For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

Comments

[theodorelasso]

Again: Ted can't imagine going through this. Or... now he thinks he can imagine maybe a sliver of what Irene went through. And he hadn't even gotten that much of the mind games treatment. Turner had tried, but honestly he hadn't been very good at it. If it hadn't been for the abuse, he doubts it would've made much of an impact on Ted.

He listens intently to the story - he almost has to remind himself that it's not just a story. As she pauses, he frowns. When she continues, he sits up, following the train of thought.

"Wait... So... Wait..." he says, eyes darting around as he tries to connect the dots. Obviously she's saying she was never held captive.

But then that would mean... she was willingly faking it? She faked her own death too?

"Wait, so either Moriarty helped her, or...?"

[formersurgeon]

"She was Moriarty," she says softly.

She gives Ted a moment to wrap his brain around that.

[theodorelasso]

Ted breathes out a soft 'whoa'... He tries to process that, tries to recontextualize everything she said so far around it. He thoughtfully flops back against the chair.

Then immediately lets out an "ow" as his body complains.

[formersurgeon]

It feels good to tell Ted this story. It's really important for his understanding of who Moriarty is, to Sherlock, to Joan, and in general. And that sound of wonder is exactly the reaction she expects.

Then she hears that pained noise and frowns.

"You okay?"

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah, I just leaned back too fast," he explains, mildly annoyed. It's frustrating, having to be constantly careful about how he moves. It's not something he's particularly good at keeping in mind.

"Hey, have I eve mentioned your life is absolutely bananas?" he says conversationally. Because that's sort of the impression he's left with here. That, and just... getting a deeper understanding of Sherlock, and what him and Joan have been through together.

[formersurgeon]

She laughs softly.

"Not in so many words, no. But you're definitely not wrong." Her tone becomes more serious, perhaps with a touch of worry. "That's not going to change," she says quietly. "Are you okay with that?"

With everything that's happened and everything he's learned...well, she wouldn't blame him if he decided it's all too much for him.

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah, well, my life is pretty bananas too, just in a very different way," he points out. They don't live boring lives, that's for sure.

But it's a serious question, so it deserves a serious answer too. "I mean, it's a lot to adjust to, but I think I'm okay with it, yeah." He thinks it will get easier over time - as long as he isn't kidnapped again, obviously. "Predictability isn't necessarily that high on my list of needs."

[formersurgeon]

"I'm glad," she says softly. "Because...I want to be with you for the long term."

It's a raw and vulnerable thing to say, especially when they're an ocean apart. And in such sharp contrast to the public knowledge of their relationship, or lack thereof. But she feels the need to say it.

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah. Me too," he agrees, mirroring her softness. Honestly, if he didn't, he wouldn't be doing all this. If he didn't think there's a chance they can be happy together for maybe even the rest of their lives, then maybe he wouldn't think all this was worth it. But he does.

He lets that sit there for a moment. But before they get to that point, there's the pressing matter of the case Joan is working on. That's how they actually get to that point.

"So... I dunno, one thing that strikes me about all this is that... You know, Turner wasn't very competent," he points out. "If he was supposed to kill me, then he made a lot of stupid mistakes. The van, the phone... And if he wasn't supposed to, then he cut it pretty close."

Ted is aware there's a lot of luck involved in him surviving. Some of those kicks could've easily led to some pretty severe internal bleeding. The hit on the head could've killed him just in itself.

[formersurgeon]

Her heart warms at that, knowing that they're both thinking long term with each other. She wishes dearly that she could be with him right now and hold him as they murmur these things to each other, but they'll have to wait.

"Mmm," she says, considering that. "Not everyone Moriarty has employed in the past have been entirely competent. But you're right, usually they are a little more refined than this. She tends to use scalpels, not sledgehammers, and Chapman is definitely a sledgehammer." She frowns. "The question is how do we make sure it's not her? And how do we find out who it was?" She presses her hand to her eyes again and sighs. "If Chapman was talking it would be easier, but Sherlock says he refuses to say anything."

[theodorelasso]

Ted purses his lips a little. "Yeah, he wasn't the most chatty with me either," he answers, considering. "Do you think they'd let me talk to him?"

It sounds like an impulsive question, but it's actually something that's been on his mind a lot. He'd like answers too. And... he'd like to see Turner as a person, not just remember him as this phantom in the dark. For his own mental well-being too, not just his safety.

[formersurgeon]

She takes her hand from her eyes and frowns, thinking about that.

"I mean...Sherlock won't like it. He can be very protective of victims. But if he thinks Chapman might talk to you..."

