"Me too," she says with a smile. Things would have been very different in all sorts of ways had they not had Sherlock's help and care and company, from his invaluable investigative help when Ted was kidnapped to him carrying and guiding Joan as needed the past couple days, to his simple fellowship in dealing with the difficulties facing them.
She laughs a little at his point about Sherlock not having to watch over her anymore. "Yeah," she says, moving to lie down next to him again. "I love him, but it's nice to be naked with you again," she says playfully.
"Yeah, I don't think he'd enjoy it if we were naked with him here," he jokes with a chuckle. He's pretty sure none of them would enjoy it. Ted might be fine being naked with Sherlock if they were like, in a locker room shower or something, but that's very different. And Joan definitely hasn't given the impression she'd be comfortable with it, the times she's had to change and such.
"Nudity doesn't bother him," she says with a smile and shake of her head. "Or sex. It's the intimacy part that grates him. I, however, would definitely not want to be naked in front of Sherlock." Even sharing a home with the man, he has never seen her naked, and she'd like to keep it that way.
To be fair, Ted can't imagine being naked with Joan without intimacy being involved. And sex, for him, is inherently a form of intimacy. So it's sort of the same thing.
He's never personally understood how you can enjoy having sex without having at least some of that intimacy and trust - if not romantic, then at very least on a platonic level. He didn't exactly know Sassy all that well, but they were still very much enjoying each other's company, and not just trying to satisfy their own needs. He respects that people might feel differently, but he can't identify with it.
"Does nudity bother you in general?" he asks curiously. He hadn't gotten the impression that she's particularly shy about nudity and sex, but she can imagine she just doesn't consider it any of his business.
Joan, on the other hand, is quite familiar with sex without intimacy. Respect, yes. Mutual benefit, definitely. But she has had many "exercise partners" where that's where it stopped.
She hasn't told Ted about the exercise partners. They haven't really gone over sexual history, partly because talking about that sort of thing clearly makes him deeply uncomfortable, but also partly because she doesn't know how he'll react to learning how many men she's slept with, absolutely without ties and purely to scratch an itch. She doesn't know if it will change how he sees her.
"I used to be a doctor," she points out to answer his question. "Nudity in and of itself doesn't bother me. I just prefer to keep it situationally appropriate."
"Makes sense, yeah," Ted agrees. "I mean, I think I'd have a hard time being right next to the locker room every day if all nudity bothered me," he says with a soft chuckle.
Though he's always been pretty intent on not looking, and compartmentalizing any sort of appreciation of players' appearance. He really doesn't want to be creepy about that sort of thing. And he himself hasn't been naked in the company of other men in many years, since as a coach he gets his own changing room.
"But yeah, as for myself, I'm pretty sure I can count on one hand the number of people in the past decade or so who've seen me naked," he adds.
That sounds about right. Ted isn't exactly a prude, but he is fairly selective in his intimacy, which Joan can appreciate.
Joan decides not to respond to that information by sharing how many people have seen her naked in the past decade, because it's a lot.
"When we were first working together, Sherlock would say lots of things to try to shock me and drive me away, and a fair amount was sexual. Told me that with what I was getting paid I should be sleeping with him, that sort of thing. I think his experience with Irene made it particularly hard to open up to women, so he tried to relegate them to sex objects."
Ted hums thoughtfully. It doesn't exactly surprise him, given some of Sherlock's comments towards Ted, but it does sadden him to think of him treating Joan like that. And for Sherlock to narrow his view that much.
"Well, I can definitely see why you wouldn't want to be naked in front of him then," he answers, even though he empathizes with what Sherlock was dealing with. It's understandable, but definitely not healthy, for neither him nor the people he interacted with.
Ted chuckles softly and gives Joan a chaste little kiss. "Well, that's good to know, I suppose," he says playfully.
He's not worried or jealous when it comes to Sherlock. Or in general, really. He trusts Joan completely. And not in the way that he knows she'd never ever cheat on him, but in the way that if she ever did (which would probably have to be some extreme circumstances in the first place), then they would talk about it and find a solution. After everything that's happened, he's finding it hard to imagine anything insurmountable, as long as they were both dedicated to finding a solution together.
"It takes a lot for sex to be on the table in the first place for me, but I know I'm a bit old fashioned," he adds with a smile. "I'm sort of the opposite of Beard that way. He's had so many girlfriends in the time I've known him, I've completely lost count."
She returns the chaste kiss with a smile. but the smile fades a little with his description of Beard. It strikes her that she actually has a lot more in common with Beard here than with Ted. And Ted should probably know that.
