For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[formersurgeon]

She settles against him with a sigh, relaxing, allowing him to hold her, keep her safe.

"I know," she answers softly. "I don't ever expect you to stop loving her. She was your wife. She's the mother of your child. Regardless if where you are now, she'll always be in your life to some degree. And that's okay."

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods, glad she understands. Of course, she knows very well that you can have very important people in your life, but that it doesn't mitigate how you feel about someone else.

"For a while, I, uh..." he continues quietly, looking down at their entwined hands. "I thought she was right for me, but that
... I was wrong for her. You know, that it was my fault I couldn't make her happy, that I was doing something wrong."

[formersurgeon]

She tightens her hand on hers slightly, the closest she can get to a squeeze right now.

"That must have been hard," she says quietly. "Thinking that you were wrong, trying to be right. What made you realize trying to change yourself wouldn't save the relationship?"

[theodorelasso]

He sighs, looking up at the ceiling. "Moving here, I guess. Getting some distance, not running around trying to fix everything all the time," he answers.

"And then... even after that, I still felt like I had failed, for... a while," he admits quietly. "But eventually I realised then if I wasn't right for her, then she wasn't right for me either. That it doesn't just go one way."

[formersurgeon]

Joan nods, considering that. She's never thought about it that way and in those terms, but he's absolutely right. Love is a two-way street, and accepting each other as they are is the pavement that allows everything else to transpire back and forth.

"I think there are people who spend their whole lives trying to be someone else for someone they love," she remarks softly. "I'm so glad you've seen that doesn't work."

[theodorelasso]

"Well, I saw it for her before I saw it for myself," he answers, with an ironic and sad smile. "She was trying so hard to love me, to be happy, and she just couldn't, and it was breaking her heart."

While he was busy feeling guilty he couldn't make her happy, she was feeling guilty she couldn't make herself love him.

[formersurgeon]

She sees that sadness, and her heart aches for both him and Michelle. They were clearly both trying to do right by each other, and enduring a substantial amount of misery in the process.

She reaches up to touch his face, just brushing her trembling fingers against his cheek, her eyes sad as she looks into his.

Then she lowers her hand to rest in her lap.

"I'm sorry you had that experience," she says softly. "And I'm glad you know it was nobody's fault."

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles, leaning his head against hers for a moment. He's so grateful for her. And if he was still with Michelle, he wouldn't know Joan now. His life would look very different.

"Bless the broken road, huh?" he says quietly, with a soft smile.

He also knows that him and Joan might not last forever, but he hopes. So he's going to invest in it like it will, and he's going to appreciate it like any day could be their last.

[formersurgeon]

"That led me straight to you," she agrees softly. Joan knows that nothing is certain, but she's only ever been sure of two things in her life - her partnership with Sherlock, and her relationship with Ted. She'll do anything she can to fight for them both.

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles and gives her another kiss, then just holds her for a bit.

After a few moments he leans forward to say loudly to the kitchen: "It's safe to come out now!"

[formersurgeon]

Joan sighs comfortably in his embrace, enjoying the quiet moment.

Then when Ted shouts into the kitchen she smiles and shakes her head, rolling her eyes in amusement.

"Are you certain?" Sherlock shouts back from the kitchen. "Do I need a bucket of cold water to separate you two?"

[theodorelasso]

Ted shudders a bit at that joke, smile disappearing for just a moment.

"Well, that didn't work last time," he points out, and it's still a joke, but it might be a bit more grim. But it's accurate - it brought them closer together if anything.

[formersurgeon]

Joan cringes at Sherlock's words, and tightens her hold on Ted. His response is brave, and she presses a gentle kiss to his cheek.

Sherlock emerges from the kitchen, his expression one of startled realization.

"I did not mean to reference what happened to you," he says softly. "I apologize, truly."

[theodorelasso]

Ted's smile returns properly at Sherlock's apology. He hadn't thought it was intentional anyway, and the sincerity of the apology makes him feel immediately better. He's safe and warm, full of soup and holding onto Joan. The bad memories have no purchase right now.

