For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[formersurgeon]

He blushed and smiles, and Joan sighs happily, so deeply in love with this man.

She puts the wipe aside and moves up the bed so she can cup his cheek and kiss him with a touch of desperation, pouring all her love and adoration into the kiss.

[theodorelasso]

Now finally Ted pulls his hands apart from the tie, so he can wrap his arms tightly around her, holding her like he never wants to let go.

He kisses her back, so exhausted but still kissing her back with just as much adoration.

She's so good to him. The fact she wanted to make him feel good is one thing, but what's truly overwhelming is the way she made him feel safe and loved and attractive and protected and cherished all at once.

He feels so completely lost in his love for this woman that he starts tearing up, and he sniffs a bit, the slew of emotions coming over him like a wave and finally getting the better of him.

[formersurgeon]

She hears that sniff, and she breaks the kiss to look at his face. She sees those tears in his eyes, and she caresses his cheek, her forehead creased with concern.

"What's wrong?" she murmurs. "Are you okay?"

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah," he answers quietly, voice thick with emotions, and he nods and smiles to reassure her, even as he sniffs again. "Sorry." He's kind of embarrassed that he's now softly crying, which puts another layer onto how much he's feeling overwhelmed with emotion right now.

He doesn't think he can explain it, and right now words feel pretty difficult, so he just leans forward, pulling her into a hug as he buries his face in her neck, holding onto her tightly.

[formersurgeon]

She wraps arms around him and holds him tightly, her heart aching for him. She knows he's struggling with so much right now, more than he's verbalized to her. She wishes she could make everything better, but she knows the best thing to do is to be here, holding him.

"It's okay," she murmurs, gently stroking his hair. "I've got you."

[theodorelasso]

It's not even necessarily a bad cry. Like when you cry at a wedding. He doesn't feel sad, not really. There's just so much swirling around inside him, both good and bad, though the good is at the forefront.

But even so, he deeply appreciates her holding him and comforting him. He really does feel so safe with her.

As he starts calming down a bit, he pulls back and gives her a smile, reaching up to wipe at his face. "Can we just cuddle for a while?" he asks quietly.

[formersurgeon]

"Of course," she answers, giving him a gentle smile in return, although there's still concern in her expression. "Do you want to get under the covers? We might be more comfortable that way."

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah," Ted agrees, nodding, and gets up so they can crawl under the covers. Once they lie down together, rather than cuddling up like the normally do, Ted lies down with his head resting on Joan's chest, wordlessly seeking comfort from her. She's done nothing but make him feel safe since they entered the room, so he feels comfortable enough doing so.

[formersurgeon]

Joan wraps.her arms around him, gently rubbing his shoulder to soothe him. She's concerned and wishes he'd tell her what he's feeling, but she knows he'll talk if and when he wants to. For the moment she'll be his rock, something steady he can cling to so the flood of emotions can't sweep him away.

[theodorelasso]

"That was amazing, by the way," he says quietly, smiling gently. "Thank you." He turns his head a little to press a kiss against her skin. He doesn't want her to think it was anything she did. Well, it kind of was, but in a good way. It's cathartic. For having just cried, he actually feels really good.

[formersurgeon]

She lifts her head to press a kiss into his hair. "You're welcome," she murmurs with a smile, petting his hair. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I love making you feel good."

[theodorelasso]

"No one's ever done something like that for me before," he admits quietly. (Or to him.) He means it in a broader sense too, not just making him feel that way sexually, but also emotionally. Which probably explains some of why he got so emotional.

[formersurgeon]

"I figured," she says with a quiet smile, referring to the sexual stuff. Joan's sexual experience is far more extensive and varied than Ted's. There's a part of her that wishes they could be exploring this sort of thing for the first time together. but she knows this is better. She knows what to do so he feels not only good but also safe and cared for.

[theodorelasso]

"I, uh.. wouldn't mind trying more stuff like that," he adds, which makes him blush a little bit again. He leaves the request vague, partly because he's not sure what he would even ask for, and partly to let Joan make her own suggestions. She's clearly a lot more comfortable and familiar with this sort of thing than he is, which makes it a lot less daunting. Not only will she not be embarrassed, but she'll also take the lead so he doesn't have to. That in itself is somewhat unfamiliar to him.

