trashchildren | For Joan

"Alright. You wanna go around and check everything over while I pack, make sure the toaster isn't gonna burn the building down while we're gone and stuff like that?" he requests with a smile.

"I can do that."

Joan moves through the apartment, unplugging things. There really isn't that much to do, since Ted doesn't spend much time here. It strikes her that he came here last night, to an apartment that is barely lived in, when he was sad and angry. It makes her sad just thinking about it.

Once everything has been sorted Joan comes into the bedroom and sits on the bed to watch as Ted packs.

There is in fact an opened bottle of whiskey on the living room table, with a glass that's obviously been recently used. It wasn't exactly a very cheerful evening...

He doesn't have too much here, so the packing doesn't take very long. And he can always do laundry over there, or buy things he forgets to pack. He's just about done when Joan joins him.

"Alright, I think that's everything," he says, closing the suitcase and taking it off the bed, setting it by the door. "Bed's all yours."

That makes Joan sad too. She worries a little about Ted's drinking at times. She wouldn't call him an alcoholic per se, but there are times he appears to be self-medicating with alcohol, and that concerns her. Seeing that bottle and glass also reminds her of how badly she hurt him. She closes the bottle and puts it in the cabinet, then washes the glass and sets it next to the sink to dry.

She nods as he puts the suitcase by the door, then looks up at him. She's tired and sad, for so many reasons.

"Can you stay while I fall asleep?"

"I was planning to, yeah," he answers with a warm smile, going to wrap an arm around her shoulders and give her head a kiss. He'd rather not leave her at all, but if he's going to then he wants to make sure she's alright before he does. As alright as she can be.

She smiles a little and lowers her head when he says he was planning on staying. Of course he was. He is so devoted to her, and it makes her heart ache a little, feeling seen and loved even...especially...when times are hard.

Joan leans into him for a breath. Then she toes off her shoes and climbs into bed, getting under the covers.

"Can you lie down with me?" she asks softly.

"Of course," he answers, toeing off his sneakers. He was planning to sit down next to her at the very least, but he'll gladly lie down if she wants him to. They've got plenty of time before the flight, so he doesn't need to rush off.

He's also grateful that she does actually ask for these things. She may be closing herself off now and then to deal with everything, but she's not afraid to make requests of him, because she knows he'll be there for her.

He crawls into bed next to her, wrapping an arm around her. He knows he probably has little hope of sneaking out without her waking up a little bit, but hopefully by then she'll be sleepy enough to not worry.

He's special. She knows she doesn't have to be strong for him, like she has to be for Sherlock. She knows she doesn't have to be hypercompetent for him, like she has to be for the people she works with in a male-dominated field. And she knows she can show weakness without being judged or coddled or both, like with her family. So she can ask him for things and be vulnerable and needy and she knows everything will be okay.

She moves close to him, nestling against him, and for a moment she gazes at him, lifting a hand to touch his cheek, her heart achingly full of love and grief.

"I love you," she whispers again.

Ted gazes back at her, his expression mirroring hers - though less grief, and more a bone-deep sadness at her grief, and the fact there's nothing he can do to fix that for her.

"I love you too," he answers. "So much."

She sees her pain reflected back at her, and it doesn't exactly make her feel better; it makes her feel like she's going to be okay. He gives her hope that she can survive this, that one day she will feel whole again.

She leans in to kiss him gently.

He kisses his back, reaching up to stroke her hair softly. He can't imagine there's anything he wouldn't do for her. And he knows she will be okay too, that all it takes is time and support, and a safe space to grieve and heal. And he'll do his best to make sure she has that.

When their lips part Joan sighs softly, opening her eyes just to gaze at him for another moment, before closing her eyes again, her body slowly relaxing as she begins to drift off to sleep.

Ted keeps stroking her hair softly, watching her. As she starts to drift off, the sadness seems to fade from her expression into something more peaceful, and he's tempted to just take a nap right next to her himself. But no, he does need to get going.

He waits until he hopes she's deep enough asleep not to notice too badly when he moves. He carefully slips away, kissing her forehead before he gets out of bed. "I'll be back later," he whispers reassuringly, to make sure she doesn't worry at him being gone.

Joan is so weary, physically and emotionally, that when she falls asleep she sinks pretty deep. She stirs a tiny bit when he moves, her lips half-forming words that she doesn't voice, then settles again.

Ted goes to find one of his tiny 'BELIEVE' signs, and props it up on the nightstand so she'll see it when she wakes up. He just stands there and looks at her for a second, before he heads out to go to the club.

He hadn't actually told anyone what the emergency was, so they're all a little bit worried when he shows up. It's a somber conversation, and everyone offers their condolences and asks if there's anything they can do.

And they're of course totally fine with him disappearing for a week - even if Ted can tell that Beard's a little worried about the team, with Ted being gone again. They go over plans for the next two weeks, and Ted promises to check in through his computer.

Joan wakes up while Ted is still out, and the first thing she sees when she opens her eyes is that BELIEVE sign. It's the perfect way to wake up. She smiles and gazes at it for a few moments, just absorbing the significance behind it, a great deal of love and reassurance and hope. He took the time to make sure that even if she woke up alone she wouldn't really be alone.

She gets up and wanders barefoot into the kitchen to get a glass of water, then moves to the window, looking out as she drinks the water. She's not aware of it, but she's standing in the same spot where Michelle stood when Ted found her crying.

Ted gets back to the apartment and heads inside quietly, not wanting to slam doors and wake her if she's still asleep. He goes to the kitchen first, then stops as he spots her standing there.

It definitely does bring back some painful memories. "Hey," he says softly, and he can't help keep all the sadness out of it.

She's lost in thought when he comes in, so he startles her a little, and she turns quickly.

"Oh...I didn't hear you come in." She sees his expression, and her brow furrows faintly, adding concern to her grief. "Are you okay?"

Well, at least she's not crying. Ted's shoulders sag, just a tiny bit.

"Yeah, I'm alright," he reassures her, giving her a small smile. He goes over to kiss her hello. At least he can do that.

There was something there in his expression, but Joan lets it go. She puts the empty glass down as he approaches so she can wrap her arms around him to kiss him back, soft and gentle.

"Did it go okay?" she asks when their lips part, not letting go of him.

"Yeah. Everyone offers their love," he answers, feeling that's the most important part to mention. "And Beard and I went over plans, so they should be alright without me for a week or two."

He hopes it won't be more than a week, so he'll be back in decent time before the next match, but he has absolutely no intention of making her feel rushed.

"That's good," she says with a nod. She wants Ted to be able to do as much work as he needs, knowing that the team is extremely important to him. She'll try to get them both back to London as soon as possible. She would send him back on his own if things were going long, but she's pretty sure he wouldn't go, and she wouldn't want him to.

She leans in, tightening the embrace and laying her head on his shoulder, just to hold and be held.

Ted holds onto her maybe a bit more tightly than he would otherwise, if he was just the one comforting her. He turns his head a bit to kiss her hair.

"I'm so lucky to have you," he whispers softly, his voice full of both love and sadness.

Now she's sure there's something bothering him, but she's not going to pry. She just tightens her hold a little bit, almost protectively, and turns her head to kiss his cheek.

"I'm lucky to have you too," she murmurs, her voice likewise filled with love and sadness, although doubtless for different reasons.

He holds her for a few moments more, then gently pulls back just enough to look at her.

"You want to head to the airport?" he asks softly. They have plenty of time, so there's no rush, but they might as well wait there.

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