trashchildren | For Joan

"Yeah..." Ted agrees quietly. "It was, uh.. A therapist Michelle had been seeing for a while. So I just felt like I came in there to be attacked, to hear all the things I'd been doing wrong.." he admits softly, frowning to himself as he rinses out Joan's hair.

He's already told her he spent a while thinking that he was the one making all the mistakes, that Michelle was right for him, but he was wrong for her. That therapist certainly didn't help with that.

"It's likely Michelle was having a hard time telling you the difficult things," Joan offers softly. "And her therapist was helping to create a space where she felt able to express herself. It probably wasn't intended to be an attack, but it's completely understandable why it would feel that way."

She reaches up to find and take his hand, knowing that it's probably difficult for him to hear this.

"It isn't your fault," Joan says softly. "Like you said, you weren't right for each other. But I know it must have been painful to hear that was the case. I know you love her."

She uses the present tense because she's aware Ted still loves Michelle, and she's okay with that.

Ted wants to argue that it takes two people to have a relationship, that it was supposed to be couples therapy, and yet he never felt like he was being listened to at all. That whatever the intention was, it didn't seem to help anything. It still kind of feels like all it did was tear down what they had, rather than find solutions.

But she's so sweet and supportive and understanding, and she's not trying to brush anything he feels aside. So he just draws a breath and sighs deeply, and tries to let all the bad mojo wash off him and down the drain.

He squeezes her hand, and then bends down to wrap his arms around her and give her a hug. He's so grateful for her.

Joan suspects that the situation was already unsalvageable, that there was little a therapist could have done to fix things, that what Ted thought they had was already gone. He's absolutely right that the therapist should have created a space where he could be heard too...the therapist was pretty obviously already on Michelle's "side" as it were, and she probably shouldn't have been their couple's therapist for that reason. But Joan suspects a different therapist wouldn't have made much of a difference in the outcome.

Joan puts her hands on his arms and leans back into the embrace, closing her eyes. She loves him so much, and his pain makes her heart ache.

He just hugs her for a moment, the way her heart aches for him feeling like it's taking some of his own pain away. He turns his head and plants a firm kiss on her cheekbone with a 'mwah'.

Then he sighs and straightens up, and goes to quickly shampoo his own hair.

Joan reaches for the soap and starts to soap herself up, enjoying the feeling of massaging her body as she lathers her skin. It's the first time she's done this on her own since the incident, and it's really nice that her ability to do such a simple thing is coming back.

After Ted washes his hair - which takes much less time than washing Joan's - he grabs some soap as well, gently massaging it across her back. He likes touching her like this. It has a purpose in getting them clean, but that doesn't mean he can't spend some extra time and care just to make sure it feels nice.

She likes when he touches her like this. It feels good on a purely physical level, and wonderful on an emotional level as well, showing her how much he loves her by caring for her. She leans forward a little to make it easier for him to wash her back, and reaches back to brush her fingertips along his leg to give him a little bit of affectionate touch in return.

He smiles at the touch, and continues to gently wash her. Even as she's definitely clean he continues just gently massaging her back, before he leans forward to plant a kiss between her shoulder blades.

...If his plan was to not get distracted, he's maybe doing a bad job of it now. He just wants to make her feel good.

It feels wonderful. As he presses his lips between her shoulder blades she draws a slow breath and sighs it out. She carefully sits up, turns her head, reaches back to curl a hand around the back of his neck, and guides his head down so she can give him a full, lingering kiss.

Ted smiles, returning the kiss happily. Well, at least he's not the only one getting distracted. The angle is not ideal for making out, but it doesn't matter. Both the intent and the feeling is there, and it definitely makes him feel some things.

He rests his hand on her sides, then slides them forward to her stomach, embracing her but in a way that is definitely pretty suggestive.

She moans softly into his mouth as his hands slide onto her stomach. Their positions are extremely awkward here, but she's feeling some things and knows he is too, and she's willing to make it work somehow.

"Help me turn around," she murmurs against his lips. "I want to face you."

Probably would've been easier to do this while they were both capable of standing upright easily, sure, but here they are. They could just dry off and move to the bedroom, but right now they're probably not very clear-headed or patient.

"Alright," he answers softly, smiling. He helps her move and adjust the chair, so there's room for her being in front of him.

The idea of drying off and moving to the bedroom is almost academic at this point. It's possible, sure, but it's also not something Joan is even thinking of at this moment.

