For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[formersurgeon]

She nods sadly. He's right. If they do this right, then they can be together without fear. It's the right thing to do.

That doesn't make it any easier, though.

"I have plane tickets to New York," she says softly. "The plane leaves tonight. It might be easier to stay apart if there's an ocean between us."

Otherwise Joan might not be able to keep from going to him.

[theodorelasso]

Ted's eyebrows twitch together in a sad frown. Not just at the thought of her being so far away, while they probably can't even be open about their feelings over phones or online, if this woman is as powerful as Joan says.

But because he realizes she had planned to leave him to protect him. Possibly without telling him why. It makes his heart ache to think about, and if weren't so busy being upset about everything else, he would be upset she would do that.

He swallows hard and nods a bit. He's finding it hard to say anything.

[formersurgeon]

She nods as well. If she wasn't feeling terrible about everything else she would feel terrible about having planned to do that to him. It was to protect him, but she understands now that it wouldn't have been fair.

She looks at him, at the pain on his face, and her heart hurts so badly. She doesn't want to leave him but she has to leave him, even if just for a little while. And she knows it's going to hurt so much for both of them, and she wishes they didn't have to do this...

She surges forward, taking his face in her hands and kissing him with a small, desperate sound.

[theodorelasso]

Ted makes a sound of surprise, and a little bit of pain as she kisses his split lip, but he kisses her back anyway, holding her face, weaving his fingers into her hair.

He pulls back, just barely enough to look at her, still holding her face. "I love you," he whispers, making sure she knows that, because it's probably the only time he can tell her for a while.

[formersurgeon]

Joan looks at him, examining his face, imprinting every single detail in her memory, knowing she won't be seeing him for far too long.

"I love you," she whispers back.

She kisses him again, gently this time, before pulling back again, just enough to whisper.

"I think we can trust Beard," she whispers. "I can get him a burner phone that he can give to you with the number of a burner phone I'll have. If we're careful and don't use the phones in public, we can contact each other."

[theodorelasso]

His shoulders sag with relief at that thought. Being able to talk, and not be entirely cut off, will still be hard, but also let them remember why they're doing it. He nods in agreement.

"Pretty sure he'd be able to figure it out even if we didn't tell him," he points out with a small smile.

[formersurgeon]

She laughs softly at that. "Seems likely, yeah," she says with a smile. "We should bring him in and tell him everything."

She's sure that he's outside, watching over the door and making sure they aren't disturbed.

[theodorelasso]

He nods in agreement. His face is a little bit wet now too, but Beard won't mind.

And he is absolutely sitting guard outside.

[formersurgeon]

Joan wipes her own face as she goes to the door and looks outside. Beard is right where she expects him to be.

"We need to talk to you," she says.

[theodorelasso]

Beard is obviously a bit confused, but he follows on request anyway. He'd expected either her leaving in tears, or not leaving at all for a while. Not him being called inside.

He looks between them curiously, though Ted lets Joan take the lead on this one.

[formersurgeon]

When Joan gets back to the bed she immediately takes Ted's hand, threading their fingers together.

"The man who hurt Ted was put up to it by a third party," she begins. "There's a woman Sherlock and I have been investigating that often gets at people by sending others after their loved ones. For Ted's safety, we need to look like we've broken up while Sherlock and I investigate and hopefully bring this woman down."

It's a lot of information to dump on someone at once, but if there's anyone who can handle it, it's Beard.

[theodorelasso]

Beard takes this in with a slightly wild-eyed stare, absorbing the information, and gives a nod. "Okay.."

Ted gives a chuckle at the underwhelming reaction. Yup, seems right.

"Are you telling anyone else?" he asks. He's glad to be in the know, since it's a lot easier to help then, but he can imagine the less people know, the better.

[formersurgeon]

Joan can't help a small smile as well at Beard's perfect reaction. This is why she trusts him.

