really has memory of is foster homes, a truly awful boarding school he had run away from, and before that, only fleeting memories of something happier. He thinks at one point, when he ran away, he made the decision to forget his own last name. So they couldn't find him. He had only been 6 years old or so at the time. He never remembered his last name after that.
Not until Carl had told him that he had a brother named Connor Stern.
The name Stern had thrown him two decades backwards into the past, and it hadn't been a pleasant experience. That may have been part of why he was so reluctant to meet him.
But he did look him up. A detective, similar to Caleb himself. Perhaps it was in their blood. And from what he could tell, a good detective. Working with the FBI does give you access to a bit more than most people can get their hands on.
Son of Amanda Stern, emancipated at 16. Their mother? Dead anyway. Connection to CyberLife? No apparent one.
It's difficult to put it all in a proper context when he's so close to it. He's got all these hopes and fears mudding up the water, and it's impossible to stay as detached as he needs to be to see clearly.
The fact that his brother was seeing Connor made it all the more complicated. He can't even begin to wrap his mind around that one. Leo is a decent person, but he also has drug problems, mental health issues, a criminal history, and doesn't seem like he would end up with a detective. And what does that all say about Connor?
Caleb needs time to wrap his mind around it, but it turns out that he had a lot less time than he bargained with, when Leo shows up at a Carl party (sober, thankfully -- or maybe not thankfully?) and confronts Caleb about it.
He's not ready for this. Caleb has a bad history with siblings. It doesn't usually go well. Just look at him and Leo. It’s honestly a miracle all his in-laws like him, and he's pretty sure that's due entirely to the Jerrys being the sweetest most wholesome family in history, and nothing to do with Caleb.
But Leo won't let it go, saying that Connor is already aware something is going on, and this won't hold up for long.
So Caleb has no choice but to show up at Leo's apartment, wearing one of his good work suits, clean-shaven, tidy hair, doing his utmost to give a presentable first impression. He keeps fixing his tie, tugging at his shirt-sleeves, cleaning his glasses. Should he stand with his hands in his pockets? Folded behind his back? Hanging loosely? His hands are sweaty and oh god, he has to shake Connor's hand. At some point, probably, right? He wipes his hands nervously on his handkerchief, which thankfully does away with the worst of it. And then all he can do is wait.
(no subject)
Nov. 28th, 2018 10:51 amThe next few days after the concert are as blissful as they could possibly be.
They absolutely do end up having lazy morning sex (though not until after they've both showered), and Kate makes them delicious breakfast afterwards (once they've put some clothes on), and it's all wonderful. Their texting gets obnoxiously cute, except of course for when it gets really dirty, though sometimes it gets back. Connor spends the night again two days later, and Leo finds that he could really get used to this.
Unfortunately life has other plans, or specifically crime has other plans. Connor ends up working a lot, which eventually leads to Leo falling asleep at his place, but at least he gets to see him again.
And then Leo has lunch plans with Carl, and everything gets turned upside down.
His texts are a bit muted after that, and he's slower to respond. He feels... awkward. Worried. Annoyed at his brother. Slightly guilty. And also just fairly weirded out for a while. It doesn't actually make him miss Connor any less when he's away from him, in fact it kind of has the opposite effect because he's frustrated by himself and by the situation.
Still, he can't not agree to have Connor come over for dinner and video games and hopefully staying the night. He just hopes his awkwardness won't be too obvious.
They absolutely do end up having lazy morning sex (though not until after they've both showered), and Kate makes them delicious breakfast afterwards (once they've put some clothes on), and it's all wonderful. Their texting gets obnoxiously cute, except of course for when it gets really dirty, though sometimes it gets back. Connor spends the night again two days later, and Leo finds that he could really get used to this.
Unfortunately life has other plans, or specifically crime has other plans. Connor ends up working a lot, which eventually leads to Leo falling asleep at his place, but at least he gets to see him again.
And then Leo has lunch plans with Carl, and everything gets turned upside down.
His texts are a bit muted after that, and he's slower to respond. He feels... awkward. Worried. Annoyed at his brother. Slightly guilty. And also just fairly weirded out for a while. It doesn't actually make him miss Connor any less when he's away from him, in fact it kind of has the opposite effect because he's frustrated by himself and by the situation.
Still, he can't not agree to have Connor come over for dinner and video games and hopefully staying the night. He just hopes his awkwardness won't be too obvious.
for kateand
Nov. 24th, 2018 09:32 pm[ After this. ]
Leo feels awful the entire elevator ride up from the parking garage to the seventh floor. He should've just kept his mouth shut and accepted Connor's concern without questioning it, or at worst just ignored it.
Despite being a little judgy and disappointed, Connor's never been an asshole to Leo, even when Leo most definitely deserved it. He's generally treated him like a human being even when Leo was completely iced up. So Leo should know that Connor's probably a decent person. He'd been downright sweet today, in-between the jokes.
And Leo had of course been a complete asshole in return. Figures.
He can't even quite blame it on withdrawal, it's been three weeks since he last smoked red ice, and the worst of his mood swings have subsided by now. But not quite enough to stop him from lashing out, it seems.
The moment he's inside the apartment, he kicks off his shoes as he heads through the hallway, drops his jacket over a chair, gives a vague wave of acknowledgement at Kate, then goes and flops face-first onto the couch. Then he groans loudly into a pillow.
Leo feels awful the entire elevator ride up from the parking garage to the seventh floor. He should've just kept his mouth shut and accepted Connor's concern without questioning it, or at worst just ignored it.
Despite being a little judgy and disappointed, Connor's never been an asshole to Leo, even when Leo most definitely deserved it. He's generally treated him like a human being even when Leo was completely iced up. So Leo should know that Connor's probably a decent person. He'd been downright sweet today, in-between the jokes.
And Leo had of course been a complete asshole in return. Figures.
He can't even quite blame it on withdrawal, it's been three weeks since he last smoked red ice, and the worst of his mood swings have subsided by now. But not quite enough to stop him from lashing out, it seems.
The moment he's inside the apartment, he kicks off his shoes as he heads through the hallway, drops his jacket over a chair, gives a vague wave of acknowledgement at Kate, then goes and flops face-first onto the couch. Then he groans loudly into a pillow.
