For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[formersurgeon]

Joan makes the last couple decisions, pays for the tickets, and sends the boarding pass files to the printer. Then she gets up and joins him in their bedroom. She gets out her suitcase as well and opens it on the bed, then starts to pack in an efficient manner. She's not really planning out outfits, just taking individual clothing components along with socks and underwear.

She's still very focused.

[theodorelasso]

Ted tries not to worry too much about Joan. For now, he's pretty sure this is helping her. There will come a time soon where she needs to slow down and feel her feelings, but for now he perfectly understands the need to focus on something else.

He's just packing alongside her, focusing on that. He makes sure to bring the suit, as well as clothes for cold weather. He hasn't looked up the weather forecast over there, but he assumes it's likely to be pretty darn cold.

When they're both all packed up (Ted has a bit less stuff in his suitcase, but packed slower), Ted closes it up and looks over at Joan. "I'm gonna head down to Richmond. You want to come along, or?" he offers.

[formersurgeon]

Joan looks at her closed suitcase, and again feels at a loss. She looks up at him, the first time since the conversation with her father, and Ted can doubtless see the grief beginning to creep back in.

"I'd like that," she says. Better than being alone. It will give her something to do.

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods and smiles gently. "Alright. Can you order us a cab?" he requests, picking up his suitcase. He's intentionally giving her something to do.

He's suddenly reminded of how he gives Henry tasks to keep him occupied and entertained. It's a solid strategy for all ages, it seems. Though he definitely doesn't plan to mention this anytime soon, since it would probably come off as a little infantilising.

[formersurgeon]

Joan knows what he's doing. He realizes keeping busy helps her manage the grief. She smiles faintly, feeling so seen and loved.

"Sure," she says, pulling out her phone and scrolling through the numbers for cab companies. She chooses one she's had good luck with, which also happens to be the cab company Beard used to get Joan back to Ted.

She calls.

"Ten minutes," she tells Ted when the call is over.

[theodorelasso]

Meanwhile, Ted brings their suitcases downstairs, and mentally starts going over what needs doing. He checks the trash and takes out the food garbage, so it doesn't stink up the place while they're gone, and he suggests Joan makes sure stuff is unplugged and in general safe to be left alone for a while.

It's easy enough to find things to do to fill the ten minutes at least. But then they carry the stuff to the cab, lock the door behind them, and get in and sit down, and suddenly there's not that much that can be done.

Ted reaches over and takes Joan's hand.

[formersurgeon]

He keeps her busy, but not with make-work. These are things that absolutely should be done that she herself might not have thought about, being laser-focused on the task of getting to New York.

Once they're in the cab, Joan is staring out the window when Ted takes her hand. She turns her head to look at him, and gives him a very slight smile.

"I love you," she says quietly. There's a lot packed into those three words. Gratitude and apology and vulnerability and trust and grief.

[theodorelasso]

Somehow he doesn't think handing her a Rubiks Cube will do the same trick it does with Henry. It needs to be something actual useful. Like making sure the fridge isn't full of perishables. (Which, he's sure Sherlock could just arrange for someone to check over all those things.) Or, if not useful, then it actually needs to be distracting and valuable enough in some other way to be worth spending time on.

He just wants to make this the least painful it can be. Especially right now, when she can't even share her grief with the people who knew her mother.

He returns the smile, and he understands the depth. "I love you too," he answers.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock knew her mother, but sharing grief with Sherlock is awkward for them both at the best of times. Ted is deeply empathetic, and can understand and respond to emotions that Sherlock can only be awkwardly mystified by, so she's grateful to have him by her side, even if she shuts down and shuts him out at various points.

Joan leans against him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Can I take a nap at your place?" she asks softly.

[theodorelasso]

"Of course," he answers, kissing her hair then leaning his head gently against hers. "I have to go by the club before we leave. I'm sure they'll be fine with me taking some time off, but I'd like to at least tell them in person."

[formersurgeon]

"It's a good idea," she says softly. She appreciates Ted wanting to speak to people in person when it comes to things like this. Personal connections are important in general, and she knows they're particularly important to him.

After a moment, she murmurs: "I'm sorry to be taking you away again."

[theodorelasso]

"Oh, don't you dare blame yourself for that," he says immediately, even if he knows that's a futile effort to make. "Family and loved ones are always more important than work."

He gives her shoulder a good squeeze, and he really means it. If he's sad, it's because his heart hurts for her, not because he has to skip out on the team for a week.

"Besides, circumstances aside, it'll be nice to see your place and meet your friends," he points out.

