For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

Comments

[theodorelasso]

Ted looks over at Sherlock with raised eyebrows, a mix of being surprised and impressed. He smiles and shakes his head softly.

"I don't know..." he answers quietly. "I know there's nothing to worry about, I just..." He trails off, not sure what to say. He knows he shouldn't worry, he just does.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock nods, looking forward, tapping his right index finger against his thumb as he considers what to say.

"Regardless of how aware we may be, intellectually, of the reality of death, it is still difficult to be confronted with it."

[theodorelasso]

Ted hums and purses his lips, nodding. "I haven't really..." he starts, pausing. "I mean, I don't know if I've properly absorbed how close I came to.." The sentence finishes itself even as Ted trails off.

He's thought a lot about how close Joan came to dying. But for himself, he was pretty delirious as it was happening, and then afterwards, he.. Well, he slipped right into trying to protect and reassure others, as he does. That was a lot easier, and familiar. Even in recounting all of it, he was much more focused on his interactions with Turner than what the outcome would've been.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock listens, frowning faintly. He wishes Watson was here. She would be able to comfort Ted far better than him. He doesn't know what to say, or really what to do.

He lifts a hand, hesitates, then awkwardly places it on Ted's shoulder.

[theodorelasso]

Ted looks up, and smiles a bit at the gesture. He gives Sherlock a grateful nod of acknowledgement.

Sherlock may not know what to do or say, but his heart's in the right place, and it's obvious that he wants to help. That's more important than anything else.

"I just don't know if I should talk to Joan about it, since she's probably dealing with enough herself," he continues. Meaning it's actually intentional he's bringing it up with Sherlock, not Joan. He doesn't want her to put aside her own feelings in order to deal with his. She's already doing that enough.

[formersurgeon]

"You should absolutely talk to Watson about it," Sherlock says without any hesitation. "Caring for others is vital to her happiness. Something I suspect your are quite familiar with yourself. And while there are certainly times when each of you will neglect yourselves in the process, trying to protect her by denying her the chance to care for you at all is at best counterproductive."

He awkwardly pats Ted's shoulder.

"She loves you. And I know you love her as well. And what I've learned about love is how important it is not only to care for the other, but to allow yourself to be cared for in turn."

[theodorelasso]

See? He does know what to say. You just gotta get to the heart of the issue, or present something he can give actual guidance on. Plain comfort might not be his strong suit, but insightful advice definitely is. (The physical comfort means a lot to him too, no matter how awkward it is.)

Ted smiles and nods a bit - that smile where he's obviously just realized that Sherlock is absolutely right.

It might even be helpful for her as well, if she's feeling the same and also hasn't quite come to terms with what happened to her. And, while they might absolutely neglect themselves a bit, as long as they both look out for each other, hopefully it will balance out in the end.

"See, that's why I came to you," he says, quietly playful. "That big brain of yours is useful for a lot of things."

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock withdraws his hand to clasp it with his other, staring forward stiffly.

"Questions of emotion are certainly not my forte," he says. "However, I am happy to be of assistance whenever possible."

[theodorelasso]

"I appreciate it," he answers genuinely. He doesn't say more, knowing Sherlock can get uncomfortable if it gets a bit too soppy.

He draws a breath through his nose and sighs, then looks out the window to watch where they're going, content to sit in silence till they get to the morgue.

[formersurgeon]

When they reach the office of the coroner Sherlock pays the cabbie, then exits the cab, grabs Ted's crutches, and offers Ted his hand to help him out.

[theodorelasso]

"Thanks," Ted says, taking Sherlock's hand as he gets out, and accepting the crutches. He pauses for a second to look up at the brick building, just preparing himself.

"Alright, after you," he says, following after Sherlock. Well, up until they get to the door anyway, as Sherlock holding the door open for him is a lot more practical than him trying to do it himself.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock holds open the door with a nod, then follows Ted into the building. In the lobby they are approached by two people, a man in a white coat and a woman in a somber grey suit. Sherlock recognizes the man in the coat as one of the medical examiners.

"Sherlock," the man says, going to him and offering his hand, which Sherlock accepts.

"Gerald," Sherlock acknowledges, shaking his hand. He then gestures to Ted. "This is Ted Lasso. Ted, this is Dr. Gerald Boone. He is the medical examiner in charge of Mr. Chapman's case."

Dr. Boone offers his hand to Ted. "Mr. Lasso. Pleasure to meet you, despite the circumstances."

[theodorelasso]

Ted switches a crutch into his left hand to shake Gerald's hand. "Likewise, yeah," he answers with his usual polite friendliness. He smiles at the woman as well. He still feels a little anxious about all of this, but he's being introduced to people so he'd got his game face on now.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock can see the tension in Ted's body, and knows that he's pushing through some anxiety in order to be friendly. It's no surprise, of course, but it does make Sherlock think about how well Ted uses his friendliness like a shield.

