For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[theodorelasso]

Ted wipes off his hand with some tissue paper, then crawls over to lie down next to her, gently putting his arm around her. He doesn't want to crowd her if she's still feeling exhausted, but she can snuggle up as close as she wants.

[formersurgeon]

She rolls over without opening her eyes and snuggles close to him, wanting to be in his arms, feeling his warmth and smelling his scent.

"Thank you," she murmurs. "That was incredible."

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles and kisses her shoulder, gently hugging her close. He loves seeing her happy and relaxed, and seeking closeness with him. It just fills his heart.

"I'm so glad," he answers quietly, reaching up to brush back her hair a little bit. He has no intention of getting up for a while. They can just stay here until they either need to eat or use the bathroom, whichever comes first. Nothing else seems important.

[formersurgeon]

It's a good thing that Ted doesn't intend to get up for a while, because after all of that Joan isn't sure she'd be able to get up. He has exhausted her pretty thoroughly, and she's warm and comfortable and safe in his arms. She's even starting to drift off a little.

[theodorelasso]

Ted also is feeling pretty comfortably sleepy. And now at last there's no reason why they can't just fall asleep together. He's missed the comfort and the privacy of the two of them dozing off, skin against skin.

It's amazing that such a day that contained such an emotionally draining task of dealing with funeral arrangements, can still be such a wonderful day because he started and ended it with her. Because the two of them are so determined to make each other happy and safe and content.

He kisses her hair and closes his eyes, dozing off soon after her.

It's only a few hours before an alarm on his phone wakes him though, reminding them that Joan needs to take her meds. He reaches over to turn it off, then checks to see if Joan is awake, and if not, to gently stir her awake.

[formersurgeon]

Even with everything they've been going through, Joan is so happy whenever they're together. She knows without a doubt that they belong together, just by how happy they make each other and how much strength they draw from each other. And things are getting better. Both of them are healing and getting stronger, and being able to fall asleep together like this without an audience and without worrying about Joan's safety is a wonderful return to a comfortable normal.

When the alarm goes off it takes a moment for her to wake, and she blinks her eyes open as he stirs her. She smiles, so happy just to see his face.

"Hey."

[theodorelasso]

"Hey," he answers softly, and the smile on her face fills him with such joy and comfort.

"You need to take your meds," he says, inclining his head towards the nightstand. He's very glad he had the forethought to make sure they had it as well as water ahead of time.

[formersurgeon]

"Mmm," she hums, yawning and stretching a little. "Right." She looks over at the nightstand, smiling to see her medicine there next to her water bottle. She pushes herself up to sitting and picks up the pill bottle. "Do you think Beard has gone home?" she asks as she carefully navigates the childproof cap.

[theodorelasso]

Ted remains lying down, looking up at her with a soft smile.

"Who knows, I wouldn't put it past them to be playing long into the night," he answers with a chuckle. He's glad they seemed to be getting along though. Even though their style of getting along is rather different than most.

[formersurgeon]

The cap comes off with not too terribly much effort, and Joan shakes the pill into her palm, still not quite trusting her fingers to hold onto something that small.

"Wouldn't put it past them at all," she says with a smile, setting the pills aside and taking up her water bottle. "I'm really glad they're hitting it off. I thought they would."

She opens the water bottle and gulps down her pill.

[theodorelasso]

"Well yeah, they're both great people who can communicate entirely through stares and obscure academic references," he answers, amused.

He reaches out to gently stroke her side with his knuckles, just wanting to be touching her. No matter that they've barely been doing anything else for the past few hours.

[formersurgeon]

She laughs softly at his assessment of Beard and Sherlock. "Pretty much," she agrees. She smiles at him as he strokes her side, her heart so warmed by his simple, gentle affection. She reaches over to gently brush his hair back from his forehead.

"I'm glad they get along," she says softly. "I know Sherlock could use some friends here."

Most of the people in London know the old, acerbic Sherlock, and it's been hard for him to have the same sort of friendships that were so hard-won in New York.

[theodorelasso]

"He's from here, right? Does he not have anyone here?" he asks curiously, and gently concerned. Sherlock can be a bit eccentric, and he's got some walls, but surely he's not that hard to get along with. But Ted's also aware he's been through some tough times, and has grown as a person in recent years.

[formersurgeon]

Joan's expression becomes a little sad. "Sherlock spent most of his life pushing people away," she says softly, still gently stroking his hair. "His father kicked his mother out of the house and sent Sherlock and Mycroft to a boarding school. You can imagine how a young, brilliant, eccentric kid like Sherlock was treated by the other boys. Then his mother died. I think for a long time he kept emotional distance from everyone to protect himself. Then he fell for 'Irene,' and it almost killed him."