Once she's settled, she reaches out to put her hands on his hips and gently pulls him toward her, pressing her lips to his belly.

Ted lets himself be pulled closer, his mouth falling slightly open as she presses his lips against his skin. This specifically hadn't actually crossed his mind, so now he's suddenly not sure what to do. He strokes her hair almost entirely by instinct, just wanting to touch her.

Joan pulls back a little, taking stock of their relative positioning. This might be a little awkward, but she thinks she can manage.

She maneuvers him by his hips, back a little and slightly to the side. Then, looking up at him, she slides a hand to trail over to his groin to lightly brush her fingertips over his cock, watching for his reaction, both to the touch and to what she's about to do.

Ted enjoys the way she's maneuvering him, just guiding him through touch, and he is more than willing to follow her wordless directions.

He gasps softly at her fingertips, then lets out a shaky breath, his eyes locked with hers.

They haven't actually done this before, and while it wasn't necessarily something he felt was lacking, now that it's happening he feels an almost intoxicating amount of anticipation. The arousal is obvious both in his face and under her fingertips.

He wants to ask her if she's sure, if she's up for it, but she certainly looks sure, so he's not going to argue.

She's very sure. Right now she wants to make him feel good, to see his face and hear his voice and feel his body as she pleasures him like this.

Her eyes still locked on his, she gives him a small, slightly mischievous smile, and then leans down and gives the head of his cock a tiny, teasing little cat lick.

"Oh boy.." he breathes, both her look and the sensation going straight to his spine, but so brief and leaving him yearning for more. He lets out a soft laugh. He feels a little lost, both for words and for what to do, but he doesn't terribly mind.

He puts a hand on her cheek, stroking it with her thumb, and looking down at her with equal parts adoration and arousal.

She loves the sound of his voice, those two words so perfectly him, and she's glad he's clearly eager and aroused. The hand on her cheek and that look of adoration makes her heart swell. She leans into the touch, just for a moment, her eyes still on his.

Then she leans forward and takes him into her mouth, closing her lips on him and slowly pulling back, lips and tongue caressing his shaft, until she comes to the head, which she sucks on gently before letting it pull from her mouth with a soft pop.

Ted lets out a moan from deep in his chest, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment, before he opens them again so he can look at her doing that. It feels amazingly good, like he'd forgotten how nice that feels.

He bites his lip as she gently sucks, holding his breath for a moment, then letting out shaky sigh as she pulls back.

"Holy smokes, you are amazing, you know that?" he says, voice deep and rumbly with lust.

"I'm glad you like it," she says with a smile, her own cheeks softly flushed with arousal. Her smile warms. "I love you so much," she murmurs.

Then she leans forward again, taking him into her mouth again, a little deeper this time, the head of his cock bumping gently against her soft palate. Again she slowly draws back, except this time when she reaches the head she teases it with a swirl of her tongue, then moves in again, taking him deep.

"You t--" he starts, but breaks off with a gasp.

Oh goodness, she's really good at that. He's suddenly glad the shower is muffling the sound, because he can't physically stop himself from moaning as her mouth moves around him.

As she takes him deep, his hand (which has slid to the back of her head) tightens in her hair, before he quickly lets go to avoid tugging at her hair.

The shower is definitely producing a fair amount of white noise to mask his moans. Sherlock's senses being particularly sharp, he can probably still make out that there's some degree of sex going on in the shower. He's not going to say anything about it, though, and will move to another part of the apartment to not listen.

Joan isn't thinking about that, though. His moans are amazing, as is the hand in her hair. When he lets go of her hair she reaches up to put her hand over his, holding it to her head as she continues to slowly move her mouth along his cock. He can tug at her hair. It's okay. She likes it.

Sherlock can probably tell just from the sound of the way the water is hitting them. Ted tries not to worry about that too much, because it's a lost cause, and it doesn't seem to bother Sherlock, nor Joan.

Ted weaves his fingers into her hair, a little uncertainly at first, but reassured by her hand on his. He knows she doesn't mind mild pain, that she even likes it in some circumstances. And he trusts that she'll let him know if he's doing something she doesn't like, because she knows he would never want to do anything bad to her, even if all she does is just offers some gentle redirection.

This is gentle encouragement though, so he lets his hands tighten a little bit in her hair. It's more of an involuntary reaction to the sensations, than something he intentionally does, but if she likes it, then he's fine with that.

The pleasure is building inside him, and he reaches his other hand out to steady himself against the wall, biting his lip.

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