For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[theodorelasso]

She has a point, and it's heartbreaking to think of someone as good as Ted having to deal with all those things. And it's easy enough to see how they can relate to each other.

"So what do you think we should do?" he asks quietly. He doesn't necessarily think she has an answer to that, but neither does he. It's not easily fixed. They just have to be there for him.

[formersurgeon]

"I don't know if there's anything we can do, besides keeping an eye on him and being here if he needs us."

Joan has been frequently grateful that Ted has Beard, and now even more so, especially since Ted is planning on going back to work.

[theodorelasso]

"I agree," Beard answers. "But Ted's tougher than he looks, and than he thinks himself. He'll be alright."

That doesn't mean they shouldn't keep an eye on him of course, just that they can have faith in him. While trying to make sure he takes care of himself.

[formersurgeon]

"He's incredibly strong," she agrees softly. "He had to be, after what happened to his dad. Even the strongest people have a breaking point."

Ted is doing well like Joan said, but that doesn't mean he'll keep doing well.

[theodorelasso]

Beard narrows his eyes a bit, squinting at Joan. "Did he kill himself?" he asks finally.

[formersurgeon]

"Yes," she affirms softly. "Ted was in the house when it happened. He found the body."

That's the most horrible part of it to Joan. It's one thing to know on a conceptual level that your father was dead and had killed himself. To see it, god, smell it...Joan has been to countless scenes of death, so many murders, so many suicides, and even she never really gets used to it. To be sixteen years old and to find your father's body after he shot himself...it's indescribably horrible.

[theodorelasso]

Beard had guessed that was a possibility, but it's still heartbreaking to have it confirmed, especially that Ted was there. Beard's quiet for a few moments contemplating it.

"You know, Ted hasn't changed that much in the time I've known him. He was always very kind," Beard shares quietly. "But when we met back in college, he was a pretty angry guy.. He was just keeping it bottled up inside most of the time."

[formersurgeon]

"I've seen that anger," she says quietly. "It's still there. He's really good at hiding it, though. And I worry about what might happen if he keeps it bottled up. It's understandable that he would be angry with his father. He left Ted and his mom. Whatever problems there were...he didn't let Ted be part of the solution."

Her voice has gotten very soft, and she looks away, remembering what she had almost done, just a couple weeks ago. She had felt terrible about it before she knew about how Ted lost his father, and now...

[theodorelasso]

Beard's known Ted for a while, and it's not always that Ted bottles it up. Usually he finds a way to channel it into something more productive. Back then though, he would just sort of ignore it until it exploded, but by the time they reconnected, he seemed to have found a way to handle it. But every now and then, something comes along that he can't fix and he can't ignore. Like now.

The last part though... Beard recognizes the guilt. He was the one who pulled her back, after all. He knows how Ted would've reacted had she gone through with it.

"Well, everyone makes emotional decisions sometimes. Ted's dad just wasn't lucky enough to have an outside friend who saw what was happening," he says kindly.

[formersurgeon]

She looks back at him, and gives him a slight, grateful smile. She appreciates Beard and his friendship immensely.

"He's really lucky to have you," she says softly. "So am I."

[theodorelasso]

Beard smiles softly. "Likewise," he answers. "My life would be pretty different if it weren't for Ted."

The fact they now live in London is the obvious example, of course.

[formersurgeon]

"Mine, too," she says with another faint smile. At the very least, if it weren't for Ted, she wouldn't be in London right now either.

"How did you two meet?" she asks, curious.

[theodorelasso]

"College first. We bonded a little over sports, but we weren't very close. Annoyed each other too much," he answers. "Then we met again over a decade later, and that's when we actually became friends."

[formersurgeon]

"Ted mentioned how you would get on each other's nerves," she says with a smile that's clearly fond of both men. "How did you two reconnect?"

[theodorelasso]

"I was wildly depressed," he answers matter-of-factly. He's not a person who shares a lot, but it's not a secret. "Bored, aimless, fed up with everything. Doing way too much meth. He pulled me back. Gave me a job, got me to care about stuff again."

[formersurgeon]

Joan raises her eyebrows slightly at the meth part, more surprise than disdain. She remembers Ted talking about addiction in a way that suggested he knew someone who suffered from addiction. She had thought maybe his father, but maybe it was Beard he had in mind.

"That's wonderful," she says. "I'm so glad he was able to help you like that. Has Ted ever mentioned I was a sober companion before I became a detective?"

[theodorelasso]

Beard nods. It was why he felt it would be alright too share, that Joan wouldn't be too judgy about it.

[formersurgeon]

Joan is glad Ted mentioned it. She knows it can be helpful to have people who know about your struggles with addiction who you can turn to. It's one of the reasons 12 step programs can be so helpful. She hopes Beard knows that if he ever has any problems in that arena, he can turn to Joan as well as Ted.

"The two of you work so well together. It's really impressive."

[theodorelasso]

Beard definitely knows that. Of course, he still does drugs. Just not meth, and only occasionally. And he has the job as a tether, which makes it a lot easier to see whether or not something is affecting him. And others can see it too.

"A few people were confused why I would choose to follow him halfway around the world for this job, especially in the beginning," he shares. "But I owe him, and most importantly, I know that what he does actually works. He helps people. I have the easy job, I just need to know the game."

[formersurgeon]

"I think you do more than just know the game," Joan says with a smile. "You're helping people too, even if it's in a different way. And you're helping Ted. You keep him grounded. It's a role I have some personal experience with." It isn't a one-to-one comparison, but in a very real way Joan plays a similar role with Sherlock.

[theodorelasso]

Beard shrugs and nods, conceding the point. "Does Sherlock also need someone to tell him to get his head out of his ass sometimes?" he asks curiously, sipping the coffee. It's not often, but sometimes Ted can get a bit wrapped up in his own mindset. Keeping him grounded is one way to put it.

[formersurgeon]

She laughs softly. "Oh yeah," she says, taking a sip of her own coffee as well. It's probably a bigger part of her role than in Beard's, although she can see Ted's optimism needing to be brought to earth at times.

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah, Ted has a danger of being a bit of a people-pleaser sometimes, which is not always what's best for everyone," he observes. Particularly in an authority position where you have a responsibility to everyone.

[formersurgeon]

"Mmm," Joan says, lowering her coffee. "With Sherlock it's pretty much the exact opposite. He can get so wrapped up in a case that he forgets that there are human beings involved. He's better about it now than he used to be, but he can still be offensive. Usually unintentionally, although not always."

[theodorelasso]

"Has Ted ever seen Sherlock on a case?" Beard asks. Because that doesn't seem like the Sherlock that Ted describes. But then Ted has his own way of viewing things, of course.