For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[formersurgeon]

She'd be happy to tell him if he asked, sharing her own story about something he's figured out. About the man who cut her off, even about the first time she met Sherlock and he hit her with a deduction about her deepest and most painful secret right off the bat. A secret Ted doesn't know yet.

"It's nothing like that," she says. "There's nothing I deduced about you at first that we haven't talked about. And to be honest, some of my first impressions turned out to be wrong."

[theodorelasso]

"Alright, that I am curious about," he says with a warm chuckle. He's plenty used to people making certain assumptions about him, and that doesn't actually bother him at all. That says more about them than about him.

[formersurgeon]

That's definitely the case in this instance.

"Okay. Well." She takes a breath. Here goes nothing. "My first impression was that your optimism and affection for your players would blind you to their faults. That the illegal activity was probably happening right under your nose and you couldn't or wouldn't see it. I was wrong. I think my assumption was that the only way you can be so positive is by ignoring reality. But you've taught me that isn't true at all."

She takes his hands.

"I'm actually really grateful to you for that."

[theodorelasso]

That's actually... really touching. And he was right, it does say more about her than it does about him, though not necessarily any surprises. Like that she's seen a lot of things that maybe have made it difficult to be an optimist. And that so easily seeing people's faults makes it hard to have faith in them.

"Well honestly, it's easy to be positive if everything's peachy, and it's easy to love someone when they're perfect," he answers. "I don't think you can truly care about someone until you've seen their faults too. You gotta accept the whole person, and you gotta be there for them even at their worst."

[formersurgeon]

He's right, and she agrees wholeheartedly, even if her acceptance of people comes with a lot more sorrow than optimism. She thinks about her biological father, abandoned to homelessness by her mother due to his schizophrenia, who Joan tried to see by volunteering at homeless shelters. Or Liam, who Joan tried to help get clean, her career as a sober companion being penance for her failure.

"I agree," she says softly, but her expression is clearly troubled. There's so much she wants to tell him.

[theodorelasso]

Ted frowns softly, and it's obvious there's something weighing on her mind. He doesn't know whether it's something she's experienced, or maybe even some flaw she has that she's worried about him now accepting. Whatever it is, he really wants to know, and to be able to be there for her.

He also knows that she doesn't really have time for it right now, it's probably not a great idea to start digging into potentially upsetting things, especially if she's going to go off to, you know, solve crime.

"Hey.." he says softly, giving her hands a comforting squeeze. "After you finish this case, you can come stay over, and we can talk for as long as we want."

[formersurgeon]

"I'd like that," she says, giving him a small smile and squeezing his hands back. She wants to tell him things. She also wants to know things, about him, about the rough things he's been through, about his faults. She wants to know, and to be known, and while the first is par for the course for a detective, the second is unusual for her, and testament to how much she trusts him, and how much she wants to be with him, in an equal and loving relationship, loving him in his entirety and being loved by him in her entirety.

She goes up on her toes to give him a brief kiss.

"Turn around, I'll get your back."

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles and does as she says. They manage to not get too distracted during the rest of the shower, and actually focus on getting clean. Even if Ted would rather stay there for much longer.

But, the sooner she leaves, the sooner she can solve the case, and the sooner she can come back, right?

[formersurgeon]

Right. Joan is definitely motivated to solve the case as expeditiously as possible so she can return to Ted as soon as possible.

Once she's out of the shower she dresses quickly, her stylish clothes also simple and practical.

"I'll text you," she says, zipping up her boots. "Keep you abreast of our progress."

[theodorelasso]

Ted meanwhile changes into his pyjamas, aka sweatpants and a Kansas City barbecue t-shirt.

"Alright," Ted agrees, nodding. "I mean, I probably don't need the details," he adds with a smile. Not that he thinks Joan is going to tell him too much about it all.

[formersurgeon]

"I'll spare you the gruesome stuff," she says with a smile, one that widens at seeing him in his pajamas. It's such an adorably cozy sight, and she's sad again that they can't spend the night together.

She stands up and goes to him, slides her arms around him and kisses him softly.

[theodorelasso]

Ted returns the favor, taking a moment to just enjoy having her in his arms, since it'll be the last time for a few days. He's glad he's got work to distract him in the meantime. And now he doesn't need to be secretive about dating Joan while at work either.

[formersurgeon]

She takes advantage of that moment too, enjoying the warmth and affection. She knows she's going to miss him terribly.

She finally, regretfully, pulls back.

"Please feel free to text me, too, if you want. I'd like to know what you're up to."

[theodorelasso]

"I will," Ted promises. He can imagine it's nice to have little reminders of normality and lightheartedness to keep you grounded. He's happy to provide that.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock will probably think it's a distraction, but it will actually help her concentrate, since she won't be constantly wondering what he's doing, constantly missing him terribly.

"I'll see you soon," she says...then ducks in to kiss him one last time before heading for the door.

[theodorelasso]

"Good luck, be safe," he says, standing at the door and watching her disappear down the stairs, smiling to himself for a moment after she's gone, before closing the door.

On the plus side, it's late enough now that he can call Henry and chat with him for a while.