For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[theodorelasso]

Ted is trying not to eat too fast too, out of solidarity with Joan, so she won't be the only one picking at her food by the end.

He does catch Sherlock and Roy looking at each other, and he very subtly nudges Joan to call her attention to it. Once the two grumps men look away from each other, Ted glances at Joan with a smile at their inside joke.

[formersurgeon]

Joan looks up at the nudge and sees the two misanthropes glaring at each other, and has to stifle a chuckle. She glances at Ted with a smile and an amused quirk of her eyebrow.

"Gotta say," Joan says, making conversation. "The ethnic food in London is incredible."

"That's imperialism for you," Sherlock remarks dryly.

[theodorelasso]

"Oh!" Ted reacts, Sherlock's answer reminding him of something Sam said and sparking an idea. "We should have a team potluck," he says to Keeley. "Get everyone to bring something from home!"

[formersurgeon]

"I think that's a great idea!" Keeley says.

Joan smiles playfully at Ted. "So...what would you bring and why is it barbecue?" she teases.

[theodorelasso]

Ted grins at Joan. "Oh, it's definitely gonna be barbecue," Ted agrees. What else was it ever gonna be? "What about you, Keeley?" he asks.

She considers it for a moment. "Maybe a shepherd's pie? Although last time I tried to make it, it sort of went tits up."

And then she regales them with a story of a disastrous cooking experience. At some point in there, she says 'my girlfriend at the time', which makes Ted look up, and then quickly look back down at his food again. He pointedly ignores Sherlock but he does glance at Joan out of the corner of his eye.

[formersurgeon]

When Keeley mentions her girlfriend, Sherlock glances at Ted and sees him looking down, pointedly avoiding his gaze, but glancing at Joan. Sherlock looks to Watson as well. Joan reacts with very mild surprise, a slight raise of the eyebrows. But really, it makes sense. Joan has seen Keeley lightly flirt with other women, most notably Rebecca. And Joan goes back to smiling and nodding at the story. It doesn't bother her at all.

[theodorelasso]

Ted would honestly be surprised if it did bother her, but that doesn't stop that niggling worry. Or perhaps it's not even about what the reaction would be, so much as he's used to keeping it secret and it's hard to imagine people knowing about.

He's so used to keeping it secret that he himself forgets about it most of the time, and the only reason it even made him react is because he'd just been talking about it with Sherlock earlier. (The fact that someone does know is stressing him out a little.)

[formersurgeon]

Joan glances at Ted, smiling, but her smile fades a little when she sees his expression. She can tell something is bugging him, but has no idea what. It'll do no good to talk about it now, but she files it away for later as she turns back to Keeley, her full smile returning.

[theodorelasso]

Ted also tries to file all that away for later. He apparently zoned out of part of Keeley's story, but by the end of it he's caught up enough that he still laughs along with everyone else. (Well, everyone but Roy and Sherlock, who don't exactly laugh as such.)

It does feel good to be socialising and talking about trivial stuff though. Stuffed with food by now, Ted sits back and puts his arm behind Joan.

[formersurgeon]

It definitely feels great to be socializing. Just spending time with friends and not focusing on the difficulties of their situation. It's normal, and normal feels good.

Joan takes the invitation and leans against Ted, settling one hand on his knee.

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles and wraps his arm around Joan's shoulders. They haven't had a lot of chances to socialise as a couple (he doesn't count the gala), so even just that feels nice.

Ted ends up telling one of his anecdotes too, a college adventure gone terribly awry, which sparks more college stories.

He's being very aware of the state of his companions though, and as Joan starts getting more tired, and Sherlock starts getting more antsy, they wrap things up. Both Ted and Joan get hugs from Keeley before they leave.

[formersurgeon]

Joan notes how observant Ted is, how dedicated to taking care of her and Sherlock. It's really a wonderful thing, and she feels very lucky.

Joan enthusiastically hugs Keeley back, promising on request to let her know if she needs anything. Then Sherlock shows Keeley and Roy to the door.

When they're gone Joan sighs and leans her head back, closing her eyes but still smiling faintly. It was draining, but still so good.

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles softly too, leaning his head against hers, resting his hand on her head and stroking her hair gently. "You want to head to bed?" he asks softly.

[formersurgeon]

The hand stroking her hair feels wonderful, and she sighs, weary but happy. "Yeah," she says softly, still smiling and eyes still closed. "That would be good. Maybe we can watch another movie."

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods and kisses her hair, then lets go of her and gets to his feet. This time when he helps her back over to the chair, he makes sure to support her with an arm behind her back, since she's been doing a lot today and shouldn't push herself too much. A visit to the bathroom later (at the very least to brush their teeth and take their meds), they head into the bedroom and make it into bed. Moving around like this is starting to get pretty easy - just in time for her soon not needing it anymore.

