For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[formersurgeon]

Him resting his head against hers is so sweet, and she sighs happily, closing her eyes.

"When this case is over," she says, "I want to spend the night with you."

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles against her hair, and squeezes her tighter for just a moment. "I'd like that, yeah," he agrees. At least the benefit of his job compared to hers is that his nights are usually free. Sometimes they have evening matches, but even then they're done by ten.

He straightens up a little and reaches out to feel the water, which is nice and comfortable now. He doesn't quite let go of her though, instead just gently tugging her along into the shower with a smile.

[formersurgeon]

His nights are usually free and he has some semblance of a schedule. Joan's job is unpredictable, and while she can choose to step away and take a break, letting Sherlock pick up the slack (as she does for him on the occasions when he needs the time) it's possible, even likely, that someday she and Ted will be together and Joan's phone will ring and she'll have to leave to go to a crime scene. It's not an easy life, either for her or for anyone with her. Many a cop has had their marriage fall apart for this very reason. She hopes it won't wear on what she and Ted have.

She follows him into the shower, under the spray of hot water, and sighs happily.

"That feels really nice."

[theodorelasso]

Well it can't be worse than trying to repair a marriage while on a different continent.

He hums in agreement, reaching for the body wash and offering it to her. "I don't know if you use any fancy products or anything like that, but at least we'll get clean." Ted's shower routine is pretty simple, but it's decent enough when it comes to guys, at least.

[formersurgeon]

"This will do," she says, accepting the body wash and pouring some into her hand before handing it back. "Sherlock is going to smell this the minute I walk through the door," she says with amusement as she begins to lather herself.

[theodorelasso]

"Hmm. Hard to have privacy when you live with a detective, huh?" he asks, starting to wash himself as well.

"Here, let me.." he adds, reaching around to lather her back for her. The benefit of being two people. Helping each other get clean like this is very soothing.

[formersurgeon]

"That's putting it lightly," she says, turning around so he can access her back more easily. "He's better than he used to be about boundaries, but it's not like he can turn off his sense of smell. Or his ability to put two and two together." She smiles over her shoulder. "Not that I necessarily mind him knowing."

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles at that. They aren't keeping it a secret anymore. And as long as Joan feels alright about it, Ted probably won't mind.

Well, he's pretty private about stuff like this. He doesn't like to kiss and tell, and wouldn't want someone to know the details of his sex life. But the fact that he has one is probably fine.

It does occur to him that he is also dating a detective, and there's probably plenty things she's deduced about him. But so far she's been incredibly respectful of his boundaries, so he doesn't think that's going to be a big problem. It does make him curious though.

"So what kind of things did you put two and two together about me before we got to know each other?" he asks with a smile.

[formersurgeon]

The question is completely reasonable, but Joan's expression is troubled when she turns around to face him.

"Are you sure you want to know?" she asks, searching his face. "Most people don't like being deduced."

She had learned her lesson on that even before she officially became a detective, when a potential boyfriend cut off all contact with her after she figured out he was in a temporary marriage of convenience.

[theodorelasso]

Ted pauses, actually considering that question. Now that she asks, it's actually a more complicated question than he initially figured. He doesn't really have any big secrets or anything like that, and there's not that many things he wants to keep private from Joan.

He wonders what she might have deduced about others before to make her worry about his reaction now though.

"I dunno," he answers honestly. "I guess... I think it'd bother me more if you made some connection about me, but then never asked me about it. You know? I'd like to have the chance to share stuff with you. Give my version of it and all that."

[formersurgeon]

She'd be happy to tell him if he asked, sharing her own story about something he's figured out. About the man who cut her off, even about the first time she met Sherlock and he hit her with a deduction about her deepest and most painful secret right off the bat. A secret Ted doesn't know yet.

"It's nothing like that," she says. "There's nothing I deduced about you at first that we haven't talked about. And to be honest, some of my first impressions turned out to be wrong."

[theodorelasso]

"Alright, that I am curious about," he says with a warm chuckle. He's plenty used to people making certain assumptions about him, and that doesn't actually bother him at all. That says more about them than about him.

[formersurgeon]

That's definitely the case in this instance.