Ted sobers a little at that. Whenever she says that, there's always something rather serious coming next. It concerns him a little, but it's always led to them just opening up and learning more about each other, so he's not too worried.
"Alright," he answers just as softly, and reaches over to take her hand, stroking it reassuringly.
She squeezes his hand. She knows he loves her, and he knows she loves him. They're utterly committed to each other, and she's confident this won't change that. Still, she's worried about how he'll react to what she's about to tell him. Will he look at her differently? Second-guess his trust in her?
"I've mentioned that Sherlock has what he calls 'exercise partners.' Women he has sex with just to fulfill a need." She takes a breath. "After Andrew...I had exercise partners, too."
Ted listens, patiently awaiting whatever reveal is coming.
And then she stops talking, and Ted waits, expecting more, but she doesn't say anything more. Just that she had sex with some people, which seems.. underwhelming?
"...Okay?" he answers uncertainly, not sure what she expected his reaction to be. He pauses briefly, going over her phrasing in his wait. "Wait, are you saying you had sex with women, or...?"
Because that's the only remarkable thing he can think of regarding that, and she did just elaborate 'exercise partners' to mean women Sherlock had sex with. Which, obviously, would also be fine, if a little surprising.
"What?" she says, blinking at that completely unexpected question. She doesn't know quite how to interpret that reaction. "No...no, I'm saying that I've had casual sex with...a lot of men."
"Right," Ted answers, nodding a little. She seems surprisingly nervous about this reveal, and he doesn't want to diminish that, but he also wants to reassure her that it's not really a big deal. He doesn't know what 'a lot' necessarily entails, but unless it makes a different in their current relationship, he's not sure it really matters.
"That's okay. That doesn't bother me," he answers, squeezing her hand a little and giving her a small reassuring smile. "I mean... Should it?"
She's both relieved and a little confused. "Not necessarily. I'm glad it doesn't bother you. I thought it might because for you sex requires intimacy, and I was concerned you'd think differently of me if you knew I've engaged in non-intimate sex. A lot of non-intimate sex. I worried you'd wonder if what we have can really be that special to me. Or if I'm going to cheat on you."
He's glad that she's brought this up, not because Ted himself feels like it was important for him to know, but because this has clearly worried her a bit. He doesn't want her to have to carry that worry needlessly. And he always loves learning more about her, getting a richer understanding of her life and her past.
He pulls her hand up to his mouth and gives it a kiss.
"If you ever feel the need to have sex with someone else, then I hope you'll tell me, so we can figure it out together," he says. And he really does mean that. Because it would mean she was lacking something, and he doesn't want that.
"As for special, I mean... It's not what things we do that make it special. It's the fact that love each other, and we choose to do those things together. Right?"
She's so taken aback by how he's reacting to all this in such a calm, steady loving manner, although she knows she really shouldn't be surprised. This is who Ted is. He believes in love and in trust and in faith and in her. And his belief has made her believe, too.
She kisses his hand and then warmly holds it to her chest. "Right," she says. "It's special because you're special. Because what we have is special. When we have sex, it's not just an exercise of sensual quid pro quo. it's a physical expression of the love we have for each other."
Ted blinks and smiles at the way she describes it, at once both academic and incredibly romantic. And also reassuring, that she really does find it incredibly special, just like he does. It wouldn't have been the end of the world if she didn't, as long as she considered their relationship itself to be special and important, but it makes him happy that she does.
He's never figured he was blowing her mind with his skills in bed alone. Sometimes he's a little insecure about it, but hearing her talk like this helps. He hopes and thinks that what it really comes down to his attentiveness and his dedication to making sure she feels good. Which is something he has up on those guys she's had casual sex with. The trust and the communication and the familiarity.
"Do you miss it?" he asks curiously. He tries not to let any insecurity creepy into the question.
That is absolutely what it comes down to. Even if he were a complete neophyte when it came to sex, Joan could teach him what to do. She can't teach the attention and dedication and love that he pours into every intimate moment they have together. It is deeply and immeasurably important, and so very precious to her. And she hopes the same is true for him, that her love and care and dedication make him feel just as valued as he makes her feel.
The question makes her blink a little, though. "Casual sex?" she asks. "No. Not at all. What we have...it's so full and rich, it makes everything else shallow by comparison. There's nothing to miss. You give me everything and so much more."
He smiles at the answer, reassured and touched by the conviction and the love in it.
"Well, I don't really see the appeal in the first place - which is fine, you know, we can like and need different things," he says, not wanting to come off as judgy. "But, you know, maybe there was something you got out of it that you don't get from me. That would be okay too. I don't have to be everything to you to still be important to you."
