For Joan

[theodorelasso]

Continued from here.

(warnings: sexytimes. also, panic attacks, brutal violence, attempted murder, discussion of suicide and actual murder... )

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[formersurgeon]

"Well, then," Sherlock says. He gestures toward Ted with an outstretched hand. "You shall have your unpopular opinion concerning British comestibles..." He places the hand on his own chest. "And I shall have mine."

[theodorelasso]

"That's fair," Ted agrees cheerfully. "Though if you ever want those puddings to go to good use, feel free to hand them to me," he adds. Maybe the throwing away is part of some ritual or something, he doesn't know, but if not, they might as well be eaten.

"Mmm, speaking of food," he says, pulling out his phone. "I can order some groceries for delivery in the morning. Any requests?"

[formersurgeon]

Joan enjoys watching the two of them interact. Sherlock is being his usual acerbic self, and Ted is being his usual cheerful, kind self, and it works. She's so very happy to have Ted in her life, and now she's beginning to be happy that Sherlock has Ted in his life, and Ted has Sherlock in his. That's never happened before, and it supports what Joan said in the cab...they were meant to be together.

"Eggs," Joan says. "Bread." She smiles at Ted. "Peanut butter, obviously. Smoothie ingredients...milk, yogurt, fruit..."

[theodorelasso]

"Yup, yup.." Ted agrees, picking stuff off lists on his phone in between sips of soup. He also gets baking ingredients for himself, and tries to find dinners that Joan could eat. He doesn't necessarily have a lot of experience making soups, but there's stuff like oatmeal porridge, mashed potatoes... He can find yummy things to make.

[formersurgeon]

Joan carefully fishes out the strips of chicken in her soup and eats them, until only the broth is left. Then she sets the ladle down and carefully lifts the container to her lips. Her hands are still shaking, but she's still able to drink the last of the soup without too much trouble.

[theodorelasso]

Ted watches Joan out of the corner of his eye to make sure he's okay, but he tries not to be too conspicuous about, since she doesn't want her to feel like he's babying her or anything like then. But then he's now pretty much living with not just one but two detectives, so probably anything he does is conspicuous by default.

He finishes up the grocery ordering, and just as he does, he gets a text from Michelle. It's a drawing from Henry, featuring Ted (going by the mustache), and his leg is in a cast, but rather than using crutches, he's got what appears to be robot gorilla arms, long enough to reach the ground. He smiles and shows the picture to Joan.

[formersurgeon]

Joan notices that he's keeping half an eye on her, and she's okay with that, at least for the moment. She's still healing, and Ted's concern not at all unreasonable.

When he shows her the drawing, Joan grins. "That is amazing," she says, looking up at Ted, eyes shining. "He has a great imagination. And he loves you a lot."

[theodorelasso]

Ted beams and nods in agreement. He shows the picture to Sherlock too, not necessarily because he thinks he'll be terrible interested, but out of politeness and on the off-chance he is.

"Obviously every coach dad wants a sports kid, but maybe I've got an artist kid instead," he says, and it's obvious he'd be just as happy with that, even if he couldn't gave any advice then.

He texts Michelle back, both to say he loves it, and to let her know they're back home and focusing on getting better now.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock smiles faintly at the picture, amused by it.

"Artistic kids are great," Joan says, smiling at him, knowing that he loves his son no matter what.

As Ted texts Michelle, Joan's smile fades a little.

"What does she know?" she asks softly.

[theodorelasso]

"Oh, uh... Most of it," he answers, putting his phone down. "I called her last night. Didn't want her to find out through the news, and especially didn't want Henry to find out that way," he says heavily. At least Michelle can try to shield Henry more effectively than Ted can right now.

"On the upside, she knows we're dating now?" he adds with a small smile.

[formersurgeon]

The news. Joan herself is going to need to make some calls on the off chance that the news names her and manages to reach the States. She answers that small smile with a smile of her own, small and hesitant.

"How did that go?"

[theodorelasso]

"Alright," he answers, nodding. "She said she was very happy for us. I mean, I don't think she'd tell me if she wasn't, but..."

He picked up on that she wasn't 100% enthusiastic about it. But there could be many reasons for that, that have more to do with her life than his. It's a complicated topic.

[formersurgeon]

"You know her best," Joan says. "If you think she's happy for us, I believe you."

She glances away, considering how to proceed. "I should tell you something," she says.

[theodorelasso]

Ted thinks she wants to be happy for them, and that's all he can really ask.