"Okay. Well." She takes a breath. Here goes nothing. "My first impression was that your optimism and affection for your players would blind you to their faults. That the illegal activity was probably happening right under your nose and you couldn't or wouldn't see it. I was wrong. I think my assumption was that the only way you can be so positive is by ignoring reality. But you've taught me that isn't true at all."

She takes his hands.

"I'm actually really grateful to you for that."

[theodorelasso]

That's actually... really touching. And he was right, it does say more about her than it does about him, though not necessarily any surprises. Like that she's seen a lot of things that maybe have made it difficult to be an optimist. And that so easily seeing people's faults makes it hard to have faith in them.

"Well honestly, it's easy to be positive if everything's peachy, and it's easy to love someone when they're perfect," he answers. "I don't think you can truly care about someone until you've seen their faults too. You gotta accept the whole person, and you gotta be there for them even at their worst."

[formersurgeon]

He's right, and she agrees wholeheartedly, even if her acceptance of people comes with a lot more sorrow than optimism. She thinks about her biological father, abandoned to homelessness by her mother due to his schizophrenia, who Joan tried to see by volunteering at homeless shelters. Or Liam, who Joan tried to help get clean, her career as a sober companion being penance for her failure.

"I agree," she says softly, but her expression is clearly troubled. There's so much she wants to tell him.

[theodorelasso]

Ted frowns softly, and it's obvious there's something weighing on her mind. He doesn't know whether it's something she's experienced, or maybe even some flaw she has that she's worried about him now accepting. Whatever it is, he really wants to know, and to be able to be there for her.

He also knows that she doesn't really have time for it right now, it's probably not a great idea to start digging into potentially upsetting things, especially if she's going to go off to, you know, solve crime.

"Hey.." he says softly, giving her hands a comforting squeeze. "After you finish this case, you can come stay over, and we can talk for as long as we want."

[formersurgeon]

"I'd like that," she says, giving him a small smile and squeezing his hands back. She wants to tell him things. She also wants to know things, about him, about the rough things he's been through, about his faults. She wants to know, and to be known, and while the first is par for the course for a detective, the second is unusual for her, and testament to how much she trusts him, and how much she wants to be with him, in an equal and loving relationship, loving him in his entirety and being loved by him in her entirety.

She goes up on her toes to give him a brief kiss.

"Turn around, I'll get your back."

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles and does as she says. They manage to not get too distracted during the rest of the shower, and actually focus on getting clean. Even if Ted would rather stay there for much longer.

But, the sooner she leaves, the sooner she can solve the case, and the sooner she can come back, right?

[formersurgeon]

Right. Joan is definitely motivated to solve the case as expeditiously as possible so she can return to Ted as soon as possible.

Once she's out of the shower she dresses quickly, her stylish clothes also simple and practical.

"I'll text you," she says, zipping up her boots. "Keep you abreast of our progress."

[theodorelasso]

Ted meanwhile changes into his pyjamas, aka sweatpants and a Kansas City barbecue t-shirt.

"Alright," Ted agrees, nodding. "I mean, I probably don't need the details," he adds with a smile. Not that he thinks Joan is going to tell him too much about it all.

[formersurgeon]

"I'll spare you the gruesome stuff," she says with a smile, one that widens at seeing him in his pajamas. It's such an adorably cozy sight, and she's sad again that they can't spend the night together.

She stands up and goes to him, slides her arms around him and kisses him softly.

[theodorelasso]

Ted returns the favor, taking a moment to just enjoy having her in his arms, since it'll be the last time for a few days. He's glad he's got work to distract him in the meantime. And now he doesn't need to be secretive about dating Joan while at work either.

[formersurgeon]

She takes advantage of that moment too, enjoying the warmth and affection. She knows she's going to miss him terribly.

She finally, regretfully, pulls back.

"Please feel free to text me, too, if you want. I'd like to know what you're up to."

[theodorelasso]

"I will," Ted promises. He can imagine it's nice to have little reminders of normality and lightheartedness to keep you grounded. He's happy to provide that.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock will probably think it's a distraction, but it will actually help her concentrate, since she won't be constantly wondering what he's doing, constantly missing him terribly.

"I'll see you soon," she says...then ducks in to kiss him one last time before heading for the door.