It's why he's also not jealous of Sherlock. Hinging absolutely everything on your partner isn't healthy, no matter how much you're capable of giving each other. And it doesn't take anything away from their relationship, because he truly believes that their capacity for love increases with each person in their lives.
And personally, Ted already had a slightly difficult time satisfying his need for sex with someone he wasn't romantically involved with, and that would only be even more true when he is already in a romantic relationship. But that doesn't mean that's true for Joan. The most important thing to Ted is protecting the trust between them, that they're honest with each other.
"There isn't," she assures him. "I get what you're saying. And I appreciate it, I do. But I wasn't having casual sex for the sake of having casual sex. I wasn't in a relationship and I honestly doubted that I would or could ever be in a relationship, but I still had needs, so. Now that I'm with you, that need is well taken care of. And the idea of having sex with anyone else..." She shrugs a little. "It feels wrong. Like, not necessarily morally wrong, just...it wouldn't be satisfying anymore. Because what we have is so important to me." She smiles. "I'm only interested in having sex with you."
Ted listens with interest, and he is glad to hear that. Just because he wouldn't feel outright jealous (or at least doesn't think he would) doesn't mean he wouldn't probably still feel... kind of weird about it, maybe?
He just wants to make sure they talk about this stuff, and that she's not assuming something is out of the question between Ted's maybe a bit old-fashioned or private in his approach to sex. He thinks there were definitely a few things Michelle and him didn't talk enough about. Not about sex specifically, but about their personal needs and expectations. So Ted is trying to rectify that.
"Likewise," he answers with a soft smile. His sexual needs are definitely well taken care of. Especially after today.
"I just like learning more stuff about you," he adds, reaching up to brush back some of her hair. "I want to know everything about you. I mean.. I don't need to know all your deep, dark secrets, or whatever," he adds with a chuckle. "But anything you want to share, I'm interested to hear about."
Joan knows that Ted's marriage fell apart primarily because there was a lack of communication of needs and a pressure to make everything seem rosy when it wasn't. She can tell he's trying to make sure that doesn't happen again, and she admires him for it.
She smiles as he touches her hair, and returns the affection by caressing his cheek. "You know a lot already," she says. "Even some of my deep dark secrets." She brushes some of his hair back from his face. "I want to know everything about you too. Anything you're comfortable sharing. Or even if you're not comfortable but want to share anyway. You're always safe with me."
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trashchildren2021-06-24 07:33 pm
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She laughs a little at his point about Sherlock not having to watch over her anymore. "Yeah," she says, moving to lie down next to him again. "I love him, but it's nice to be naked with you again," she says playfully.
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He's never personally understood how you can enjoy having sex without having at least some of that intimacy and trust - if not romantic, then at very least on a platonic level. He didn't exactly know Sassy all that well, but they were still very much enjoying each other's company, and not just trying to satisfy their own needs. He respects that people might feel differently, but he can't identify with it.
"Does nudity bother you in general?" he asks curiously. He hadn't gotten the impression that she's particularly shy about nudity and sex, but she can imagine she just doesn't consider it any of his business.
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She hasn't told Ted about the exercise partners. They haven't really gone over sexual history, partly because talking about that sort of thing clearly makes him deeply uncomfortable, but also partly because she doesn't know how he'll react to learning how many men she's slept with, absolutely without ties and purely to scratch an itch. She doesn't know if it will change how he sees her.
"I used to be a doctor," she points out to answer his question. "Nudity in and of itself doesn't bother me. I just prefer to keep it situationally appropriate."
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Though he's always been pretty intent on not looking, and compartmentalizing any sort of appreciation of players' appearance. He really doesn't want to be creepy about that sort of thing. And he himself hasn't been naked in the company of other men in many years, since as a coach he gets his own changing room.
"But yeah, as for myself, I'm pretty sure I can count on one hand the number of people in the past decade or so who've seen me naked," he adds.
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Joan decides not to respond to that information by sharing how many people have seen her naked in the past decade, because it's a lot.
"When we were first working together, Sherlock would say lots of things to try to shock me and drive me away, and a fair amount was sexual. Told me that with what I was getting paid I should be sleeping with him, that sort of thing. I think his experience with Irene made it particularly hard to open up to women, so he tried to relegate them to sex objects."
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"Well, I can definitely see why you wouldn't want to be naked in front of him then," he answers, even though he empathizes with what Sherlock was dealing with. It's understandable, but definitely not healthy, for neither him nor the people he interacted with.
