For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

Comments

[theodorelasso]

Ted wouldn't mind being told it's nothing, since even if he might not believe it, he respects Joan's need for privacy, and trusts she'll tell him things eventually. (Although, judging by today's events, she might need a little bit more coaxing than he's been doing sometimes.) It's only if it's important that he minds. Especially if it's something he could help with.

"Well, I can handle a little," he answers reassuringly. He's not that squeamish. He just doesn't want to be completely submerged in it, like she has to be.

"You know, if you want to talk stuff over with me or anything like that, that's probably fine, and I can tell you if it's too much. But, you know, going to places where people have been murdered, I can already tell you that's probably not something I'd like to do."

[formersurgeon]

That's reassuring. "Going to crime scenes is definitely not something I would ask of you," she says. "And I appreciate you letting me know when things are too much."

She carefully snuggles against him again. "It's also nice to be with someone who makes me believe that people can be good, and kind, and sweet," she murmurs.

[theodorelasso]

Ted likes to make people happy, but he's not a people-pleaser in the compulsive fashion. He has his boundaries, and he's conscious of enforcing them. And also capable of bending them a little, without going too far.

He smiles at that, turning his head to kiss her temple. "Yeah..." he agrees. "If your work is all about the most cruel and selfish people, it's important to remember that most people aren't actually like that. To remember what you're doing it all for."

[formersurgeon]

He's definitely affected her view of humanity for the better. She suspects it's impossible to get to know Ted without gaining some newfound faith in human beings.

She's silent for a moment, just enjoying being in the arms of the man she loves.

Then her phone dings.

She slides it out of her pocket and finds a text from the airline. An electronic pre-boarding pass for her flight.

[theodorelasso]

Ted buries his face in Joan's hair, looking up a little when her phone dings. He doesn't lean over to read, though. In case it's Sherlock or something.

[formersurgeon]

Joan puts the phone back into her pocket, then moves so she can cup Ted's cheek and kiss him, a long, lingering kiss with just a trace of desperation.

When their lips part she presses her forehead to his, eyes closed.

"I need to go," she whispers.

[theodorelasso]

Ted can almost guess what it was just based on the way she kisses him. It makes his heart ache.

"Okay..." he whispers back, but honestly it's anything but okay. It he had any idea how long she would be gone, it might've been easier, but soon she'll be on the other side of the world, and he has no idea when he'll see her again.

[formersurgeon]

Joan knows that it's not okay at all. It hurts to be going away, not knowing when she'll be back. It's miles better than it would have been had she left without seeing him again and intending to never come back, but it's still so hard.

"I love you," she whispers, and kisses him again, that trace of desperation growing.

[theodorelasso]

"I love you too," he answers, giving her a tight squeeze. "Hey," he says, pulling back and putting a hand on her cheek to look her in the eyes. "We're gonna be okay. And once we can see each other again, it'll be even better, cause then we can be together and not have to worry."

He gives her a soft kiss, and then an encouraging smile. He has complete faith this is going to work out for the best, and then they can be together as much as they want.

[formersurgeon]

Leave it to Ted Lasso to see the bright side of everything. God she loves him.

She kisses him back, then answers the smile, actually feeling a little bit of that faith herself.

"We're going to be okay," she affirms.

One more soft kiss, and then Joan climbs out of bed and starts putting herself back together, pulling up her pants and straightening her shirt, then putting on her shoes.

[theodorelasso]

Ted sits up, doing the same, and taking off his shirt. It's only been two days since he got rescued, so the bruises are still very much there all over his sides, but at least now they show the early stages of fading. An indicator that he is in fact getting better.

"Hand me the bag?" he requests quietly, nodding at the bag with his changes of clothes.

[formersurgeon]

It was probably best to keep the bruises hidden while they were holding and pleasuring each other, but Joan is glad she can see them now. It's still ugly, but she can recognize that the colors have changed and the edges are fading, sure signs that he's healing. It makes her feel better, reinforcing the belief that everything will be okay.

