For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[formersurgeon]

The cap comes off with not too terribly much effort, and Joan shakes the pill into her palm, still not quite trusting her fingers to hold onto something that small.

"Wouldn't put it past them at all," she says with a smile, setting the pills aside and taking up her water bottle. "I'm really glad they're hitting it off. I thought they would."

She opens the water bottle and gulps down her pill.

[theodorelasso]

"Well yeah, they're both great people who can communicate entirely through stares and obscure academic references," he answers, amused.

He reaches out to gently stroke her side with his knuckles, just wanting to be touching her. No matter that they've barely been doing anything else for the past few hours.

[formersurgeon]

She laughs softly at his assessment of Beard and Sherlock. "Pretty much," she agrees. She smiles at him as he strokes her side, her heart so warmed by his simple, gentle affection. She reaches over to gently brush his hair back from his forehead.

"I'm glad they get along," she says softly. "I know Sherlock could use some friends here."

Most of the people in London know the old, acerbic Sherlock, and it's been hard for him to have the same sort of friendships that were so hard-won in New York.

[theodorelasso]

"He's from here, right? Does he not have anyone here?" he asks curiously, and gently concerned. Sherlock can be a bit eccentric, and he's got some walls, but surely he's not that hard to get along with. But Ted's also aware he's been through some tough times, and has grown as a person in recent years.

[formersurgeon]

Joan's expression becomes a little sad. "Sherlock spent most of his life pushing people away," she says softly, still gently stroking his hair. "His father kicked his mother out of the house and sent Sherlock and Mycroft to a boarding school. You can imagine how a young, brilliant, eccentric kid like Sherlock was treated by the other boys. Then his mother died. I think for a long time he kept emotional distance from everyone to protect himself. Then he fell for 'Irene,' and it almost killed him."

[theodorelasso]

If Joan's expression became a little sad, Ted's expression becomes a lot sad. It really is heartbreaking, because Sherlock is a lovely man, but Ted can absolutely understand why he's pushed people away. It's a very human thing, to try to prevent pain, but unfortunately causing more in the process.

"Well, then I'm glad he has us," he says softly. And it does seem like Sherlock is a bit more open to making friends now. It's never too late to start opening up to people, after all.

[formersurgeon]

She sees that sadness and compassion in his face, and she doesn't think she could ever love anybody as much as she loves this man.

"I'm glad he has you," she replies, just as softly. She's so grateful to have Ted in her own life, and that's only compounded by the good he brings to the life of the other man she loves dearly.

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles softly, touched by that sentiment. They've really grown close in the past few weeks, and Ted treasures it. "And I'm glad we have him," he says. Because it definitely isn't a one-way thing.

He reaches out for her hand, running his thumb across her skin. "Although it is nice to have him not quite so close while trying to sleep," he adds playfully. He really appreciates getting some intimate time alone with her. And not just sexually.

[formersurgeon]

"Me too," she says with a smile. Things would have been very different in all sorts of ways had they not had Sherlock's help and care and company, from his invaluable investigative help when Ted was kidnapped to him carrying and guiding Joan as needed the past couple days, to his simple fellowship in dealing with the difficulties facing them.

She laughs a little at his point about Sherlock not having to watch over her anymore. "Yeah," she says, moving to lie down next to him again. "I love him, but it's nice to be naked with you again," she says playfully.

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah, I don't think he'd enjoy it if we were naked with him here," he jokes with a chuckle. He's pretty sure none of them would enjoy it. Ted might be fine being naked with Sherlock if they were like, in a locker room shower or something, but that's very different. And Joan definitely hasn't given the impression she'd be comfortable with it, the times she's had to change and such.

[formersurgeon]

"Nudity doesn't bother him," she says with a smile and shake of her head. "Or sex. It's the intimacy part that grates him. I, however, would definitely not want to be naked in front of Sherlock." Even sharing a home with the man, he has never seen her naked, and she'd like to keep it that way.

[theodorelasso]

To be fair, Ted can't imagine being naked with Joan without intimacy being involved. And sex, for him, is inherently a form of intimacy. So it's sort of the same thing.

He's never personally understood how you can enjoy having sex without having at least some of that intimacy and trust - if not romantic, then at very least on a platonic level. He didn't exactly know Sassy all that well, but they were still very much enjoying each other's company, and not just trying to satisfy their own needs. He respects that people might feel differently, but he can't identify with it.

"Does nudity bother you in general?" he asks curiously. He hadn't gotten the impression that she's particularly shy about nudity and sex, but she can imagine she just doesn't consider it any of his business.

[formersurgeon]

Joan, on the other hand, is quite familiar with sex without intimacy. Respect, yes. Mutual benefit, definitely. But she has had many "exercise partners" where that's where it stopped.

She hasn't told Ted about the exercise partners. They haven't really gone over sexual history, partly because talking about that sort of thing clearly makes him deeply uncomfortable, but also partly because she doesn't know how he'll react to learning how many men she's slept with, absolutely without ties and purely to scratch an itch. She doesn't know if it will change how he sees her.