[theodorelasso]

If Joan's expression became a little sad, Ted's expression becomes a lot sad. It really is heartbreaking, because Sherlock is a lovely man, but Ted can absolutely understand why he's pushed people away. It's a very human thing, to try to prevent pain, but unfortunately causing more in the process.

"Well, then I'm glad he has us," he says softly. And it does seem like Sherlock is a bit more open to making friends now. It's never too late to start opening up to people, after all.

[formersurgeon]

She sees that sadness and compassion in his face, and she doesn't think she could ever love anybody as much as she loves this man.

"I'm glad he has you," she replies, just as softly. She's so grateful to have Ted in her own life, and that's only compounded by the good he brings to the life of the other man she loves dearly.

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles softly, touched by that sentiment. They've really grown close in the past few weeks, and Ted treasures it. "And I'm glad we have him," he says. Because it definitely isn't a one-way thing.

He reaches out for her hand, running his thumb across her skin. "Although it is nice to have him not quite so close while trying to sleep," he adds playfully. He really appreciates getting some intimate time alone with her. And not just sexually.

[formersurgeon]

"Me too," she says with a smile. Things would have been very different in all sorts of ways had they not had Sherlock's help and care and company, from his invaluable investigative help when Ted was kidnapped to him carrying and guiding Joan as needed the past couple days, to his simple fellowship in dealing with the difficulties facing them.

She laughs a little at his point about Sherlock not having to watch over her anymore. "Yeah," she says, moving to lie down next to him again. "I love him, but it's nice to be naked with you again," she says playfully.

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah, I don't think he'd enjoy it if we were naked with him here," he jokes with a chuckle. He's pretty sure none of them would enjoy it. Ted might be fine being naked with Sherlock if they were like, in a locker room shower or something, but that's very different. And Joan definitely hasn't given the impression she'd be comfortable with it, the times she's had to change and such.

[formersurgeon]

"Nudity doesn't bother him," she says with a smile and shake of her head. "Or sex. It's the intimacy part that grates him. I, however, would definitely not want to be naked in front of Sherlock." Even sharing a home with the man, he has never seen her naked, and she'd like to keep it that way.

[theodorelasso]

To be fair, Ted can't imagine being naked with Joan without intimacy being involved. And sex, for him, is inherently a form of intimacy. So it's sort of the same thing.

He's never personally understood how you can enjoy having sex without having at least some of that intimacy and trust - if not romantic, then at very least on a platonic level. He didn't exactly know Sassy all that well, but they were still very much enjoying each other's company, and not just trying to satisfy their own needs. He respects that people might feel differently, but he can't identify with it.

"Does nudity bother you in general?" he asks curiously. He hadn't gotten the impression that she's particularly shy about nudity and sex, but she can imagine she just doesn't consider it any of his business.

[formersurgeon]

Joan, on the other hand, is quite familiar with sex without intimacy. Respect, yes. Mutual benefit, definitely. But she has had many "exercise partners" where that's where it stopped.

She hasn't told Ted about the exercise partners. They haven't really gone over sexual history, partly because talking about that sort of thing clearly makes him deeply uncomfortable, but also partly because she doesn't know how he'll react to learning how many men she's slept with, absolutely without ties and purely to scratch an itch. She doesn't know if it will change how he sees her.

"I used to be a doctor," she points out to answer his question. "Nudity in and of itself doesn't bother me. I just prefer to keep it situationally appropriate."

[theodorelasso]

"Makes sense, yeah," Ted agrees. "I mean, I think I'd have a hard time being right next to the locker room every day if all nudity bothered me," he says with a soft chuckle.

Though he's always been pretty intent on not looking, and compartmentalizing any sort of appreciation of players' appearance. He really doesn't want to be creepy about that sort of thing. And he himself hasn't been naked in the company of other men in many years, since as a coach he gets his own changing room.

"But yeah, as for myself, I'm pretty sure I can count on one hand the number of people in the past decade or so who've seen me naked," he adds.

[formersurgeon]

That sounds about right. Ted isn't exactly a prude, but he is fairly selective in his intimacy, which Joan can appreciate.

Joan decides not to respond to that information by sharing how many people have seen her naked in the past decade, because it's a lot.

"When we were first working together, Sherlock would say lots of things to try to shock me and drive me away, and a fair amount was sexual. Told me that with what I was getting paid I should be sleeping with him, that sort of thing. I think his experience with Irene made it particularly hard to open up to women, so he tried to relegate them to sex objects."

[theodorelasso]

Ted hums thoughtfully. It doesn't exactly surprise him, given some of Sherlock's comments towards Ted, but it does sadden him to think of him treating Joan like that. And for Sherlock to narrow his view that much.

"Well, I can definitely see why you wouldn't want to be naked in front of him then," he answers, even though he empathizes with what Sherlock was dealing with. It's understandable, but definitely not healthy, for neither him nor the people he interacted with.