Sherlock might just go for it.

"Are you sure you want to? After the things he did to you...seeing him and talking to him might re-traumatize you."

[theodorelasso]

Ted's considered that too. He decides to just share his thought process. She has more experience with stuff like this.

"I mean... I thought about it," he answers. "But I'm gonna see him again for the trial, right? And..." He pauses a bit, taking a breath, trying to figure out how to put it into words.

"He wasn't what was scary about all of it. It was being alone, being in the dark, hurting. Not knowing what was going on, or if anything was coming for me," he explains, tearing up a little even as he describes it. "He was just... someone who was angry. It was his control that was scary, and he won't have that anymore."

It's probably still gonna be upsetting. But he'll be safe. And he thinks his desire to confront him and to understand outweighs the need to avoid being upset.

[formersurgeon]

She can hear the tears in his voice, and she dearly wishes that she was there to hold him, to let him hold onto her, secure in the knowledge that he is safe and so very loved.

"That makes sense," she says, understanding the importance of the power dynamic. "He'll probably be handcuffed to the table. And Sherlock will probably be watching from another room." She's still worried about him, but she gets why he might want to do this.

"You'll want to talk to Sherlock. He can set it up. You can tell him I agree that it could be helpful, if you like."

[theodorelasso]

"Thanks," he answers softly. He would've preferred to have her there too, of course. But he knows she'll be with him in spirit, so to speak.

He sniffs softly, and decides it's probably best to talk about something else.

"So you're gonna take a break to watch the game tomorrow, right?"

[formersurgeon]

That sniff makes her heart ache. She's glad when he changes the subject; it's probably good for both of them.

"I wouldn't miss it," she says, smiling. "I'm hoping they show you in the owner's box on TV. I miss your face."

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah, well, I'm the hot gossip right now, so probably," Ted answers, smiling a bit even just from her smile. "My face is about the same, but slowly getting less blue again. Right now it looks like some kids had fun face-painting me, without worrying much about color choice or aesthetics," he says, chuckling softly.

[formersurgeon]

She laughs softly with him. "It will be nice to see how much you've healed, but I'd love to see your face regardless."

She knows there will be a lot of attention on him. And she knows Ted is generally used to attention, seeing as he's in front of cameras all the time as the Richmond coach. Still, she imagines having this sort of attention is different, and probably something he would rather avoid. The fans haven't exactly been kind to him in the past, and if they're unkind now it could hurt.

"I'd ask you to say hello to Rebecca and Keeley, but..."

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah..." Ted agrees sadly. "For the record, they don't hate you or anything. Beard tried to make it clear that we broke up because you were worried about your job affecting me, and it was a mutual thing."

He smiles a bit. "Actually, Keeley did try to do the solidarity thing, pretend like she thought you were a terrible person. I wouldn't have it, obviously, and she admitted she really liked you and was really sad about not getting to hang out with you anymore."

[formersurgeon]

"I'm glad to hear that," she says, her voice a touch sad as well. "I really like Keeley too. And I'm looking forward to seeing them again. I hope they forgive us for lying to them. I'm pretty sure they will, though."

They both care deeply for Ted, and she knows they will understand that they only lied to keep him safe.

[theodorelasso]

"They will," Ted says, and he has zero doubt about that. "Keeley's about as forgiving as they come, and Rebecca.." He pauses, unsure what to say. "Well, she has reason to be understanding."

[formersurgeon]

That's an interesting way of putting it, and Joan picks up on the idea that Rebecca has been untruthful in the past. She doesn't know about what, though.

Joan looks at her clock on her night table and winces.

"It's got to be getting late there."

[theodorelasso]

Ted pulls the phone away from his ear to look at the time on it. Ah, yeah. Well, not that late, but he's been requiring a lot of sleep lately, and he usually gets up pretty early.

"Yeah, I guess. But I don't want to stop talking to you!" he says, intentionally saying it as if he were a petulant 5 year old, mostly to make Joan laugh.

[formersurgeon]

He succeeds. Joan laughs, the sound full of fondness for this adorable man. "I know," she says, still smiling. "I don't want to stop talking to you either. But I also don't want to keep you from getting the rest you need."

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah, I know," he agrees, however much he might not like it. "You can keep me company while he brush my teeth and stuff."

He carefully pushes himself to his feet with a gentle 'oof'. His knees are still pretty stiff, but at least he can walk around on his own, as long as he doesn't go running anywhere.

"So when I come visit you in New York," he begins, intentionally using 'when'. "What sort of stuff would you want to show me?"