"I used to be a doctor," she points out to answer his question. "Nudity in and of itself doesn't bother me. I just prefer to keep it situationally appropriate."

[theodorelasso]

"Makes sense, yeah," Ted agrees. "I mean, I think I'd have a hard time being right next to the locker room every day if all nudity bothered me," he says with a soft chuckle.

Though he's always been pretty intent on not looking, and compartmentalizing any sort of appreciation of players' appearance. He really doesn't want to be creepy about that sort of thing. And he himself hasn't been naked in the company of other men in many years, since as a coach he gets his own changing room.

"But yeah, as for myself, I'm pretty sure I can count on one hand the number of people in the past decade or so who've seen me naked," he adds.

[formersurgeon]

That sounds about right. Ted isn't exactly a prude, but he is fairly selective in his intimacy, which Joan can appreciate.

Joan decides not to respond to that information by sharing how many people have seen her naked in the past decade, because it's a lot.

"When we were first working together, Sherlock would say lots of things to try to shock me and drive me away, and a fair amount was sexual. Told me that with what I was getting paid I should be sleeping with him, that sort of thing. I think his experience with Irene made it particularly hard to open up to women, so he tried to relegate them to sex objects."

[theodorelasso]

Ted hums thoughtfully. It doesn't exactly surprise him, given some of Sherlock's comments towards Ted, but it does sadden him to think of him treating Joan like that. And for Sherlock to narrow his view that much.

"Well, I can definitely see why you wouldn't want to be naked in front of him then," he answers, even though he empathizes with what Sherlock was dealing with. It's understandable, but definitely not healthy, for neither him nor the people he interacted with.

[formersurgeon]

She's glad Ted gets it. Plenty of people haven't, even people Joan considers friends.

"Sex has to be off the table," she says. "Even if I was inclined to have sex with Sherlock, which I am not."

[theodorelasso]

Ted chuckles softly and gives Joan a chaste little kiss. "Well, that's good to know, I suppose," he says playfully.

He's not worried or jealous when it comes to Sherlock. Or in general, really. He trusts Joan completely. And not in the way that he knows she'd never ever cheat on him, but in the way that if she ever did (which would probably have to be some extreme circumstances in the first place), then they would talk about it and find a solution. After everything that's happened, he's finding it hard to imagine anything insurmountable, as long as they were both dedicated to finding a solution together.

"It takes a lot for sex to be on the table in the first place for me, but I know I'm a bit old fashioned," he adds with a smile. "I'm sort of the opposite of Beard that way. He's had so many girlfriends in the time I've known him, I've completely lost count."

[formersurgeon]

She returns the chaste kiss with a smile. but the smile fades a little with his description of Beard. It strikes her that she actually has a lot more in common with Beard here than with Ted. And Ted should probably know that.

"I need to tell you something," she says softly.

[theodorelasso]

Ted sobers a little at that. Whenever she says that, there's always something rather serious coming next. It concerns him a little, but it's always led to them just opening up and learning more about each other, so he's not too worried.

"Alright," he answers just as softly, and reaches over to take her hand, stroking it reassuringly.

[formersurgeon]

She squeezes his hand. She knows he loves her, and he knows she loves him. They're utterly committed to each other, and she's confident this won't change that. Still, she's worried about how he'll react to what she's about to tell him. Will he look at her differently? Second-guess his trust in her?

"I've mentioned that Sherlock has what he calls 'exercise partners.' Women he has sex with just to fulfill a need." She takes a breath. "After Andrew...I had exercise partners, too."

[theodorelasso]

Ted listens, patiently awaiting whatever reveal is coming.

And then she stops talking, and Ted waits, expecting more, but she doesn't say anything more. Just that she had sex with some people, which seems.. underwhelming?

"...Okay?" he answers uncertainly, not sure what she expected his reaction to be. He pauses briefly, going over her phrasing in his wait. "Wait, are you saying you had sex with women, or...?"

Because that's the only remarkable thing he can think of regarding that, and she did just elaborate 'exercise partners' to mean women Sherlock had sex with. Which, obviously, would also be fine, if a little surprising.

[formersurgeon]

"What?" she says, blinking at that completely unexpected question. She doesn't know quite how to interpret that reaction. "No...no, I'm saying that I've had casual sex with...a lot of men."

[theodorelasso]

"Right," Ted answers, nodding a little. She seems surprisingly nervous about this reveal, and he doesn't want to diminish that, but he also wants to reassure her that it's not really a big deal. He doesn't know what 'a lot' necessarily entails, but unless it makes a different in their current relationship, he's not sure it really matters.

"That's okay. That doesn't bother me," he answers, squeezing her hand a little and giving her a small reassuring smile. "I mean... Should it?"

[formersurgeon]

She's both relieved and a little confused. "Not necessarily. I'm glad it doesn't bother you. I thought it might because for you sex requires intimacy, and I was concerned you'd think differently of me if you knew I've engaged in non-intimate sex. A lot of non-intimate sex. I worried you'd wonder if what we have can really be that special to me. Or if I'm going to cheat on you."