For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[formersurgeon]

"Okay," she says, glad that she can be with him, not only to protect him but to also support him. "Where's a good place to step outside here that won't have people with cameras?"

[theodorelasso]

Ted jerks his head off to the side of the hall, leading the way, still holding her hand. They're holding it the same place as last year, so at least Ted knows his way around a little bit, and there's a nice side door perfect for this.

He doesn't speak until they're outside, and he stops and takes a deep long breath of fresh air, leaning back against the wall.

[formersurgeon]

On their way out Joan catches sight of Sherlock. Their eyes meet briefly before she and Ted slip through the door. Joan trusts that if Sherlock thought going outside was particularly dangerous he would say something, but the earpiece remains quiet.

When they get out, Joan notices a police car parked a little ways down the street to the right. She looks to the left and sees two more. They're just parked, not too conspicuous, and she can't tell if there's anyone inside, but it's still reassuring. It also suggests to her that an arrest is all the more likely.

She leans against the wall with him, giving him a little quiet, there to listen when he's ready to talk.

[theodorelasso]

Ted sighs heavily, letting himself regain some equilibrium.

After a few moments, he looks over at her. "You know, I don't say this often, but I don't care for that man," he says, a self-aware joke at his own expense of saying that the nicest way he could. He smiles and takes her hand again, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

[formersurgeon]

She laughs softly, squeezing his hand. "Kinda picked up on that, yeah," she says. "Gotta say," she continues, half teasing, "...if Ted Lasso doesn't care for you, you should rethink your life choices."

She would imagine that the number of people Ted would say that about may just fit on one hand.

[theodorelasso]

"Ohhh, I think there were probably some life choices he should've reconsidered long before, well, I had even decided to become a coach," he points out grimly. Like Marion.

[formersurgeon]

"Just a few," she agrees softly. She can't imagine Rupert was a swell guy before he ordered Marion's murder. Who knows if that was even the first time he'd done that sort of thing.

"Bex is going to need help," she observes quietly.

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods sadly. "I was thinking the same..." he agrees. "I don't think I'll be the right person to offer it, but.. Rebecca might. Maybe. I don't know..."

She knows what it's like to love Rupert. And to be hurt by him. And they'll both be dealing with the sudden reality of what he's done.

But she also might not be able to put her jealousy and anger aside. He wouldn't blame her.

"Or maybe Keeley. I know her and Bex have a friend in common," he adds.

[formersurgeon]

Joan hums in thought. "Keeley might be better," she says. Joan likes Rebecca, but she can imagine it being difficult to look after an ex's much younger second spouse and the baby you never had.

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods. Hopefully Bex has some support from her family as well, but Ted honestly doesn't know much about her, never really had the chance to talk.

All he's really picked up about her, is that she seemed somewhat uncomfortable when Rupert was antagonising him and Rebecca at the bar. Which is why he doubts she's truly aware of the things Rupert has done.

"I'd gladly look out for her a bit myself, but..." he says, sighing. "Well, I'm probably gonna be sitting on the other side, accusing the man she loves."

[formersurgeon]

Joan hums in thought.

"I'd say in the majority of the cases I've investigated, there's at least one person who will swear up and down that there's no way their spouse, or their parent, or their sibling, could possibly do the horrible things we're accusing them of. Sometimes I wonder how anyone could be so blind. Then I remember when my boyfriend Liam started taking heroin. It took a while for me to see it. Longer to believe it. And longer still to accept that I couldn't change it." She glances at him. "I hope she goes through that process faster than I did."

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah... And there's generally a good reason people get into drugs," Ted agrees sadly, and he does speak like he knows what he's talking about, though Joan is definitely more familiar with it. "If you hurt people as a result, it's a side-effect, not the purpose. Doing what he did," he says, nodding his head towards the building to indicate Rupert. "If it was someone I loved, I would find that much harder to believe."

[formersurgeon]

"Often," she agrees. There were so many of her clients who were self-medicating for one reason or another. Sherlock himself had turned to heroin to dull the razor edge of his senses, to just get occasional rest from the constant onslaught of sensation.

"People who do the kinds of things Rupert has done are often pathologically incapable of love. That will probably be the worst part for her, coming to terms with the fact that the man she loves was only with her to use her."

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods thoughtfully. He's glad he saw through him - and usually does. Ted always wants to believe the best of people, he always wants to give the benefit of the doubt, but it rarely blinds him. And while he never really liked Rupert much, there's a big difference between casual cruelty and calculated murder.