"If you'd like to get some sleep, Sherlock, I'm probably gonna be awake for a while," he tells him. The nap earlier helped. "Oh, and thanks for sticking through dinner, I appreciate it," he adds with a smile.

[formersurgeon]

They're definitely getting good at this, and despite how tired she is, Joan is still noticeably stronger and steadier than she was just yesterday. She's looking forward to not needing Ted's help, but she likes a lot of the simple things they do together, like brushing their teeth. She'd like to keep doing those sorts of things with him, even when she doesn't need help.

When they get in bed, Joan nestles up against Ted, her head against his shoulder.

Sherlock follows them into the bedroom to see if he is needed. He nods at Ted's offer, then again at the thanks. "Your friends are interesting enough," he says, not unkindly.

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles with mild amusement at the choice of adjective. Not 'nice' enough or anything like that. No, they just have to be not boring. "Yeah, I agree," he answers softly. "We were curious whether you and Roy were just going to stare at each other."

He picks up the remote to start flicking through channels to find something interesting to watch. Maybe something just boring or slow enough that Joan will feel comfortable falling asleep to it.

[formersurgeon]

A smile flickers on Sherlock's lips. "Not just. And not the whole time." He nods, backing toward the door. "I shall be on the couch if you need me." With that he takes his leave.

Joan relaxes against Ted and watches as he flips through the channels. She hadn't really watched a lot of British television before they started dating, but now it's become such a comforting thing to do together, even before their lives were turned upside down by Ted's kidnapping.

The Great British Baking Show comes on the screen and Joan hums in approval.

[theodorelasso]

There is a moment there, while Ted's flicking through channels, where he passes a TV series apparently just called 'The Bisexual'. He unconsciously frowns a bit, pressing his lips together - at this point he feels like the universe is just mocking him - as he quickly skips past it, gratefully landing on Bake-Off just a couple channels later. Maybe he's just being sensitive because he talked to Sherlock about it today, but suddenly there is a slight tension in his shoulders...

[formersurgeon]

Joan notices. She notices how quickly he skips past that particular program. Notices how the muscles of the shoulder her head is on tighten. That with the reaction Ted had to Keeley's story makes Joan wonder if Ted is homophobic. Considering where he's from and the macho sports he's coached, it wouldn't be all that surprising, if a little disappointing. She wonders if maybe that's what transpired between Ted and Sherlock. Maybe Shaun is gay and Sherlock noticed Ted's discomfort and called him out on it? It fits the evidence. Ted would be upset and Sherlock would want to let Ted talk to Joan about it instead of talk with her behind his back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she says softly, since he's clearly at least somewhat distressed.

[theodorelasso]

Ted looks down at her, surprised she would notice his tension enough to ask. The fact that she does makes him feel kind of cornered - even if he knows that's not her intent.

But maybe she doesn't realise why he suddenly got tense? After all, he's got plenty to deal with right now, she could just think he's stressed out thinking about Rupert. (Which absolutely has been making him feel tense, and now that he's thinking about that too, the tension seems to redouble.)

He takes a breath and intentionally relaxes his shoulders, and shakes his head a bit. And he also reaches out to take Joan's hand, squeezing it a bit.

[formersurgeon]

He shakes his head and squeezes her hand, and she squeezes it back...but now she's bothered. She loves him very deeply, and thinks the world of him, but the idea of him being homophobic is so discordant. It's not a favorable thing to think about anyone, much less someone she loves. But she could be wrong. She could be misinterpreting things, missing some vital piece of the puzzle, and she doesn't want to remain uncertain. If he is then she needs to come to terms with that. If he's not, then it's unfair to him for her to continue to entertain the idea. Either way, as much as Joan wants to honor Ted's desire not to talk about it, she needs to at least ask something. She's not going to ask him if he's homophobic, obviously, so it has to be something else.

"Does it bother you that Keeley has dated women?" she asks quietly, looking up at him.

[theodorelasso]

Ted blinks. "What?" he asks, genuinely baffled that's where she went. "No, of course not," he says, sitting back a little so he can look at her.

He hadn't even noticed that she picked up on his discomfort earlier, so it's an extra layer of unexpected.

[formersurgeon]

That answer is pretty definitive, and Joan is visibly relieved. "You reacted strangely when she mentioned it," she explains softly. "I didn't want to think that you would have a problem with it, but I wasn't sure, and...I needed to know." She squeezes his hand. "I'm sorry."

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods a bit - he gets that part. And he's not really offended by it. He's met a lot of homophobic people in his line of work, coaches and players. Actually it's kind of reassuring that it mattered enough to her to ask.

"No, I... I think everyone should be allowed to love who they love," he says. This is.. an uncomfortable conversation, but he definitely doesn't want her to think he's homophobic.