For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[formersurgeon]

"The two of you are very similar, you know," Sherlock says, with a hint of wryness that people not familiar with the detective would be unable to recognize as affection. "Both of you blame yourselves for things you have no control over."

It's a moment of the pot calling the kettles black, considering Sherlock does the exact same thing.

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles wryly and gives a hum, nodding a little. He does do that - probably more than he realizes - though he's not sure it applies today.

"I don't blame myself for not being here," he says softly. "But that won't stop me from wishing things were different."

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock nods, looking at Watson, then at Ted. "You're here now," he says softly.

Joan stirs again, this time waking up and opening her eyes. She blinks and looks up at Ted.

"Hey," she whispers.

[theodorelasso]

"Hey," Ted answers, smiling down at her and continuing to stroke her hair. At least this time she gets to wake up a little nicer. He doesn't ask her how she feels or offer her food, not yet; he wants to give her these few moments, before she remembers what's going on.

[formersurgeon]

Her mind is still a little clouded with sleep, and while her mother's death is in there, what comes to the forefront is her concern for Ted in the wake of (possibly in the midst of?) their conflict.

"Are you okay?" she asks softly.

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles, touched and so incredibly fond of her, that that's the first thing she thinks to ask.

"Yeah, I'm alright," he answers reassuringly, nodding. He leans down and presses a kiss to her forehead.

[formersurgeon]

"I'm glad," she says, closing her eyes as Ted kisses her forehead. She lays her head down on his chest again, quiet and worn, the deep pain earlier having subsided for the moment to a dull ache.

"I have to go back to New York," she murmurs.

[theodorelasso]

"I know," he answers, gently wrapping his arms around her. "I'm taking some time off work to come with you and Sherlock."

He hasn't told anyone at work this yet, but there's no way they're going to be able to stop him anyway.

[formersurgeon]

She nods a little. "Thank you," she murmurs, then sighs a little. "I need to call my dad. See when the funeral is."

"Would you like me to do that for you?" Sherlock asks.

Joan turns to see Sherlock sitting in the bed behind her. "Oh...hi. No, I should call."

[theodorelasso]

"Well, anything you need, we've got you, alright? Planning, packing... You need me to do your hair, just say the word," he says, giving her a squeeze and an encouraging, slightly playful smile. He just wants to remind her that it's still okay to smile, as well as that they're there for her.

[formersurgeon]

She gives him a small smile and a nod, but the smile wavers almost immediately. He's so wonderful and loving and kind, but he had been so angry with her, because she had hurt him so badly...

She buries her face in his chest. "I love you so much," she murmurs, the strain in her voice hinting at the tears she's trying to hide.

[theodorelasso]

"I love you too," he answers, stroking her hair and rubbing her back, letting her hide her face. "No matter what happens, the three of us are gonna figure it out," he reassures her. Even if they fight, even if they inadvertently hurt each other. They'll find a way to overcome it.

[formersurgeon]

Joan nods, still keeping her face hidden for the moment.

Sherlock, on the other hand, turns to look at Ted, his expression an odd mix of uncertainty and want and fondness and a hint of suspicion, displaying the mix of emotions he's feeling at Ted reassuring Watson with the ability of the three of them to overcome their adversities. It's not the first time, of course...Ted has embraced Sherlock into his life, into their lives, for quite some time. But what strikes him now is how they are on the very ragged edge, with Watson in crisis and their relationship fraught, and even now Ted makes him a part of it all, even when things are hard. They're a family, the three of them. And it moves him deeply.

[theodorelasso]

Even before Ted grew fond of Sherlock himself, Ted knew that the two of them are a package deal, and splitting them up would cause them both a great deal of pain. And he doesn't see why he would ever want to. Sherlock's become a close and trusted friend, as well as an ally when it comes to giving Joan all the love and protection and entertainment and anything else she deserves.

Ted just sits there, gently comforting her for as long as she needs. In a way it's comforting him too. Fighting with Joan had upset him - at some point not just because of what she did, but he'd become upset at the very fact they were fighting. Not at least he has a reason to put all that out of his mind, and just focus on the love and support.

[formersurgeon]

Fighting with Ted had upset Joan too. She loves him dearly and it hurts her to see him hurt. Thinking what she did was ultimately right only made it harder. If she thought she was wrong she could have apologized, and it would have been easier to patch things up and move on. Now...well. It's a silver lining in a freaking hurricane, but still a silver lining. Her heart might be broken for the loss of her mother, but at least the pain of fighting with Ted has been eased.

Sherlock lets them hold each other for a little while, until Watson's tears seem to have ebbed.

"We could call Mr. Watson together," he suggests. Joan tends to be a private person, but right now she needs them while also needing to find out when the funeral is so she can start making plans.

[theodorelasso]

"That's not a bad idea," Ted agrees. He does understand the need for privacy, and he definitely wouldn't insist. But he'd gladly at least sit with her while she does it.

[formersurgeon]

Joan nods and sits up, wiping tears from her cheeks.

"Yeah...that would work. Ummm...my phone..."

Sherlock reaches into his pocket and pulls out Watson's cell phone. He hands it to her.

"You left it in the living room."

Joan takes it. "Thanks." She holds it in both hands, staring down at it, frozen. What does she do? Call her dad? Call Oren? Throw the phone at the wall and break down again because talking to either one of them only makes this real and she doesn't want it to be real...

[theodorelasso]

Ted watches her, his heart aching for her as she stares at the phone.

"...You don't have to do it right now," he points out gently. "It's still pretty early over there. If you want to get something to eat, or take a shower, or take a walk, you might feel more up to it."

He thinks she might benefit from getting out of this dark room. And he has a suspicion that once she does call, and make it real, she'll get very focused on all the stuff that needs doing, and less on the self-care. She's gonna need all the strength she can get to face all of this.

[formersurgeon]

She looks up at Ted and gives a small nod. Her dad and Oren might not even be awake right now, having just had one of the worst nights of their lives. It might even be a good idea to give them a little space. A few hours.

"A shower would be nice." It might help her feel a little more human.

[theodorelasso]

"Do you want company?" he offers softly. He doesn't mind either way, whether she wants comfort or privacy. He's just here to dedicate himself to whatever she needs.

[formersurgeon]

"Please," she answers softly.

Showering alone will just give her mind an opportunity to ruminate. It can be wonderful when she's stuck on a case, but right now...right now she doesn't want to think any more than she has to about her mother.

[theodorelasso]

"Alright," he says, giving her back a final rub then getting out of bed. He offers her his hand, mostly so they can hold hands and she can lean on him - not physically maybe, but emotionally.

[formersurgeon]

Joan stands and slips her hand into his. She leads him into the bathroom and closes the door, then turns away and begins to slowly undress. Ted doubtless notices that she's wearing the same clothes as yesterday. She had been so tired and sad last night that by the time she got to bed she just crawled in with her clothes. Then this morning...

[theodorelasso]

It doesn't surprise him, if she got home at four. Though... she usually does undress before she gets into bed with him, so maybe the fact fact that he wasn't there...

He tries not to think about that. Instead he leans over to turn on the shower to make sure it's warm, then undresses as well, and occasionally helps her, setting their clothes aside.

[formersurgeon]

He helps her, and she lets him. Joan is familiar with the fact that the pain of grief can have very physical manifestations, but she's never felt it herself, not to this extent. Her whole body aches. Luckily the hot water should help with that. As will Ted's gentle touches.