She brings the bag over, setting it on the bed next to him.

[theodorelasso]

Ted hands her the used shirt with a smile - though the closer they get to her leaving, the more emotional his face is going to get. He pulls out a different shirt, pulling it on but leaving it open. Instead he reaches over and tugs at her shirt a bit, adjusting it, then reaching up to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. He just looks at her for a moment, smiling sadly and committing her face to memory.

[formersurgeon]

She looks into his eyes and sees the sadness there as well as in his smile, and her heart aches for him. She reaches out to run her fingers gently, lovingly, through his hair. Then she takes a slow step closer, her eyes on his, and leans forward to press her lips ever so gently to his. As she kisses him, sweet and slow, she buttons his shirt, button by button.

[theodorelasso]

Ted rests his hands on her waist as he kisses her back. These are actually the kind of moments that make him the happiest. When they're just gently existing together, being domestic, and comfortable and familiar enough with each other to help each other with stuff like their clothes. Or brushing their teeth together. Or doing the dishes.

Because more than anything else, it helps him imagine spending the rest of his life with this amazing woman. All the little moments that just happen, unremarkable but intimate, when you spend your life with someone.

[formersurgeon]

Joan loves these moments, too, this simple tenderness, being with him, sharing the most basic things, sharing life. The thought of spending the rest of her life with him has occurred to her, although shadowed by her uncertainty that that is even possible for her due to her occupation. She wants to, though. She shares so much of her life with Sherlock, but there's a large part of her, of her heart, that Sherlock can't share. She had resigned herself to the idea that sometimes people are just unfulfilled in some ways, and that's okay. But then she met Ted, and fell for him so fast, so hard. He has her heart. It had hurt so badly to think that she had to leave him to protect him. Now that they've decided to stay together, to face this together, being with him for the rest of her life seems a little more possible.

Once she's done buttoning his shirt she pulls back, taking his hands in hers.

"We're going to be okay," she says softly.

[theodorelasso]

Ted gives her hands a gentle squeeze, and nods with confidence. This isn't just his optimism - he knows that through sheer determination, they will find a way to be okay. And not just be okay, but to prosper.

"We're going to be great," he answers with a smile, also speaking softly, but with such conviction. Wanting to make sure he imparts as much faith as he can in here before she leaves.

[formersurgeon]

She believes.

"I love you, Ted," she says softly, one last time.

[theodorelasso]

"I love you, Joan," he answers, and he feels it. Not just returning the words, but really leaning into the feeling of how much he adores and treasures her.

[formersurgeon]

She feels it too, right down to her bones. In the face of so many unknowns, his love for her and her love for him is a certainty.

She squeezes his hands, then lets them go, and takes a steadying breath.

"Can you hand me the shirt?"

[theodorelasso]

This time when Joan lets his hands go, he doesn't pull her back for just one more kiss. He doesn't want to make it harder for her. He just picks up the shirt and hands it her. Steadying himself as well.

[formersurgeon]

Joan folds it carefully, neatly, making sure the stains aren't visible.

"When Beard gives you the phone," she says when she's done, "don't turn it on until you're home alone, okay?"

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods. "I'll find somewhere to hide it in the apartment," he answers. He pauses, considering. "Can we text on it, or just calls?" He guesses texts are easier to trace, and if they are both at home and able to use the phones, it would be nicer to just talk anyway.

[formersurgeon]

"We can text," she says. "Although we might want to limit it to letting each other know when the best time is to call."

She looks at him, her heart at once aching and so full of love. She wants to kiss him, one more time. She wants to say she loves him, one more time. But the truth of the matter is that there is no such thing as one more time. No kiss or declaration of love that is enough. That will ever be enough.

"I'll see you soon," she says instead, knowing that Ted knows how deeply she loves him.

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods, having much the same dilemma.

"Travel safe," he says softly. It feels like such a mundane thing to say in this situation, but in a way that's kind of nice. And it's just another way of telling someone you care about them - be safe and take care of yourself.