[formersurgeon]

Joan smiles and kisses his head again. "We can do that," she says. There are so many things they can explore, and she's glad Ted is open to experimentation, even if he blushes at the thought. "How did it feel to have the tie around your wrists?" she asks, curious since that was the part that she had been most concerned about.

[theodorelasso]

He's kind of glad he can't actually see her face right now, just feel her comforting touch. It makes talking about it a little easier.

"I, uh.. I liked it," he answers, a bit hesitantly. For a moment it might seem like he's maybe just saying that, or unsure, but no. "I mean, I... really liked it. It felt nice," he adds, smiling. He's just shy about how much he enjoyed that concept. He's not sure he can properly put words to why.

[formersurgeon]

She nods a little to herself at that, eyebrows raised. She hadn't expected him to like it that much, but she can totally work with that.

"How do you think you would feel if I knotted the tie? If you couldn't just pull your hands apart?"

She wants to tease this out a little, to figure out exactly what he likes and where the limits might be.

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah, um, I.. I think I'd like that," he says, smiling, and it's getting a little easier to talk about it, now the subject's been broached. He's still just generally a little resistant to ask for things when it comes to bedroom activities, but if she's asking him for his opinion on stuff, then yeah.

"Or, you know, to the bedposts or something." He says it like it's an off-hand suggestion, but it's also pretty clear that this is not the sort of subject where he would just make off-hand suggestions without having thought about it.

[formersurgeon]

Her smile widens. He's thought about this.

"We can do that too," she says, craning her neck a bit to look at the bedposts of the bed they're in. "Ties might not be long enough. We might want to consider rope."

She says that in part to off-handedly broach the subject of rope, since it strikes her as being a lot more intimidating than silk neckties.

[theodorelasso]

Ted gives a hum and nods in agreement.

Theoretically there shouldn't be a difference, but rope definitely implies a certain forethought and intention, whereas neckties is easier to mentally dismiss as some impulsive playfulness. It's a little intimidating, but not overwhelmingly so.

"I, uh," he starts, licking his lips. "I actually have done some of this before. With Michelle," he shares. "Not often, but.. a few times. Except then I was the one who was.. I dunno, in charge, I guess you'd say."

She'd asked, and of course he'd obliged. She hadn't offered to do it for him, and it hadn't really occurred to him to ask. Not from her.

[formersurgeon]

"I see," she says with a soft smile. It isn't a huge surprise. This sort of play is pretty common, after all. "Did you enjoy being the one in charge?" She could see Ted liking the role, since it would allow him to take care of his lover, much in the same way Joan took care of him.

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah, I guess," he answers, which isn't necessarily a ringing endorsement, thought he didn't mind it. "I don't know, I'm in charge all day at work, it's not like it's exactly novel."

He does very much like taking care of his lover, and he enjoys taking the lead to do so. But he doesn't feel like he needs rope or whatever to do that. He enjoyed it, but mainly because she enjoyed it. Which is enough, but it's not something he would pursue for himself.

Being freed from that responsibility might be what he enjoyed about being tied up in the first place. Especially now, when there's so much going on.

[formersurgeon]

"I'm in charge all the time, too," she points out with a smile, petting his hair. "I get it, though. It's nice to not be in charge sometimes. When you've had to make so many hard decisions, sometimes it's nice to have no decisions at all. To just let go and let someone else make all the decisions."

She's talking in general, but also in particular about the day he's had, and how she had intended to ease it, to give him a chance to rest and be taken care of.

[theodorelasso]

Hearing her describe it like that definitely solidifies why he feels that way. She obviously does get it. And it sounds like it was a pretty intentional decision for her to do this for him.

He sits up a little, propping himself up on an elbow, and looks down at her with a smile. "I love you so much," he says softly, adoringly, and leans down to kiss her.

Ted definitely wants to do something for her too, have a day where she can just relax. Though for right now at least, she might just be enjoying being able to do things for herself.

[formersurgeon]

She wouldn't object to some turnabout at some point, but for the moment her focus is still on Ted and making sure he's okay in the face of all he's had to do today.

She kisses him back, one hand resting in his hair as the other touches his cheek.

"I love you," she responds when their lips part, gazing up at him with equal adoration.