For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

Comments

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock nods, agreeing to help Watson get to the kitchen, then again in recognition of the compliment. "Would you like to see it up close?" he asks. He knows the offer will likely be declined, but he wants Ted to know that his gaze doesn't bother Sherlock in the slightest.

[theodorelasso]

"Maybe later," Ted answers with a smile. He doesn't want to leave Joan waiting, and Sherlock's already put his shirt on - but he does appreciate him not making a big deal about it.

Ted's honestly not used to men knowing about his sexuality. There is a part of his brain that catastrophizes the consequences. So the fact that Sherlock intentionally tries to reassure him is comforting.

He nods towards the bedroom and leads the way there.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock is well aware of the potential dangers to Ted of making his sexuality known, from professional setbacks to violence. He would not downplay said dangers. But here, in this household and with Sherlock, he is safe to be himself.

Sherlock follows Ted into the bedroom and sees Watson sitting in the chair, which is not where he left her. Apparently she took it upon herself to get out of bed. Sherlock is both pleased that Watson is feeling better and concerned that she might be pushing herself too far.

"Need a hand, Watson?" he asks.

[theodorelasso]

Ted may come across as very open, but he's a private man in many ways. He's extremely friendly and loves sharing anecdotes, but when it comes to anything difficult, he guards himself much more carefully. There are few who actually get to see him vulnerable. But he feels a lot safer with Joan and Sherlock, and he can tell that the two of them make an effort to make him feel that way.

Ted feels much the same as Sherlock - pleased and concerned. Which is exactly why he came to find Sherlock. If she does push herself, he wants to make sure they have a safety net for her.

[formersurgeon]

Joan is starting to understand how guarded Ted actually is. The sexual preference is one thing, but the loss of his father by suicide is something that must have fundamentally shaped him...his personality, his relationships with others, how he sees the world. And Joan didn't know. It's not like she feels she doesn't really know Ted or something, but it's not lost on her that Ted knows all of her secrets, whereas Joan knows very few of his, and those she does know she either figured out or found out through Sherlock. It's not the most comfortable of positions to be in.

"Two if you can spare them," she answers Sherlock, offering him her hands. Sherlock helps her to her feet, and lets her hold onto one arm while keeping the other behind her, around her waist without touching her, there in case she falls.

Joan gives Ted a smile, and starts walking carefully out of the room.

[theodorelasso]

There's also the fact that while some of what's happened has brought Joan's secrets to light partly through necessity or for context, it's made Ted less likely to share some of his own secrets. Simply because he is already dealing with so much, so the last thing he wants to do is bring up more things that are painful.

It took a long time for him to tell Michelle, and not until he introduced her to his mom. Most people don't know. And Ted wants Joan to know his important secrets. But that doesn't mean talking about them is any easier. And this relationship is already moving faster than he could've anticipated, or maybe even that he's fully ready for. Which doesn't mean he wants to backtrack any of it. It just means there's still many feelings he need to sort out and process.


Ted return the smile, watching her. "Hey, look at that!" he says excitedly, following along after them. Even with the worry and the caution, it's great to see her on her feet again.

[formersurgeon]

It's great to be on her feet again. She's a lot steadier than she was a couple days ago when she only barely made it around the bed. She makes it into the living room before her legs start to tremble. Sherlock sees it immediately and guides her to the couch so she can sit before she falls.

She looks over at Ted, giving him a smile to let him know she's okay. "Better, right?" she says, a little out of breath but still pretty happy.

[theodorelasso]

Ted tries not to be too worried with Sherlock right there to catch her, and he's glad they stopped before it became too much.

"You can run drills with the guys in no time," he answers with a grin.

[formersurgeon]

She grins back at him as she catches her breath. "Are there a lot of woman football coaches?" she asks, curious now. "Are there any?"

[theodorelasso]

"There's like a dozen in the NFL," Ted answers with a nod. "Not sure about soccer, but I haven't seen any. But, you know, there's women's soccer, where I would certainly hope they've got some."

[formersurgeon]

"I'd bet there are a lot more men coaching women's soccer than women coaching men's soccer," she remarks with a small quirk of her lips. Joan has dealt with being a woman in male-dominated fields for a long time, and doesn't hesitate to call out sexism, even if she's not leaning into it.

[theodorelasso]

"I bet, yeah," Ted agrees. He very much enjoys that kind of sexism being pointed out. "I'd bet it's hard, getting players to respect you enough to listen. All these young 20-somethings, you know." Even if they're not outright sexist, getting them to respect you is hard enough anyway. Ted definitely knows that.

[formersurgeon]

Joan appreciates that he's so open to talking about this without getting defensive. Not that she expected anything different, but it's still way too unusual, especially when so many coaches have a tendency to be macho dickheads.

"Do they listen to Rebecca?" she asks with a tilt of her head. "I mean, she's not a coach, but she is a figure of authority, right?"

