For Joan

Jun. 24th, 2021 07:33 pm
theodorelasso: (Default)
[personal profile] theodorelasso posting in [community profile] trashchildren
Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

Date: 2021-12-17 05:14 am (UTC)
formersurgeon: (uncertain)
From: [personal profile] formersurgeon
He keeps her busy, but not with make-work. These are things that absolutely should be done that she herself might not have thought about, being laser-focused on the task of getting to New York.

Once they're in the cab, Joan is staring out the window when Ted takes her hand. She turns her head to look at him, and gives him a very slight smile.

"I love you," she says quietly. There's a lot packed into those three words. Gratitude and apology and vulnerability and trust and grief.

Date: 2021-12-17 05:38 am (UTC)
formersurgeon: (uncertain)
From: [personal profile] formersurgeon
Sherlock knew her mother, but sharing grief with Sherlock is awkward for them both at the best of times. Ted is deeply empathetic, and can understand and respond to emotions that Sherlock can only be awkwardly mystified by, so she's grateful to have him by her side, even if she shuts down and shuts him out at various points.

Joan leans against him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Can I take a nap at your place?" she asks softly.

Date: 2021-12-17 05:57 am (UTC)
formersurgeon: (grief)
From: [personal profile] formersurgeon
"It's a good idea," she says softly. She appreciates Ted wanting to speak to people in person when it comes to things like this. Personal connections are important in general, and she knows they're particularly important to him.

After a moment, she murmurs: "I'm sorry to be taking you away again."

Date: 2021-12-17 06:20 am (UTC)
formersurgeon: (ponder)
From: [personal profile] formersurgeon
Joan might even know intellectually that she's not to blame, but it doesn't mean she won't feel guilt anyway. She does smile a bit at his mention of her friends.

"They're going to love you," she says softly. There's a sadness to it, of course, as it echoes what she said earlier about how Joan's mother would have loved Ted. But she's sincerely looking forward to introducing Ted to everybody she can.

Date: 2021-12-17 05:41 pm (UTC)
formersurgeon: (profile)
From: [personal profile] formersurgeon
"You can spend some time with Sherlock," she offers quietly. "Or just look around the Brownstone. Spend some time with the bees."

She's just musing now, imagining Ted at the home that Sherlock and Joan share.

Or shared. They're living in London now.

Date: 2021-12-18 12:14 am (UTC)
formersurgeon: (ponder)
From: [personal profile] formersurgeon
'No," she says with a faint smile. "When it's cold the bees come together to keep each other warm."

She turns her head a little to kiss his shoulder.

Date: 2021-12-18 12:56 am (UTC)
formersurgeon: (profile)
From: [personal profile] formersurgeon
Joan knows there are some people who find Ted's talkativeness annoying, but Joan typically doesn't mind, and right now she's deeply grateful. She just relaxes against him and listens to him talk, occasionally giving him a "mhmm" to let him know she's listening.

When the cab gets to Ted's apartment she squeezes his hand before letting go and climbing out of the cab to wait by the door of his building.

Date: 2021-12-18 04:38 am (UTC)
formersurgeon: (listen)
From: [personal profile] formersurgeon
Joan follows him inside, and smiles at the tree. It's been a while since she's actually been in this apartment, since they spend their time together in 221A.She knows Ted doesn't spend all that much time here, and yet he made sure there was a little bit of Christmas cheer in this place as well. It's very Ted.

"Yes," she answers. "I can do that when you go to Nelson Road."

Date: 2021-12-18 05:00 am (UTC)
formersurgeon: (listen)
From: [personal profile] formersurgeon
"I can do that."

Joan moves through the apartment, unplugging things. There really isn't that much to do, since Ted doesn't spend much time here. It strikes her that he came here last night, to an apartment that is barely lived in, when he was sad and angry. It makes her sad just thinking about it.

Once everything has been sorted Joan comes into the bedroom and sits on the bed to watch as Ted packs.

Date: 2021-12-18 05:22 am (UTC)
formersurgeon: (profile)
From: [personal profile] formersurgeon
That makes Joan sad too. She worries a little about Ted's drinking at times. She wouldn't call him an alcoholic per se, but there are times he appears to be self-medicating with alcohol, and that concerns her. Seeing that bottle and glass also reminds her of how badly she hurt him. She closes the bottle and puts it in the cabinet, then washes the glass and sets it next to the sink to dry.

She nods as he puts the suitcase by the door, then looks up at him. She's tired and sad, for so many reasons.

"Can you stay while I fall asleep?"

Date: 2021-12-18 05:45 am (UTC)
formersurgeon: (ponder)
From: [personal profile] formersurgeon
She smiles a little and lowers her head when he says he was planning on staying. Of course he was. He is so devoted to her, and it makes her heart ache a little, feeling seen and loved even...especially...when times are hard.

Joan leans into him for a breath. Then she toes off her shoes and climbs into bed, getting under the covers.

"Can you lie down with me?" she asks softly.

Date: 2021-12-18 06:05 am (UTC)
formersurgeon: (profile)
From: [personal profile] formersurgeon
He's special. She knows she doesn't have to be strong for him, like she has to be for Sherlock. She knows she doesn't have to be hypercompetent for him, like she has to be for the people she works with in a male-dominated field. And she knows she can show weakness without being judged or coddled or both, like with her family. So she can ask him for things and be vulnerable and needy and she knows everything will be okay.

She moves close to him, nestling against him, and for a moment she gazes at him, lifting a hand to touch his cheek, her heart achingly full of love and grief.

"I love you," she whispers again.

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