For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[theodorelasso]

Ted basically turns to putty in her hands when she's all loving and complimentary like this, just looking at her with adoration. It makes the last bit of anxiety just melt away and disappear.

"God, you make me feel like the luckiest man alive," he says quietly. "Which given our recent experiences is saying a lot," he adds with a soft chuckle.

[formersurgeon]

She laughs softly, then smiles at him, taking his hands in hers.

"Even with our recent experiences," she says softly, "I wouldn't trade this for anything. I love you, Ted."

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles, squeezing her hands, his heart so full, but also feeling so many complicated feelings.

"'If you're with the right person, even the hard times are easy'," he says softly. "Just something Higgins told me before Michelle and I separated," he adds as an explanation.

[formersurgeon]

Joan frowns faintly. "I'm not sure I believe that," she says. "Hard times can still be hard. What matters is when even in hard times you continue to choose each other."

She's thinking of Sherlock, how fraught their past has been, and yet they've always come back together, eventually stronger for it.

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods, mulling that over for a second. After all, he's very aware that love alone doesn't make everything simple or perfect. And that a statement like that implies that if something is hard, then it must not be right.

"Alright, then how about... even the hard times are worth it," he suggests instead.

Because he also knows at a certain point, you just end up continuing to hurt each other, at which point you probably shouldn't continue to choose each other. It's possible Ted and Michelle chose each other for a little too long.

[formersurgeon]

She nods. "I can agree with that," she says softly.

She knows that it can't be easy for Ted to think about this. He must be thinking of his relationship with Michelle, wondering if those times were worth it, if it was worth it to him but not to her, how he could love her and choose her and cherish their time together and yet she still wasn't the right one for him, and he wasn't the right one for her.

Joan wonders if Ted is afraid of the same thing happening again.

She moves closer and wraps her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder.

[theodorelasso]

Ted leans into it, closing his eyes and hugging her back. Maybe a little tighter than the situation calls for.

He probably wouldn't admit it, nor has he really confronted it, but part of him is definitely afraid. Wondering how long it's really going to last. How he's going to be able to cope if Joan leaves him. He tries not to entertain those thoughts, but sometimes they sneak up on him.

[formersurgeon]

She feels how tightly he's hugging her, and she tightens her own hold on him, wanting to reassure him. Wanting to reassure herself. She knows he loves her, and she loves him, but sometimes circumstances just tear people apart. God knows they've already come close a couple times.

"I love you," she whispers, tightening her hold further. "So much."

[theodorelasso]

"Love you too," he whispers back.

He holds onto her for a few moments longer, before finally pulling back and smiling at her. His eyes are maybe a tiny bit watery, but it's just as much from how much he loves and appreciates her.

"How about we finish getting you dressed, huh?"

[formersurgeon]

Those unshed tears cause her heart to ache a little.

She leans in, takes his face in her hands, and kisses him one last time. Then she pulls back and sighs before smiling. "Definitely. Don't want to keep Keeley and Roy waiting."

[theodorelasso]

Ted may be dealing with a lot of stuff, but he also feels like Joan sees it, and wants to be there for him, and make him feel loved. And that means a lot.

"Yeah, Roy gets even grumpier than usual," he answers with a chuckle, turning to pick up her cardigan, finding the arm holes to help her on with it.

[formersurgeon]

Joan slides her arms into the sleeves without too much effort. There's still a little bit of strain, but it's getting noticeably better.

"I cannot wait for Roy and Sherlock to meet," she says with a grin. "They're just going to scowl at each other for hours."

[theodorelasso]

"Who knows, maybe they'll get along great. Though potentially non-verbally. Roy and Beard have some great stare-offs," he says with a chuckle.

He leans over to grab the hairbrush from the nightstand, then starts undoing one of her braids so he can redo it.

[formersurgeon]

Joan shifts so that she's facing away from Ted to make it easier for him to undo her braids and brush her hair. She smiles at the comment about Roy and Beard. "I can totally see that. Who needs an irresistible force when you can have two immovable objects?"

[theodorelasso]

"Hey, as the irresistible force in that particular concoction, I take offense to that," he quips and chuckles warmly.

[formersurgeon]

She grins. "Yes you are, and I love you for it. But I'm going to hazard a guess that you're not usually around when Roy and Beard get into their staring contests."

[theodorelasso]

"No, though I've walked in on them. Been a while now though. Since he's no longer on the team, the two of them don't really socialize on their own."

To the point they ever socialize with Roy. It is a fairly rare occurrence, and mostly because of Keeley. He probably wouldn't have even shown up at the club if it weren't for, well, the stuff going on in Ted's life.

[formersurgeon]

"Mmm. Makes sense."

Joan gets that it's been hard for Roy to come back to the club after his retirement. She remembers how, when she decided to leave medicine, she didn't go back to the hospital, even though she had had friends there. In her case there was shame and guilt involved, but still. It was a world she had left and was no longer a part of.

[theodorelasso]

"So what are you in the mood for for dinner?" he asks, brushing Joan's hair and splitting it into chunks to start redoing the braids.

[formersurgeon]

She closes her eyes, enjoying the feeling of him playing with her hair.

"Is there anything Keeley or Roy like?"

[theodorelasso]

"I dunno, we don't really eat dinner together. You wanna just leave it up to them when they get here?" he asks, dutifully braiding.

[formersurgeon]

"That would probably be best. Sherlock can bring over our extensive collection of take-out menus from 221B."

She reaches behind her to touch his knee affectionately.

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles at the touch - he enjoys how she's always reaching out to be just a little bit in physical comfort, even if they're busy doing something.

He finishes one braid, and leans in to give her shoulder a quick kiss, before getting up and moving to the other side to do her other one.

"I don't usually order that much. If I don't want to make dinner, I just eat at the Crown & Anchor."

[formersurgeon]

Joan smiles as he kisses her shoulder. She loves all the little ways he gives her physical affection. It makes her feel so very loved, which is particularly nice with the physical difficulties she's fighting through.

As he moves to the other side she reaches out to take and squeeze his hand for just a moment before letting go and turning so he can get to the other side of her hair.

"Hard to argue with the Crown & Anchor," she remarks with a smile.

[theodorelasso]

The only downside to all this affection is it's incredible easy for them both to get wrapped up in it, to just keep returning and escalating. And then soon enough they're either snuggled up or they're having sex, and either way they won't want to get up. It's dangerous. Still, there are definitely worse problems to have.

"It's true. Great food, great ambience, great location. Outstanding staff," he says with a chuckle, obviously referring to Mae.