For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

Comments

[formersurgeon]

Joan is glad Ted mentioned it. She knows it can be helpful to have people who know about your struggles with addiction who you can turn to. It's one of the reasons 12 step programs can be so helpful. She hopes Beard knows that if he ever has any problems in that arena, he can turn to Joan as well as Ted.

"The two of you work so well together. It's really impressive."

[theodorelasso]

Beard definitely knows that. Of course, he still does drugs. Just not meth, and only occasionally. And he has the job as a tether, which makes it a lot easier to see whether or not something is affecting him. And others can see it too.

"A few people were confused why I would choose to follow him halfway around the world for this job, especially in the beginning," he shares. "But I owe him, and most importantly, I know that what he does actually works. He helps people. I have the easy job, I just need to know the game."

[formersurgeon]

"I think you do more than just know the game," Joan says with a smile. "You're helping people too, even if it's in a different way. And you're helping Ted. You keep him grounded. It's a role I have some personal experience with." It isn't a one-to-one comparison, but in a very real way Joan plays a similar role with Sherlock.

[theodorelasso]

Beard shrugs and nods, conceding the point. "Does Sherlock also need someone to tell him to get his head out of his ass sometimes?" he asks curiously, sipping the coffee. It's not often, but sometimes Ted can get a bit wrapped up in his own mindset. Keeping him grounded is one way to put it.

[formersurgeon]

She laughs softly. "Oh yeah," she says, taking a sip of her own coffee as well. It's probably a bigger part of her role than in Beard's, although she can see Ted's optimism needing to be brought to earth at times.

[theodorelasso]

"Yeah, Ted has a danger of being a bit of a people-pleaser sometimes, which is not always what's best for everyone," he observes. Particularly in an authority position where you have a responsibility to everyone.

[formersurgeon]

"Mmm," Joan says, lowering her coffee. "With Sherlock it's pretty much the exact opposite. He can get so wrapped up in a case that he forgets that there are human beings involved. He's better about it now than he used to be, but he can still be offensive. Usually unintentionally, although not always."

[theodorelasso]

"Has Ted ever seen Sherlock on a case?" Beard asks. Because that doesn't seem like the Sherlock that Ted describes. But then Ted has his own way of viewing things, of course.

[formersurgeon]

"Not really, no. Most of the interactions Ted's had with Sherlock have been mediated by Sherlock wanting to treat him well because he's important to me." She tilts her head. "Why, what has Ted said about him?"

[theodorelasso]

"Mostly just that he was nervous about meeting him, but then he turned out to be much nicer than expected," Beard answers with a shrug. He doesn't expect that to be a surprise to Joan.

[formersurgeon]

"Ah," she says with a nod. That makes sense. "Yeah. Honestly, I think Sherlock was taken aback by Ted's friendliness. People don't usually get along with Sherlock right off the bat. I certainly didn't, although again, that was a while ago."

[theodorelasso]

"Most people get taken aback by Ted's friendliness. Didn't you?" he asks curiously. Not everyone of course, but a definite majority. Or, not necessarily the friendliness itself, as the discovery that it's actually genuine.

[formersurgeon]

She smiles. He has a point.

"Yes. I didn't know what to make of it at first. Just from an investigative standpoint, usually people that effusively friendly either have something to hide or are unable to see the flaws of those around them. When I found out that was wrong, that Ted is absolutely genuine in his friendliness and optimism while also being fully aware of the difficult realities of his players...well. That's when I knew I wanted to get to know him."

[theodorelasso]

Beard smiles, grabbing a cookie (or biscuit). "Well. He does have things to hide. They're just not things he's done wrong," Beard points out. Not things that Joan would be hired to investigate or anything like that. But sometimes that effusiveness is definitely covering how he's hurting. He's still genuinely friendly and optimistic, he's just not necessarily vulnerable while being so.

[formersurgeon]

"That's true," she concedes. "Although I didn't really fully realize that until recently. How much he's protecting himself with that friendliness. Maybe a better way to put it is that he doesn't have an ulterior motive. He wasn't being intentionally friendly in order to pull the wool over my eyes or manipulate me somehow. The extent to which he does that to protect himself is unintentional. I think it's a reflex at this point."

[theodorelasso]

Beard nods in agreement. "There are worse coping mechanisms for protecting yourself," he comments. He certainly exhibits a few. Not that he's going to discuss them.

[formersurgeon]

"There are," she agrees, her voice soft and a little sad. Joan has been known to have her own maladaptive behaviors to protect herself. One of which being to shut down and distance herself, which Beard has seen in all it's heartbreaking glory. One might think she's punishing herself, not protecting herself, but isn't that a twisted sort of protection? Punishing herself so that others won't punish her? Or...worse...forgive her?

"Sherlock usually pushes people away. Ted just refused to be pushed."

[theodorelasso]

Beard huffs a small laugh. Sounds about right. "I think the worst you could say about Ted is he's got some boundary issues sometimes. Though not intentionally."

In some cases it's a matter of people not making their boundaries clear, for whatever reason. In others, he blankly ignores boundaries, reading them to be unhealthy protective barriers - and most of the time, he's correct, and it's for the best. But he's hardly infallible. But because his intentions aren't malicious, it usually ends up alright.

[formersurgeon]

She hums, considering that. "Usually when I think of boundary issues, I think of people who are either oblivious to boundaries or just think they don't apply to them. That's definitely not Ted. That is, however, frequently Sherlock."

[theodorelasso]

"Weell.." Beard answers. "Crossing boundaries because you think it's for the best? I'd say that counts. It just tends to work out for the best because he's got good insight on why those boundaries are there in the first place. Like Rebecca."

[formersurgeon]

"But then he's thinking about Rebecca, not himself," she counters. "He's pushing the boundary with a purpose, instead of just disregarding it because he thinks he's too cool for school."

[theodorelasso]

"Doesn't mean it can't accidentally hurt people," he answers. But then is pretty conscious about boundaries, his own and others. Privacy especially. "And he's always been a little bit too cool for school," he adds with a small smile.

[formersurgeon]

Joan laughs a little at that. "Fair enough," she says with a smile. "He cares whether he hurts people, though," she points out. "Not everyone does."

[theodorelasso]

"Everyone worth spending time on does," he points out. They might still hurt people because of their own neuroses, but if they don't care, then why care about them?

[formersurgeon]

"Do you think Ted would agree with that?" she asks, out of curiosity instead of reproach. She's pretty sure he wouldn't.