Gerald steps back and gestures to the woman. "This is Susan Lamb, a funeral director with the Lamb Funeral Home in Richmond."

The woman nods to Sherlock, then gives a kind, gentle smile to Ted, offering her hand as well. "A pleasure to meet you," she says.

[theodorelasso]

Fake it till you make it, right? That's something Ted is very familiar with.

"You too," Ted answers, shaking her hand as well. She's got a smile that might not be insincere, but is definitely carefully practiced for situations like this. He's glad she's from Richmond though.

[formersurgeon]

She's certainly someone quite practiced at putting people at ease. The kindness is genuine, but is also part of the role she plays.

"If you could follow me," Gerald says with a gesture. He takes them to a conference room, where there's a neat stack of forms as well as a couple large binders. Susan sits by the binders and Gerald by the forms, and he gestures for Sherlock and Ted to sit as well. Sherlock sits with his characteristic stiffness.

[theodorelasso]

Ted follows too, taking a seat and resting his crutches against the table, and his arms on the arms of the chair.

He wants to fill the silence, chat about what a nice place they've got here, that sort of thing, but he remains quiet. Inside, a small part of his brain is definitely continously wondering if this is what it would've been like with his dad. He wonders how much has changed in 30 years, and what the difference is between US and UK morgues and funeral homes.

[formersurgeon]

Gerald gets down to business. "Mr. Lasso," he says, "as I am aware Mr. Holmes has informed you, the body of individual in question, Mr. Turner Chapman, is unclaimed. We were only able to locate one living relative, and they have waived all legal rights regarding the body. I understand that you wish to step in and make arrangements. Is this correct?"

[theodorelasso]

There is a certain spark of anger that flares up inside him at finding out Turner had family, but who wants nothing to do with it. Sherlock can probably sense it from the way Ted sits up straighter, his chest puffing a little.

Still, he has to remind himself that he doesn't know the situation, and this person might have had every reason to cut Turner out of his life, or simply isn't in a situation where they can handle something like this.

"That's right, yeah," Ted answers with a nod, focusing on the matter at hand.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock notes that fact as well, and he's almost certain he knows who that relative is. His investigations into Mr. Chapman had uncovered the fact that his mother left Turner and his father when Turner was very young. Sherlock hadn't looked into her because there was really no need to, since past a certain point Mr. Chapman was merely part of a bigger picture with bigger fish to fry. Now, however...

He sees Ted's anger, and resolves to talk with the man about it when they've got a moment alone.

"It's very kind of you," Gerald says with clear admiration. "Particularly considering your history with Mr. Chapman." He picks up one of the forms and slides it toward Ted. "This says you take responsibility for making arrangements for the disposition of Mr. Chapman's remains." He passes him a pen. "Please sign on page two."

[theodorelasso]

Ted just nods, picking up the paper but not the pen, skimming quickly through it. He's not sure he's in the right mindset to even fully absorb that kind of legal speak right now, so after a moment he wordlessly hands the paper to Sherlock.

In the meantime, he turns to the woman. "And I'm guessing you can help me with organising those arrangements?"

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock takes the paper and scans it. It looks fairly standard, insofar as anything like this can be standard. He sets the paper down where Ted can reach it when he's ready.

The woman nods. "Once the paperwork has been signed we can take possession of the body and prepare for the funeral and burial." She puts a hand on one of the binders. "We have some options here for funeral and memorial products."

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods thoughtfully, looking at the binder. That's a lot of decisions he doesn't necessarily want to make, but that he still wants to make sure is made well.

He draws a steadying breath and picks up the pen with his left hand, signing it, then pushing it back across the table with another nod. There's a very strange feeling inside him at being now responsible for a man who tried to kill him.

[formersurgeon]

Once again Sherlock wishes Joan were here. She would be much better at helping Ted through this emotionally. He keeps an eye on Ted, aware of how difficult this must be and ready to speak up if necessary.

Gerald takes the paper and the pen and stands. "Thank you. If you will excuse me, I'll make sure we're ready to make the transfer. Mr. Lasso," he says with a nod, then another nod to Sherlock before he leaves the room.

Susan pulls one of the binders over. "Do you have any thoughts on coffins and caskets?" she asks in a gentle, soothing tone.

[theodorelasso]

Ted appreciates Sherlock's quiet support though. Ted knows he's got his back. It's like with Beard. Maybe they can't talk him through it, but they're there for him, and that still means the world. If he falters, there's someone to look after him.

"Something simple, you know?" Ted asks. He's tried to think of some of this beforehand, at least. "But respectable, doesn't have to be cheap. Just no pointless frills." No one's going to see it anyway - he tries to stop that thought in its tracks. But Turner was a simple working man, it wouldn't feel right to give him something fancy anyway.