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"Sex has to be off the table," she says. "Even if I was inclined to have sex with Sherlock, which I am not."
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He's not worried or jealous when it comes to Sherlock. Or in general, really. He trusts Joan completely. And not in the way that he knows she'd never ever cheat on him, but in the way that if she ever did (which would probably have to be some extreme circumstances in the first place), then they would talk about it and find a solution. After everything that's happened, he's finding it hard to imagine anything insurmountable, as long as they were both dedicated to finding a solution together.
"It takes a lot for sex to be on the table in the first place for me, but I know I'm a bit old fashioned," he adds with a smile. "I'm sort of the opposite of Beard that way. He's had so many girlfriends in the time I've known him, I've completely lost count."
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"I need to tell you something," she says softly.
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"Alright," he answers just as softly, and reaches over to take her hand, stroking it reassuringly.
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"I've mentioned that Sherlock has what he calls 'exercise partners.' Women he has sex with just to fulfill a need." She takes a breath. "After Andrew...I had exercise partners, too."
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And then she stops talking, and Ted waits, expecting more, but she doesn't say anything more. Just that she had sex with some people, which seems.. underwhelming?
"...Okay?" he answers uncertainly, not sure what she expected his reaction to be. He pauses briefly, going over her phrasing in his wait. "Wait, are you saying you had sex with women, or...?"
Because that's the only remarkable thing he can think of regarding that, and she did just elaborate 'exercise partners' to mean women Sherlock had sex with. Which, obviously, would also be fine, if a little surprising.
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"That's okay. That doesn't bother me," he answers, squeezing her hand a little and giving her a small reassuring smile. "I mean... Should it?"
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He pulls her hand up to his mouth and gives it a kiss.
"If you ever feel the need to have sex with someone else, then I hope you'll tell me, so we can figure it out together," he says. And he really does mean that. Because it would mean she was lacking something, and he doesn't want that.
"As for special, I mean... It's not what things we do that make it special. It's the fact that love each other, and we choose to do those things together. Right?"
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She kisses his hand and then warmly holds it to her chest. "Right," she says. "It's special because you're special. Because what we have is special. When we have sex, it's not just an exercise of sensual quid pro quo. it's a physical expression of the love we have for each other."
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He's never figured he was blowing her mind with his skills in bed alone. Sometimes he's a little insecure about it, but hearing her talk like this helps. He hopes and thinks that what it really comes down to his attentiveness and his dedication to making sure she feels good. Which is something he has up on those guys she's had casual sex with. The trust and the communication and the familiarity.
"Do you miss it?" he asks curiously. He tries not to let any insecurity creepy into the question.
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The question makes her blink a little, though. "Casual sex?" she asks. "No. Not at all. What we have...it's so full and rich, it makes everything else shallow by comparison. There's nothing to miss. You give me everything and so much more."
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"Well, I don't really see the appeal in the first place - which is fine, you know, we can like and need different things," he says, not wanting to come off as judgy. "But, you know, maybe there was something you got out of it that you don't get from me. That would be okay too. I don't have to be everything to you to still be important to you."
It's why he's also not jealous of Sherlock. Hinging absolutely everything on your partner isn't healthy, no matter how much you're capable of giving each other. And it doesn't take anything away from their relationship, because he truly believes that their capacity for love increases with each person in their lives.
And personally, Ted already had a slightly difficult time satisfying his need for sex with someone he wasn't romantically involved with, and that would only be even more true when he is already in a romantic relationship. But that doesn't mean that's true for Joan. The most important thing to Ted is protecting the trust between them, that they're honest with each other.
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He just wants to make sure they talk about this stuff, and that she's not assuming something is out of the question between Ted's maybe a bit old-fashioned or private in his approach to sex. He thinks there were definitely a few things Michelle and him didn't talk enough about. Not about sex specifically, but about their personal needs and expectations. So Ted is trying to rectify that.
"Likewise," he answers with a soft smile. His sexual needs are definitely well taken care of. Especially after today.
"I just like learning more stuff about you," he adds, reaching up to brush back some of her hair. "I want to know everything about you. I mean.. I don't need to know all your deep, dark secrets, or whatever," he adds with a chuckle. "But anything you want to share, I'm interested to hear about."
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She smiles as he touches her hair, and returns the affection by caressing his cheek. "You know a lot already," she says. "Even some of my deep dark secrets." She brushes some of his hair back from his face. "I want to know everything about you too. Anything you're comfortable sharing. Or even if you're not comfortable but want to share anyway. You're always safe with me."
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