After a few moments of silence he leans his crutch against the wall and then turns to Joan, and gently tugs her into a tight hug, burying his face in her hair. This whole affair makes him so sad, but at least he has her to help him through it.

[formersurgeon]

Joan had once thought that believing the best of people requires that sort of blindness. Ted has shown her differently, and fundamentally altered her perspective on humanity. She's grateful to him for that. It makes her sad that in this case even that belief, that generosity of spirit, comes up empty handed. Rupert is actually that bad.

When Ted pulls her into a hug she holds onto him tightly. As calm as she is on the surface, beneath there's sadness and anger and fear. But they're in this together, and they are both stronger for it. She buries her face in his shoulder and just breathes.

[theodorelasso]

Ted just stands there holding onto her for a minute. Letting them both draw strength from each other. "I love you," he whispers, and then pulls apart a little so he can give her a kiss. There's no one else around out here, so he doesn't mind just taking this moment.

[formersurgeon]

"I love you," she whispers, then kisses him back, softly and unhurried, just enjoying the moment.

Then she pulls back and gives him an encouraging smile and squeezes his hand.

"Ready to go back in?"

[theodorelasso]

Ted looks at the door leading inside, and then over at one of the police cars down the street.

"If I say no, and we just leave, then you might not have enough to arrest him, right?" he asks softly. Because there's definitely a big part of him that doesn't want to go back in there. Doesn't want to keep pretending everything's fine.

But if it gets him arrested and convicted, then of course he will. And if Rupert is arrested today, well, Ted does want to be there. Mostly for Rebecca's sake. He hasn't even spoken to her yet, just seen her, busy talking with other people.

[formersurgeon]

"Our best shot for an arrest is for whoever he hired to make a move tonight, and for that we need to be here." We, because wherever Ted goes, Joan goes. "But Ted...if you want to leave, we'll leave." Arresting Rupert is important, but Ted shouldn't be forced to do something against his will.

[theodorelasso]

Ted shakes his head softly. "I just want to know it's worth it," he explains. He's aware he's basically bait. He's okay with that, as long as he feels it's necessary. He just hopes it'll be worth it. But if all he has to do is sit through an anxious dinner, then it will be, to stop him from hurting anyone else.

He gives her another brief kiss, then squeezes her hands, and picks up his crutch again. "Let's go back inside."

[formersurgeon]

Joan holds his hand as they make their way back inside. As they're on their way to their table, she hears Sherlock's voice in her earpiece.

"We are close to an identity for the assassin," he says. "We believe the attempt will be made by poison, so a detective has monitored the kitchen. The main course appears to be safe."

Joan squeezes Ted's hand and turns her head toward him to whisper.

"They're getting closer to identifying who Rupert hired. They think the main course is safe."

[theodorelasso]

"Well, that sure whets my appetite," Ted jokes, a rare instance of sarcasm. Even if it's a confirmation that it isn't poisoned, the reminder that it could've been is not very pleasant.

They make their way back to the table, and Beard is definitely watching them with worry. Of course, Ted hasn't told him anything about what's going on, but Beard seems to have noticed anyway. Him storming away from the table to talk to Rupert probably wasn't the subtlest.

[formersurgeon]

Joan notices Beard's look and isn't surprised that he's apparently picked up on the tension of what they're dealing with. The others look curious about why the two of them bolted like that, but only Beard is worried. She wishes she could tell him everything right then and there, but they need to keep up appearances, just a little longer.

She meets his eyes and gives him a small but sure smile. An acknowledgment and a reassurance.

[theodorelasso]

Beard seems satisfied enough - he might not have been if it was just Ted keeping a secret like this, but given Joan is there with him, that seems to reassure him that whatever it is is handled.

"What were you saying, Keeley?" Ted prompts, since they had broken off a conversation as him and Joan returned. Ted doesn't really have it in him to keep conversation going himself, but Keeley is thankfully usually fairly chatty, and at his prompting she launches back into an anecdote about a former modelling job, catching Ted and Joan up to speed on what they missed.

[formersurgeon]

Joan is grateful for Keeley's enthusiasm. She joins in listening to the younger woman's story, laughing with the table, enjoying the moment. Every once in a while she looks up and glances around the room as surreptitiously as possible, but everything looks okay.

The waiter arrives with their dinners and begins placing them in front of everyone. Something seems...off. Joan can't quite place it. She knows it should be safe...the kitchen is monitored...but she can't shake the feeling.

She's probably just being paranoid because of what happened to Andrew. And drawing attention to themselves would jeopardize their chances of nailing Rupert. But she can't get that feeling out of her head.

So when Ted and the others are focused on Keeley, Joan switches her plate with Ted's.