"Sherlock," she says. Which is probably obvious. "But that's it. Everyone else needs to believe that we've broken up." She squeezes Ted's hand. "I have a plane to New York tonight. I'd like you to come with me to get my bags at 221B. I'm going to give you a burner phone that you can inconspicuously pass on to Ted so we can communicate."

[theodorelasso]

Beard listens, then gives Ted a worried look. Ted doesn't exactly look happy about all this, but he gives an affirming nod, which is all Beard needs.

"Sure," Beard answers, glad the two can keep in touch a little. "So I take it the story is you broke up because you're worried something like this might happen again."

[formersurgeon]

Joan isn't happy about it either, but it's for the best, and hopefully for a short period of time. She fully intends to get on the first plane back to London the instant things have been resolved.

She gives a slight nod to Beard's take. "That's pretty much it."

She glances at Ted, and it strikes her that that's almost what actually happened. She gives him a small, sad smile, and leans her head against his shoulder.

[theodorelasso]

Ted is keenly aware of that too. He feels awful now, and he can't imagine what it would've been like if she'd just left without telling him. He kisses her forehead and squeezes her hands a bit.

Beard nods again. "...I'll wait outside until you're ready to leave," he answers, going to give them some privacy to say goodbye.

[formersurgeon]

She nods to him in thanks. Once the door closes, she turns to Ted, looking down at their hands, trying to steady herself, keep her tears at bay.

"I don't want to go," she whispers.

[theodorelasso]

"I don't want you to go," Ted answers with an emotional chuckle. "But I'm gonna be okay, alright? I've got lots of people taking care of me. I'm gonna miss you... But I'm gonna be okay."

He puts a hand on her cheek and looks at her with a sad but encouraging smile.

[formersurgeon]

She leans into that hand, putting her own over it, closing her eyes. "I'm glad," she answers.

She hopes she'll be okay. The thought of leaving was killing her before, when she was going to leave without seeing him again. Now she knows she'll be back, that this is temporary, but it still hurts, so much. Sherlock will be staying in London, so she'll be alone in the brownstone and unable to talk to anyone about what's going on.

[theodorelasso]

He gives her a soft kiss. "And you take care of yourself, alright?" he says, looking at her almost sternly. He knows it's gonna hurt, but it shouldn't hurt more than it has to.

[formersurgeon]

"I will," she says, because she doesn't want him to worry about her.

She squeezes his hand again, then gets up and steps away, letting their hands part. She wants to climb into bed with him and kiss him and hold him and just be together in each other's arms, just for a little while. But it's probably best just to shut it all down now.

[theodorelasso]

Ted almost lets her go. But no, before she can slip too far away from him to touch, he takes her hands and pulls her in again, giving her one final almost desperate kiss, and then a tight hug. He too wants her to just be with him for a little while, but the least he can do is give her a proper goodbye.

[formersurgeon]

Joan's instinct is to shut down, to go cold, to turn inward. And then Ted pulls her back in and kisses her like that and hugs her so tightly...and those walls she's busy putting up tumble right back down.

Fuck it.

She slips off her shoes and climbs into bed and winds her arms around him and sinks into a kiss. They're not going to see each other in god knows how long, she's going to make the most of the time they do have, dammit.

[theodorelasso]

Ted makes a noise of surprise when she climbs into the bed with, but returns the kiss happily.

"Mmm, ow ow ow," he says into the kiss, as the both of them maybe show a little bit disregard for how hurt he is, but even so he's laughing as he says it. He's so happy and so sad at the same time.

He shifts a bit, let them both rearrange their positions and arms, and then just gets right back to kissing her.

[formersurgeon]

"Sorry!" she says, laughing with him. How it is possible to find such joy when they're surrounded by sorrow Joan doesn't know, but with Ted these things just seem to happen. He makes her so happy, even now.

She carefully maneuvers her body and her limbs so that they don't put too much pressure on Ted's sore spots, then kisses him back, her body gently pressed against his. She touches his cheek tenderly, gently brushing her thumb over his cheekbone, careful not to press on the bruise.