He looks over at her curiously at that. "What?" he asks softly. It's usually important if it needs a preface like that.

[formersurgeon]

She looks back at him, meeting his eyes, wanting to be open and honest, even though it's difficult to tell him about this.

"I saw them," she says softly. "Michelle and Henry. I saw them with you at the hospital. You were expecting me to come back so you could introduce me to them. I made it to right outside the door."

[theodorelasso]

Ted blinks at that. That was not something he was expecting.

That was right before she disappeared, before she told him that they had to break up. Did she say that because she saw them together? If she got that far, and that's what turned her around. And she hadn't known that he loved her yet...

He reaches out and takes her hand, squeezing it. His heart hurts for her.

[formersurgeon]

Sherlock is sitting across from them still, watching this moment, his brows knit in concern, trying to understand what's going on, what Watson is feeling.

He takes her hand, comforting her, and she smiles sadly and glances down.

"In retrospect it was foolish, but...at the time you looked so happy, being with them. I hesitated because I didn't want to ruin that. You loved them, and I wondered...I wondered if maybe you belonged with them. And I would just be in the way."

She feels now like she should have known that he loved her, that she was foolish not to know, but at the time she thought that he cared for her, certainly, but that his love was for those two people he missed so terribly and was so happy with.

She looks up again. "Right then Sherlock texted me to tell me that someone had sent Turner after you."

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods as she explains. He gets it. It was obviously completely wrong, and completely oblivious to the joy she herself brings him. There's a certain self-deprecation and self-doubt in there that makes him incredibly sad. That she can be so confident in her abilities, yet not see that Ted absolutely adores her for who she is. He hopes she sees it more easily now.

And then of course the news about Turner. He gives an 'ahh' of realisation. Of course that would nudge her over the edge and decide he was better off without her. Ted had initially thought it was just that.

He moves over closer to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"You could never be in the way. You are the way," he says softly, looking her in the eyes.

[formersurgeon]

It's an unfortunate truth that it is those she is closest to that she can at times be blind to. It's not just her, either...pretty much all detectives Joan has worked with have had the same blindness when it comes to people they're near to, people they love. She certainly sees more clearly now how much he adores her. She believes it, too.

She sees that realization, and is glad she's decided to tell him this. He deserves to know the whole story, to know exactly why she walked away. That it was primarily because she didn't want to put him in danger, yes, but also because she thought he would be happier. She loved him so much that she would have let him go if it kept him safe and let him be happy. Finding out that he loves her too changed that calculus.

She looks into his eyes as he says that, and her eyes tear up. She leans in to press her lips to his.

Sherlock rises quietly and collects their empty containers, then heads toward the kitchen to give them some space and privacy.

[theodorelasso]

Ted kisses her back, filled with emotion. Then he gives her a proper warm hug as well, even if it's a little awkward, sitting side by side.

He looks up towards the kitchen Sherlock just disappeared into, and he smiles at Joan. "Think we were too cutesy again?" he jokes gently.

[formersurgeon]

She wraps her arms around his waist, burying her face in his shoulder. She's still weak enough that fully returning the hug is difficult, but she's leaning into it, taking joy and solace from his warmth, his love.

When he asks about Sherlock Joan laughs a little. "Definitely," she jokes back. "At least he's not giving us kissing pointers from the sidelines."

[theodorelasso]

Ted gives a laugh at that. Oh, that would've been something. Not something he would be comfortable with, but very amusing to imagine.

He gives her another kiss, then settles in with his arm around her, the other hans holding hers.

"You know, part of me is always going to love Michelle," he says softly. "But that doesn't mean we were right for each other, or always made each other happy."

[formersurgeon]

She settles against him with a sigh, relaxing, allowing him to hold her, keep her safe.

"I know," she answers softly. "I don't ever expect you to stop loving her. She was your wife. She's the mother of your child. Regardless if where you are now, she'll always be in your life to some degree. And that's okay."

[theodorelasso]

Ted nods, glad she understands. Of course, she knows very well that you can have very important people in your life, but that it doesn't mitigate how you feel about someone else.

"For a while, I, uh..." he continues quietly, looking down at their entwined hands. "I thought she was right for me, but that
... I was wrong for her. You know, that it was my fault I couldn't make her happy, that I was doing something wrong."

[formersurgeon]

She tightens her hand on hers slightly, the closest she can get to a squeeze right now.

"That must have been hard," she says quietly. "Thinking that you were wrong, trying to be right. What made you realize trying to change yourself wouldn't save the relationship?"