[theodorelasso]

"More than I do," Ted answers with a chuckle. "Sorry, that's not a dig at her authority, I just meant I tend to talk a hole in her head," he clarifies quickly. It's also because he knows that she's perfectly capable of shutting him up if she wants to, and he absolutely listens to her when she does.

"I think they do, yeah. They know she loves the team. And she does have the ability to fire any one of them," he adds. "Getting the press to listen to her is more of a challenge. You know, the first day I was here, I had a press conference and they were really digging into me, and she stood up for me, shut them all up." There's probably still video of it floating around online.

[formersurgeon]

"I'm sorry that happened," Joan says. She's been witness to a fair amount of abuse Ted has endured from the Richmond fans, so she can only imagine how cruel the press was to him. "And good for her! She really does have a commanding presence. It's one of the reasons we got her to come with us to Scotland Yard when they were dragging their feet about looking for you."

[theodorelasso]

"It's alright, we made friends soon enough," Ted answers with a smile. Those same journalists are ones he's had plenty of pleasant conversations with since then. He just had to win them over. Not the first time he's been in that situation. Even if it was stressful at the time.

"Oh yeah, right," he answers, realising that she was there when he was rescued. "Between the two of you, I bet you would've been hard to ignore. Ooh, I would've loved to see that, actually." He bets they'd make a real formidable duo. Or trio, if you get Keeley in there as well. They could conquer the world.

[formersurgeon]

Joan has seen a number of Ted's televised press conferences, and she's noticed the rapport he has with the reporters, so she's not surprised that they've been won over. It's kind of what Ted does, after all. He makes everyone around him feel seen and valued.

She can't help but wonder if that rose from his dad's suicide. That maybe he thinks if only his dad had felt seen and valued, he wouldn't have done what he did.

"We definitely weren't taking no for an answer," she says with a smile, but there's a touch of sadness to it, considering their commanding presence was part of a horrible experience that, thank god, wasn't the tragedy it could have been. Joan doesn't want to think about what might have happened had she and Rebecca been unable to get Scotland Yard onboard...but she can't help it. She had already been deeply in love with Ted, and losing him like that...

She takes a breath, shaking her head a little. "Anyway."

[theodorelasso]

Ted can imagine what's going through her head. He was going through hell at the time, after all, and so were they. Just a different kind.

If Ted had died at that point, he doubts he would've noticed much. He would've gone on to wherever it is people go, and that would've been that. But they would've had to deal with losing him like that. And Ted knows how hard that is.

He steps closer and transfers a crutch to his other hand, so he can put his hand on her shoulder and lean down and kiss her cheek. "It's a good thing none of us give up that easy," he says softly. Himself included.

[formersurgeon]

She turns her head to answer his kiss on the cheek with a light one to his lips.

"Yes it is," she agrees. She remembers him telling her that he had just tried to stay alive so that he could be found. So she could find him.

She puts her hand on his and leans her head against it, just taking a moment to appreciate his closeness.

[theodorelasso]

Ted can't really fight (or at least he couldn't in that condition), he can't lockpick, he doesn't know all of the things Joan and Sherlock do that might've allowed him to free himself. But he can be very, very stubborn, and he can have faith in people. He doesn't quit. Which might've saved his life.

He smiles at her leaning her head against him, just standing there for a moment. Being grateful that things didn't go as bad as they could've.

[formersurgeon]

Joan is so grateful that Ted doesn't quit. It had likely saved his life, yes, but it had definitely saved their relationship when Joan believed she had to leave Ted to protect him.

(And now Joan has to wonder what her leaving for his good and without asking for his opinion felt like to Ted in the light of what she now knows about his father.)

Sherlock watches them for a moment before saying, "well, come on. The smoothies aren't going to smooth themselves."

[theodorelasso]

If she had left without saying goodbye, he definitely wouldn't have taken it lightly. It's maybe for the best that he doesn't know how close it came to happening, that she only showed up there because of Beard. He understands the pain she was going through, but leaving him out of the decision, or at least not giving a proper goodbye, would've been a pretty huge betrayal to him. Even if she didn't know about his father, she knew about his wife.

Ted chuckles at Sherlock's comment. "Wanna get the wheelchair?" he asks Joan. She might want to try to walk the rest of the way now she's caught her breath, but he definitely doesn't want to assume that. "You can wheel yourself, if you want," he adds. Then she won't risk falling over or exhausting herself, but she'll still get to control where she goes.

[formersurgeon]

She had thought just leaving was the best thing to do for both of them, even though it was killing her. She thought he would be safer and happier without her, and that a goodbye would only make it harder for both of them to do what needed to be done. Thank god for Beard. He had saved both of them so much pain.

Joan smiles at Sherlock as well, then looks up at Ted. "I think I want to try to walk," she says. "I think I can make it."

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods, stepping back to give them room. "I think you can too," he says with a smile. Not because he really knows that much about her physical state, but he trusts her ability to judge her own capabilities and has faith in her determination.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock is inclined to trust Watson as well. He holds out his hands to her and she takes them, getting to her feet. The distance from the living room to the kitchen is less than from the bedroom to the living room, but he's still very cautious with each step.