There is another consideration, which is that maybe Henry can come visit them up in New York for a couple days, if Joan's busy with family stuff that Ted shouldn't intrude on. Ted couldn't see him because of work, and cause the travel's very far, but now...

Well, he doesn't want to voice it yet, because he needs to speak to Michelle, and figure out what's happening the week they're there, and all that stuff. Besides, he doesn't want to seem like he's going with her just for that.

[formersurgeon]

Joan might even know intellectually that she's not to blame, but it doesn't mean she won't feel guilt anyway. She does smile a bit at his mention of her friends.

"They're going to love you," she says softly. There's a sadness to it, of course, as it echoes what she said earlier about how Joan's mother would have loved Ted. But she's sincerely looking forward to introducing Ted to everybody she can.

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods in agreement, smiling gently at her. "And don't you worry about me while we're over there, alright?" he adds. "If you need to go do family stuff or something without me, I'll find things to occupy myself. And if you need help with anything at all, all you gotta do is ask."

[formersurgeon]

"You can spend some time with Sherlock," she offers quietly. "Or just look around the Brownstone. Spend some time with the bees."

She's just musing now, imagining Ted at the home that Sherlock and Joan share.

Or shared. They're living in London now.

[theodorelasso]

"I'd love to meet the bees," Ted answers with a smile. "Though aren't they hibernating for winter or something?"

He doesn't know that much about bees, but he does know you don't generally see them during winter. Seems like the cold would do them in if they went flying around.

[formersurgeon]

'No," she says with a faint smile. "When it's cold the bees come together to keep each other warm."

She turns her head a little to kiss his shoulder.

[theodorelasso]

"Awww, that's sweet," Ted answers with a smile, squeezing her hand as she kisses his shoulder. He's glad she's smiling at least a little and showing affection. "Although taking a nice long nap for the cold seasons sounds pretty good too, honestly. Then again, you miss out on prime sweater weather and cocoa drinking and all that good stuff," he muses, just gently chattering to keep Joan entertained.

[formersurgeon]

Joan knows there are some people who find Ted's talkativeness annoying, but Joan typically doesn't mind, and right now she's deeply grateful. She just relaxes against him and listens to him talk, occasionally giving him a "mhmm" to let him know she's listening.

When the cab gets to Ted's apartment she squeezes his hand before letting go and climbing out of the cab to wait by the door of his building.

[theodorelasso]

Ted can natter on for ages if need be, going off on tangents upon tangents, and Joan seems to appreciate the distraction.

He thanks and pays the driver, getting their suitcases and following after Joan. He's of course long since given her a key, after what happened, so he lets her unlock it as he carries stuff inside.

He has a Christmas tree up in this apartment too of course, though it's a bit more sparsely decorated otherwise compared to 221A.

"You wanted to take a nap?"

[formersurgeon]

Joan follows him inside, and smiles at the tree. It's been a while since she's actually been in this apartment, since they spend their time together in 221A.She knows Ted doesn't spend all that much time here, and yet he made sure there was a little bit of Christmas cheer in this place as well. It's very Ted.

"Yes," she answers. "I can do that when you go to Nelson Road."

[theodorelasso]

"Alright. You wanna go around and check everything over while I pack, make sure the toaster isn't gonna burn the building down while we're gone and stuff like that?" he requests with a smile.

[formersurgeon]

"I can do that."

Joan moves through the apartment, unplugging things. There really isn't that much to do, since Ted doesn't spend much time here. It strikes her that he came here last night, to an apartment that is barely lived in, when he was sad and angry. It makes her sad just thinking about it.

Once everything has been sorted Joan comes into the bedroom and sits on the bed to watch as Ted packs.

[theodorelasso]

There is in fact an opened bottle of whiskey on the living room table, with a glass that's obviously been recently used. It wasn't exactly a very cheerful evening...

He doesn't have too much here, so the packing doesn't take very long. And he can always do laundry over there, or buy things he forgets to pack. He's just about done when Joan joins him.

"Alright, I think that's everything," he says, closing the suitcase and taking it off the bed, setting it by the door. "Bed's all yours."

[formersurgeon]

That makes Joan sad too. She worries a little about Ted's drinking at times. She wouldn't call him an alcoholic per se, but there are times he appears to be self-medicating with alcohol, and that concerns her. Seeing that bottle and glass also reminds her of how badly she hurt him. She closes the bottle and puts it in the cabinet, then washes the glass and sets it next to the sink to dry.

She nods as he puts the suitcase by the door, then looks up at him. She's tired and sad, for so many reasons.

"Can you stay while I fall asleep?"