"Thank you. It's okay," he answers, giving Sherlock a nod.

[formersurgeon]

The immediacy and sincerity of the apology makes Joan blink. Sherlock is rarely this considerate.

Sherlock returns the nod, then sits back down across from them.

Joan sighs and closes her eyes, resting against Ted, weary. Eating has taken more out of her energy-wise than she was expecting.

[theodorelasso]

Ted assumes that for Sherlock, there's a pretty big difference between being rude (no apology necessarily needed), and accidentally bringing up some recent and rather horrific trauma. Sherlock has said some pretty inappropriate things to Ted without remorse, but he was also very supportive and considerate when he came by the police station.

Ted looks over at Joan, rubbing her arm a little. "You wanna head to bed?" he suggests.

[formersurgeon]

"Yes please," she answers softly. She's actually having some trouble keeping her eyes open. Getting ready, leaving the hospital, taking a cab, and eating have actually been pretty strenuous for her still-fragile system.

Sherlock straightens, on the edge of rising. "How can I help?"

[theodorelasso]

"Well, you're probably better at carrying her right now than I am," Ted answers. "Is that okay?" he asks Joan.

They're going to have to cart her around a lot, but unless she's literally asleep and they still need to move, he intends to check in with her every time. It's bad enough needing the help, but he wants to make sure she feels like she always has a choice in the matter at least.

[formersurgeon]

Joan opens her eyes and looks over at Sherlock. "Are you okay with that?" she asks him softly. The two of them have had very limited touch in the time of their partnership, typically limited to Joan patching up Sherlock in one way or another, and occasionally with Sherlock doing the same to Joan. This seems more intimate than Sherlock is typically comfortable with.

Sherlock rises and comes to crouch in front of her. "As long as you are, Watson." Ted can't do it with his broken leg, and using the wheelchair will likely be more difficult and require about just as much physical contact.

Joan nods. Sherlock reaches out for her.

[theodorelasso]

Ted hadn't even considered that Sherlock might not be, even though he doesn't like hugs. The necessity of the task probably helps.

Once Joan has a tiny bit more strength, and is able to help a little when moving from seat to wheelchair (and from wheelchair to toilet), they should probably be alright. As long as Ted can plant his feet and doesn't have to walk, he's capable of helping out.

For now though, how he helps is by going ahead and making sure doors are opened, and the covers are drawn back on the bed.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock gathers Watson into his arms in a princess carry. She's small and light, and he's exceptionally strong, so he easily transports her to the bedroom, laying her down on the bed after Ted pulls back the covers. He stands back, his posture awkward, looking down at her, worry in his expression.

Joan doesn't notice. Once she's laid down she sighs and closes her eyes, comfortable in bed, allowing her body to relax. She won't be awake much longer.

[theodorelasso]

Ted notices though. He can't imagine Sherlock is having an easy time right now.

"You can stay on the couch if you want to be closer tonight," he suggests softly. Ted wouldn't mind. Not like they're going to get up to anything private for a while.

Granted, he's just going nextdoor anyway, but given it's their first night back, maybe he'd like to be within yelling distance if something happens.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock nods without a word, without looking away from Joan, his partner and friend who nearly died and isn't fully out of the woods yet. He certainly intends to stay a close by as possible.

"You all right, Watson?" he asks softly, wanting the reassurance before he leaves the room.

Joan nods without opening her eyes. "Just tired," she murmurs.

[theodorelasso]

Ted smiles softly at Joan, and steps past Sherlock to pull the covers over her, then lean down and kiss her forehead, stroking her hair a bit. "I'm gonna go brush my teeth, I'll come to bed in a second," he promises quietly.

[formersurgeon]

Joan smiles softly as he kisses her forehead and strokes her hair. "I'll be here," she murmurs.

Sherlock sits carefully on the edge of the bed to keep an eye on Joan until Ted gets back.