For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

Comments

[theodorelasso]

"Weell.." Beard answers. "Crossing boundaries because you think it's for the best? I'd say that counts. It just tends to work out for the best because he's got good insight on why those boundaries are there in the first place. Like Rebecca."

[formersurgeon]

"But then he's thinking about Rebecca, not himself," she counters. "He's pushing the boundary with a purpose, instead of just disregarding it because he thinks he's too cool for school."

[theodorelasso]

"Doesn't mean it can't accidentally hurt people," he answers. But then is pretty conscious about boundaries, his own and others. Privacy especially. "And he's always been a little bit too cool for school," he adds with a small smile.

[formersurgeon]

Joan laughs a little at that. "Fair enough," she says with a smile. "He cares whether he hurts people, though," she points out. "Not everyone does."

[theodorelasso]

"Everyone worth spending time on does," he points out. They might still hurt people because of their own neuroses, but if they don't care, then why care about them?

[formersurgeon]

"Do you think Ted would agree with that?" she asks, out of curiosity instead of reproach. She's pretty sure he wouldn't.

[theodorelasso]

"Definitely not. But he's not always right," Beard points out with a smile.

[formersurgeon]

"I mean, nobody's always right," Joan says with a smile. "But I imagine there are a lot of people who others look down on and disregard that Ted still treats as worthy of time and respect. He even changes their lives."

Her tone is gentle.

[theodorelasso]

"That he does," Beard agrees with a soft smile. He has personal experience with that.

[formersurgeon]

Joan smiles back. She's very grateful that Ted gives time to people others think are not worth it. If he didn't...well, things would be very different.

***

By the time Ted makes it out of 221A, Sherlock has flagged a cab and is waiting with the door opened, ready to take the crutches and help Ted into the back seat.

[theodorelasso]

Thankfully Ted doesn't require too much help, though the holding of crutches is helpful, and he appreciates it, thanking Sherlock as he gets into the car.

He feels a certain... dread about going where they're going. He knows it's not necessarily rational, that everything will most likely be fine, if maybe a little uncomfortable. Yet still the worry creeps in.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock gets in beside Ted, tells the driver their destination, then leans back as the cab takes off. He looks over at Ted and can see the worry in his face and in the tension of his body. He tries to think of how Watson would handle this.

"Would you like to talk about it?" he asks, the words still feeling a bit unnatural in his mouth. He is trying.

[theodorelasso]

Ted looks over at Sherlock with raised eyebrows, a mix of being surprised and impressed. He smiles and shakes his head softly.

"I don't know..." he answers quietly. "I know there's nothing to worry about, I just..." He trails off, not sure what to say. He knows he shouldn't worry, he just does.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock nods, looking forward, tapping his right index finger against his thumb as he considers what to say.

"Regardless of how aware we may be, intellectually, of the reality of death, it is still difficult to be confronted with it."

[theodorelasso]

Ted hums and purses his lips, nodding. "I haven't really..." he starts, pausing. "I mean, I don't know if I've properly absorbed how close I came to.." The sentence finishes itself even as Ted trails off.

He's thought a lot about how close Joan came to dying. But for himself, he was pretty delirious as it was happening, and then afterwards, he.. Well, he slipped right into trying to protect and reassure others, as he does. That was a lot easier, and familiar. Even in recounting all of it, he was much more focused on his interactions with Turner than what the outcome would've been.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock listens, frowning faintly. He wishes Watson was here. She would be able to comfort Ted far better than him. He doesn't know what to say, or really what to do.

He lifts a hand, hesitates, then awkwardly places it on Ted's shoulder.

[theodorelasso]

Ted looks up, and smiles a bit at the gesture. He gives Sherlock a grateful nod of acknowledgement.

Sherlock may not know what to do or say, but his heart's in the right place, and it's obvious that he wants to help. That's more important than anything else.

"I just don't know if I should talk to Joan about it, since she's probably dealing with enough herself," he continues. Meaning it's actually intentional he's bringing it up with Sherlock, not Joan. He doesn't want her to put aside her own feelings in order to deal with his. She's already doing that enough.

[formersurgeon]

"You should absolutely talk to Watson about it," Sherlock says without any hesitation. "Caring for others is vital to her happiness. Something I suspect your are quite familiar with yourself. And while there are certainly times when each of you will neglect yourselves in the process, trying to protect her by denying her the chance to care for you at all is at best counterproductive."

He awkwardly pats Ted's shoulder.

"She loves you. And I know you love her as well. And what I've learned about love is how important it is not only to care for the other, but to allow yourself to be cared for in turn."

[theodorelasso]

See? He does know what to say. You just gotta get to the heart of the issue, or present something he can give actual guidance on. Plain comfort might not be his strong suit, but insightful advice definitely is. (The physical comfort means a lot to him too, no matter how awkward it is.)

Ted smiles and nods a bit - that smile where he's obviously just realized that Sherlock is absolutely right.

It might even be helpful for her as well, if she's feeling the same and also hasn't quite come to terms with what happened to her. And, while they might absolutely neglect themselves a bit, as long as they both look out for each other, hopefully it will balance out in the end.

"See, that's why I came to you," he says, quietly playful. "That big brain of yours is useful for a lot of things."

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock withdraws his hand to clasp it with his other, staring forward stiffly.

"Questions of emotion are certainly not my forte," he says. "However, I am happy to be of assistance whenever possible."

[theodorelasso]

"I appreciate it," he answers genuinely. He doesn't say more, knowing Sherlock can get uncomfortable if it gets a bit too soppy.

He draws a breath through his nose and sighs, then looks out the window to watch where they're going, content to sit in silence till they get to the morgue.

[formersurgeon]

When they reach the office of the coroner Sherlock pays the cabbie, then exits the cab, grabs Ted's crutches, and offers Ted his hand to help him out.

[theodorelasso]

"Thanks," Ted says, taking Sherlock's hand as he gets out, and accepting the crutches. He pauses for a second to look up at the brick building, just preparing himself.

"Alright, after you," he says, following after Sherlock. Well, up until they get to the door anyway, as Sherlock holding the door open for him is a lot more practical than him trying to do it himself.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock holds open the door with a nod, then follows Ted into the building. In the lobby they are approached by two people, a man in a white coat and a woman in a somber grey suit. Sherlock recognizes the man in the coat as one of the medical examiners.

"Sherlock," the man says, going to him and offering his hand, which Sherlock accepts.

"Gerald," Sherlock acknowledges, shaking his hand. He then gestures to Ted. "This is Ted Lasso. Ted, this is Dr. Gerald Boone. He is the medical examiner in charge of Mr. Chapman's case."

Dr. Boone offers his hand to Ted. "Mr. Lasso. Pleasure to meet you, despite the circumstances."

[theodorelasso]

Ted switches a crutch into his left hand to shake Gerald's hand. "Likewise, yeah," he answers with his usual polite friendliness. He smiles at the woman as well. He still feels a little anxious about all of this, but he's being introduced to people so he'd got his game face on now.