For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[theodorelasso]

"Of course," he answers, toeing off his sneakers. He was planning to sit down next to her at the very least, but he'll gladly lie down if she wants him to. They've got plenty of time before the flight, so he doesn't need to rush off.

He's also grateful that she does actually ask for these things. She may be closing herself off now and then to deal with everything, but she's not afraid to make requests of him, because she knows he'll be there for her.

He crawls into bed next to her, wrapping an arm around her. He knows he probably has little hope of sneaking out without her waking up a little bit, but hopefully by then she'll be sleepy enough to not worry.

[formersurgeon]

He's special. She knows she doesn't have to be strong for him, like she has to be for Sherlock. She knows she doesn't have to be hypercompetent for him, like she has to be for the people she works with in a male-dominated field. And she knows she can show weakness without being judged or coddled or both, like with her family. So she can ask him for things and be vulnerable and needy and she knows everything will be okay.

She moves close to him, nestling against him, and for a moment she gazes at him, lifting a hand to touch his cheek, her heart achingly full of love and grief.

"I love you," she whispers again.

[theodorelasso]

Ted gazes back at her, his expression mirroring hers - though less grief, and more a bone-deep sadness at her grief, and the fact there's nothing he can do to fix that for her.

"I love you too," he answers. "So much."

[formersurgeon]

She sees her pain reflected back at her, and it doesn't exactly make her feel better; it makes her feel like she's going to be okay. He gives her hope that she can survive this, that one day she will feel whole again.

She leans in to kiss him gently.

[theodorelasso]

He kisses his back, reaching up to stroke her hair softly. He can't imagine there's anything he wouldn't do for her. And he knows she will be okay too, that all it takes is time and support, and a safe space to grieve and heal. And he'll do his best to make sure she has that.

[formersurgeon]

When their lips part Joan sighs softly, opening her eyes just to gaze at him for another moment, before closing her eyes again, her body slowly relaxing as she begins to drift off to sleep.

[theodorelasso]

Ted keeps stroking her hair softly, watching her. As she starts to drift off, the sadness seems to fade from her expression into something more peaceful, and he's tempted to just take a nap right next to her himself. But no, he does need to get going.

He waits until he hopes she's deep enough asleep not to notice too badly when he moves. He carefully slips away, kissing her forehead before he gets out of bed. "I'll be back later," he whispers reassuringly, to make sure she doesn't worry at him being gone.

[formersurgeon]

Joan is so weary, physically and emotionally, that when she falls asleep she sinks pretty deep. She stirs a tiny bit when he moves, her lips half-forming words that she doesn't voice, then settles again.

[theodorelasso]

Ted goes to find one of his tiny 'BELIEVE' signs, and props it up on the nightstand so she'll see it when she wakes up. He just stands there and looks at her for a second, before he heads out to go to the club.

He hadn't actually told anyone what the emergency was, so they're all a little bit worried when he shows up. It's a somber conversation, and everyone offers their condolences and asks if there's anything they can do.

And they're of course totally fine with him disappearing for a week - even if Ted can tell that Beard's a little worried about the team, with Ted being gone again. They go over plans for the next two weeks, and Ted promises to check in through his computer.

[formersurgeon]

Joan wakes up while Ted is still out, and the first thing she sees when she opens her eyes is that BELIEVE sign. It's the perfect way to wake up. She smiles and gazes at it for a few moments, just absorbing the significance behind it, a great deal of love and reassurance and hope. He took the time to make sure that even if she woke up alone she wouldn't really be alone.

She gets up and wanders barefoot into the kitchen to get a glass of water, then moves to the window, looking out as she drinks the water. She's not aware of it, but she's standing in the same spot where Michelle stood when Ted found her crying.

[theodorelasso]

Ted gets back to the apartment and heads inside quietly, not wanting to slam doors and wake her if she's still asleep. He goes to the kitchen first, then stops as he spots her standing there.

It definitely does bring back some painful memories. "Hey," he says softly, and he can't help keep all the sadness out of it.

[formersurgeon]

She's lost in thought when he comes in, so he startles her a little, and she turns quickly.

"Oh...I didn't hear you come in." She sees his expression, and her brow furrows faintly, adding concern to her grief. "Are you okay?"

[theodorelasso]

Well, at least she's not crying. Ted's shoulders sag, just a tiny bit.

"Yeah, I'm alright," he reassures her, giving her a small smile. He goes over to kiss her hello. At least he can do that.

[formersurgeon]

There was something there in his expression, but Joan lets it go. She puts the empty glass down as he approaches so she can wrap her arms around him to kiss him back, soft and gentle.

"Did it go okay?" she asks when their lips part, not letting go of him.

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah. Everyone offers their love," he answers, feeling that's the most important part to mention. "And Beard and I went over plans, so they should be alright without me for a week or two."

He hopes it won't be more than a week, so he'll be back in decent time before the next match, but he has absolutely no intention of making her feel rushed.

[formersurgeon]

"That's good," she says with a nod. She wants Ted to be able to do as much work as he needs, knowing that the team is extremely important to him. She'll try to get them both back to London as soon as possible. She would send him back on his own if things were going long, but she's pretty sure he wouldn't go, and she wouldn't want him to.

She leans in, tightening the embrace and laying her head on his shoulder, just to hold and be held.

[theodorelasso]

Ted holds onto her maybe a bit more tightly than he would otherwise, if he was just the one comforting her. He turns his head a bit to kiss her hair.

"I'm so lucky to have you," he whispers softly, his voice full of both love and sadness.

[formersurgeon]

Now she's sure there's something bothering him, but she's not going to pry. She just tightens her hold a little bit, almost protectively, and turns her head to kiss his cheek.

"I'm lucky to have you too," she murmurs, her voice likewise filled with love and sadness, although doubtless for different reasons.

[theodorelasso]

He holds her for a few moments more, then gently pulls back just enough to look at her.

"You want to head to the airport?" he asks softly. They have plenty of time, so there's no rush, but they might as well wait there.

[formersurgeon]

"Sure," she says. They have time, but they don't want to be hurrying at all. "We should swing by 221B and pick up Sherlock." They could meet up at the airport, but she feels like it's better if they go together.

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods in agreement. This feels like something they should do together. "Come on, then," he says, and gives her a soft kiss, before he pulls back so they can leave.

[formersurgeon]

She kisses him back and then goes to get her bags.

It's a lovely afternoon when they emerge, and Joan takes a deep breath, sighing it out and letting her shoulders relax a little before heading toward the main road to hail a cab.

[theodorelasso]

Ted follows along, glad to see her try to relax.

"Oh, one second," he says, setting down his suitcase and disappearing into a shop - specifically a bakery. He reappears minutes later with a big bag of sandwiches, as Joan has managed to get a cab. "Better than airport food."

He is well aware that Joan still hasn't eaten much.

[formersurgeon]

Joan loves how Ted is so thoughtful and caring. She knows he's aware that she hasn't eaten much. And he's right, these sandwiches will be miles better than the fare they're likely to find at the airport.

Once they're in the cab Joan texts Sherlock to let him know they're coming, and Sherlock texts back in his usual txtspk that he'll be ready when they get there.

That done, Joan puts her phone away and leans against Ted.

[theodorelasso]

Ted puts his arm Joan's shoulders, leaning against her as well, continuing his gentle nattering on. He spots a nightclub with a strange name, which for some reason reminds him of Dirty Dancing, which then leads him to consider Patrick Swayze's career. He can do this sort of association game all day, if she needs.

Although he'll probably tone it down once Sherlock's there. Or maybe actually engage Sherlock in conversation, and she can listen to that if she wants instead.